Mafyatu wanapokuwa kama kuku, mbwa, na wawafugao

 

Kuna hiki kisa cha binadamu, kuku, na mbwa. Mbwa alimfyatua kuku wa mwenyewe. Acha kuku, mbwa, na wenyewe walaumiwe na kulaumiana kwa kuku kufyatuliwa na mbwa! Mwenye mbwa alimlaumu kuku na aliyemfuga kwa kujiruhusu na kuruhusu aliwe. Kisa hiki cha kufikirika na kufikirisha. Kina maswali na mafunzo mengi. Kwanini alaumiwe mbwa na si yule aliyemfuga kuku au mbwa? Kwani, kazi ya kuku ni nini kama siyo kuliwa? Kwanini kuku alijiachia na kukubali kufyatuliwa? Kwanini ana nyama inayoliwa na siyo isiyoliwa? Je, walitaka mbwa ale nini na kuku aliwe na nani? Mbwa, akila kuku, ni kosa ila binadamu hapana! Kuku, japo kazi yake ni kuliwa na kutaga mayai yaliwayo pia, akiliwa, analaumiwa! Ebo! Kuku lake ni kuliwa bila kujali kaliwa na binadamu, kicheche au mbwa. Kuku ni kuku lazima ataliwa tu.

 Uzuri ni kwamba mbwa hakujilaumu na hatajakaa ajilaumu kwa kumfyatua kuku. Kuna mafyatu wanakosea. Wanapaswa kuomba radhi hata kutubia kuwalaumu kuku na mbwa kulana. Kwani, wanakosea kwa kudhani wanawazodoa kuku na mbwa wakati ukweli ni kwamba wanajizodoa na kujiambia wenyewe kama siyo mafyatu wenzao.

Kinachoendelea kayani na lawama hizi ni ile hali ya kuwatupia lawama kuku na mbwa wakati wahusika ni nyinyi. Hata kesi yake ipelekwe mahakama kuu, kuku hatashinda kesi wala kuwa na haki zaidi ya kufugwa na kuliwa. Kwanini mnataka kumpaka kitimoto lipstick mkidhani atarembeka? Kitimoto ni kitimoto. Mnamsumbua kitimoto bure kama mnamsumbuavyo mbwa kwa kula kuku na kuku kuliwa na mbwa. Nani anamjali kuku? Nani anamuombolezea kuku? Kweli, kuku ana haki au ni kwa vile kaliwa na mbwa? Kuliwa ni kuliwa. Kuku aliwaye na mbwa hata simba hana tofauti na yule aliwaye na mafyatu. Anafyatuliwa tu. Hivi, kweli hawa wanaomtetea kuku wanamtetea au kutetea mlo wao? Kigombacho ni pale fyatu anapowala mafyatu wenzake halafu akawalaumu kwa kujiruhusu kufyatuliwa naye bila wala yeye kujilaumu au kukubali kulaumiwa.

Juzi, nilisika maboksi na mashehena yakitika ka debe tupu. Huu uliitwa muujiza na wanaojifanya wana dini wakati ni duni. Ajabu ya maajabu, hawaongelei wala kuhoji. Inakuwaje mafyatu wanaongelea amani na kuitenga haki wakati hawa ni mapacha? Kunani hapa? Eti walitetea mafyatu wale kuku kwa amani wakati wakijiganya hawajui wala kuona haki ya kuku! Hivi mwenye mbwa anapokuwa mbwa mwenyewe mtasema nini? Je, kwanini kumdhalilisha mbwa ambaye yuko radhi kumfia bwana wake ambaye hawezi hata kumlilia? Mheshimu mbwa tafadhali. Kwani, ni kiumbe mwaminifu na anayelinda hata wahalifu wamfugao.

Jikumbushe yafuatayo ndipo unene. Mbwa hulinda mali zenye thamani kubwa lakini hufa maskini. Sindano hushona nguo nyingi lakini daima iko uchi. Kijiko huungua kuchota chakula na mchuzi. Nini hufuata baada ya mwenye kushiba kushiba kama siyo kukiosha na kukikausha? Hatushangai uongo unapogeuka uogozi na uongozi kuwa uongo? Najua. Wengi mlikuwa wakati wa Ticha Mchonga.  Muelewe. Mambo yamebadilika na kuharibika au siyo? Kubalini. Wakati ule, mliona nuru. Leo, mtaona kiza totoro mtake msitake. Si shehe Ruksa aliwaonya kuwa kila zama ina kitabu chake?

 Tafuta hicho kitabu ukisome uelewe. Najua wengi ni wasomi tena wenye PhD ziwe za kweli au za kuzawadiwa, kununua, na kuhongwa. Wangapi wayajua mateso ya kuzisomea na kuzipata baada ya kuhangaishwa na maprofesa wenye wivu kuwa utakuwa kama wao? Kumbuka. Unasimamiwa wakati mwingine jitu ambalo kiakili haliwezi hata kugusa sole ya kiatu chako. Jiumbushe. Ni committee chairs wa PhD unaowakumbuka ambao hata kufikiri namna ya kufikiri hawajui? Si ajabu mjinga kumfundisha msomi au mwenye macho kuongozwa njia na kipofu. Ndo mambo ya siku hizi. Tusizinguane wala kuhadaana na kugeuzana mazwazwa wakati tuna akili. Tusijitoe ufahamu na kufanya ukuku wa kumtetea kuku au umbwa wa kumla kuku wa wenyewe.

Naona yule anashangaa! Unashangaa nini mwenye macho kuongozwa na kipofu mwanangu? Amka uchangamke. Usilaumu wasiolaumiwa. Jilaumu mwenyewe. Ikizidi ikapungua, lalamika lakini si kulaumu. Kwani, ni kosa la jinai tena kubwa kuliko uhaini na ugaidi. Wakubwa huwa hawakosei. Wakikosea, hawakosei wala kukosolewa.

 Wenye mbwa, huwa hawaaibishwi. Unalaumu kwanini mbwa kala kuku! Ebo! Mbwa akila kuku ni kosa la kuku siyo mbwa wala mwenye mbwa. Kama ukitaka kuwaingiza wamilki, mbwa akila kuku, kosa ni la mwenye kuku ambaye hakumfunga wala kumtahadharisha na mbwa. Kazi ya mbwa, kama kicheche na mafyatu, ni kula kuku. Na kazi ya kuku ni kutoliwa na mbwa japo ataliwa na wengine bila kujali ni nani na kwanini. Naomba utie akilini. Hii dunia ni ya mbwa si ya kuku.

Acha nisiwachoshe kabla hawajanichoka, kunichosha, kuniteka, na kunitesa kabla ya kuniua. Wajue. Wakiniteka, nawateka tutekane kama ilivyo kwa sasa ambapo mtekaji na mtekwaji wote ni mateka wa utekaji. Hivi, leo, nimekunywa gongo kiasi gani?

Chanzo: Mwananchi Jtano leo.

Letter from Canada à la authentic elections

 

There recently were botched and violet elections in Tanzania. Uganda is currently braced and geared for general elections next January. I wish it well. May these elections be credible, fair, free, and transparent. So be it. I’ve lived in Canada for over two decades. May I pull a leaf out of Canada’s book vis-à-vis how to conduct clear, credible, fair, and free elections? For, it offers positive insights. Thus, Uganda must (not can) learn and take a leaf from the Tanzania's lessons to avoid committing or repeating the same flaws.
            First, elections in Canada aren’t cutthroat and corrupts. For, voters vote for policies not parties and personalities. To win an election in Canada, present sound policies that respond to voters’ aspirations and interests altogether. Hence, the system here doesn’t allow, accommodate, or tolerate any sort of corruption or malpractices. Candidates squarely get what they deserve.
            Secondly, there aren’t expensive or pompous campaigns. In my town of approximately 4,400 people of about 17 years, I’ve never seen any campaign meeting. Not one, not once. When it is time for elections, the Electoral Commission set a date for elections. Public places are used to cast vote. 

                There are four ways of voting in Canada. One can vote on election day by going to a polling station and cast one’s vote or by advance polling days, which is before the voting day. If one doesn’t want to or can’t vote in the above category, can do so at any Elections Canada office or by mail. For those who want to vote in the last category,  provides his or her postal address to the Election Canada, which posts a voting kit ready for casting it.
            Thirdly, with such a system, there are no huge campaign meetings everywhere in the country. There also no chaos or cheating or rigged. Furthermore, there are no inducements or coercion since people here vote for policy not personalities or parties. This system has proved to be efficient and effective for both candidates and voters so to speak.
            Fourthly, Canada started voting in 1867. Canada is a multiparty country. It has many big and small political parties such as the Liberal Party of Canada, a centre-left political party that has historically been one of the two dominant parties in Canada; the Conservative Party of Canada, a centre-right political party that emerged from the merger of the Canadian Alliance and the Progressive Conservative Party; and the New Democratic Party (NDP), a left-wing party that advocates for social democracy and progressive policies.
            Others are the Bloc Québécois, a federal political party that promotes Quebec nationalism and advocates for the interests of Quebecers; and the Green Party of Canada, which focuses on environmental issues and sustainability, advocating for green policies and practices. These are the bigger parties, which are a must have in every general election.
            Other registered parties are the People's Party of Canada, a right-wing party that emphasises individual freedom and limited government intervention; the Christian Heritage Party, a socially conservative party that promotes Christian values in politics; and the Libertarian Party of Canada, which advocates for civil liberties, free markets, and minimal government intervention in personal lives, among others. Nevertheless, the top three are the dominant players in the politics of Canada.
            Fifthly, due to being corruption proof, I have never heard of any electoral corruption case. I tried to research in the archives and got none whatsoever. That said, that’s why Canada’s political system remains one of the world’s most stable and respected democracies.
            Sixthly, why are there no corruption in Canada’s elections? There are many answers among which are the fact that, in Canada as opposed to Africa, politics isn’t a moneymaking endeavour. Firstly, people run for political positions to serve people but not to serve themselves and families. Secondly, no politician, even though there can be a few, stays in a position for forlornly long. Specifically, since President Museveni came to power, Canada’s had seven Prime Ministers compared to our southern neighbour, the US with 8 Presidents.
            Finally, no party’s ever won more than 50-odd percent in four decades. Therefore, in Canada, neither party nor its leader has ever dreamt of winning with a bigger percentage as we recently evidenced in Tanzania where current President, despite bedlam and bloodbath, miraculously ‘won’ 98 percent! So, you know.
Source: Daily Monitor Sunday today.

Lugha yaweza kudumisha au kubomoa ndoa

   Tutaanza na kisa cha wanandoa A na B waliomo kwenye ndoa hatarishi. Wapendwa hawa wamedumu kwenye ndoa yenye misukosuko, visa, na visasi visiyo vya lazima kwa miaka sasa. Kwa umri wao na wa ndoa yao, ungedhani wangetulia, kulea watoto, na kujiandalia maisha ya utu uzima. Hata hivyo, si hivyo. Badala ya ndoa kuwa kimbilio, bahati mbaya, kwao, imegeuka mateso kwa pande zote. Kila uchao, wako kwa waganga, wachungaji, marafiki, hata wazazi kusaka ushauri juu ya namna ya kuboresha na kuokoa ndoa yao inayoyumba kwa muda mrefu.
            Katika kuwasikiliza, tuligundua yafuatayo ambayo wengi wanaweza kuyapuuzia wakitafuta mchawi wakati mchawi ni wao:
            Mosi, hawana siri. Ugomvi mdogo tu, kila mmoja anatafuta majirani, marafiki, ndugu, mashoga, washauri, na wengine kutafuta msaada! Kumbukeni. Mlipokutana na kukubaliana kuoana, mlikuwa pekee yenu. Mkivunja ndoa yenu, wao pia, hawataathirika zaidi ya kuwacheka hata kuwang’onga na kuwaona wa hovyo. Jifunzeni kutunza siri zenu hata kama mtaambiwa za wengine. Kama ni ushauri, siyo kila umuendeaye atakushauri vizuri. Mjue. Kila mtu ana ushauri ila si kila ushauri ni bora.
            Pili, hawaheshimiani. Tushaambwa. Heshima si utumwa na ni kitu cha bure chenye thamani. Msingi mmojawapo wa ndoa ni kuheshimiana. Hakuna uungwana unaoweza kukuza na kuzidisha upendo kama wawili kuheshimiana. Tunajua. Nyinyi si malaika. Pia, si mashetani. Mkiheshimiana, mtapendana na kuthaminiana na si kubomoana msijue mnajibomoa wenyewe. Msipoheshimiana, mtadharauliana na kudharauliwa hata na msiotegemea kama vile watoto wenu. Hata hao mnaowapelekea umbea juu ya tofauti hata ugomvi wenu, wanawananga na kuwadharau kwa uzembe huu. Não, wanayo yao.
            Tatu, wana lugha mbaya. Wanabagazana, kudhalilishana, kufokeana, na kutukanana tena mbele ya watoto wasijue wanavyowaharibu na kujiharibia. Kama matusi ndilo chaguo lenu za kuibua hoja na kupoza hasira, basi nendeni faraghani mtukanane mmalize na kuchoka. Kwanini kuwahusisha wasiohusika? Je, inasaidia nini zaidi ya kuongeza matatizo kwenu na wasio husika? Kama mna tofauti au ugomvi, nenda chumbani, au toka muende faraghani mfokeane hadi mchoke.
            Nne, hawaaminiani. Msipojiamini na kuaminiana, wengine hawatawaamini. Kuaminika huzaa kuaminika. Kadhalika, kutoaminiana huzaa kutoaminiwa. Kutoaminiana ni zao la kutojiamini. Je, mtaaminiwaje wakati hamjiamini wala kuaminiana?
            Tano, wanadharauliana. Watu wanaweza kuheshimiana bila kudharauliana. Katika hili, wahusika uheshimu mipaka yao na ya wenzao. Wadharaulianapo, mjue. Watadharauliwa. Kuliepuka hili, mhusika asijidharau, kudharauliwa, au kumdharau mwenziwe.
            Sita, wanashindana. Ndoa si mashindano bali kukubaliana kuishi na kufanya mambo pamoja kwa faida yenu wote. Kama mke ni mwili wa mume na mume ni mwili wa mke, nani awezaye kushindana na mwili wake? 

    Tunaposema mke na mume ni mwili mmoja, tunamaanisha matendo na siyo kuchukua miili miwili na kuiunganisha kibaolojia bali kijamii na kimahusiano. Ashindanaye na mwenzie, anashindana na yeye mwenyewe. Ni sawa na paka au panya kukimbiza mkia wake au mtu kukimbia kivuli chake. Hakuna mshindi wanandoa washindanapo.
    Sasa wahusike wafanye nini?
        Kuna njia nyingi za kuepuka hayo tuliyotaja hapo juu.
Kwanza, ni kuelewa kuwa hayajengi wala kuimarisha ndoa bali kuibomoa. Hivyo, jibu ni kufanya mambo kinyume. Kacheni mliyokuwa mifanya. Mtaona matokeo yake na kushangaa. Jaribu muone.
        Pili, fanyeni tathmini ya matendo na ndoa yenu. Katika kufanya hivyo, ainisheni hasara na faida (kama zipo) juu ya matendo yanu hatarishi.
        Tatu, kuweni wawazi baina kwelikweli ili kulijua na kuliona tatizo pamoja na kutafuta suluhu pamoja kwa sababu athari za matendo yenu huwaathiri pamoja. Dawa ya uchafu ni usafi. Na dawa ya migogoro ni amani na kukubaliana kuishi kwa amani na kuacha yote yale yanayowakwaza. Mjue. Mnajikwaza wenyewe. Hivyo, mwaweza kujiondoa kwenye vikwazo wenyewe mkiamua. Hamna mchawi bali nyinyi wenyewe. Je, wapo wangapi kama hawa?
        Mwisho, tunasisitiza. Waathirika badilini tabia na mwelekeo. Fanyani tofauti na mlivyozoea kufanyiana. Mtaona mabadiliko makubwa. Kimsingi, hakuna mchawi bali nyinyi wenyewe. Hivyo, msipoteze fedha na muda kutafuata mchawi. Mnaye baina yenu.
Chanzo: Mwananchi Jpili leo.

Nimeamriwa kufungua hekalu la God la KGBJRJFRM

 Nikiwa sina hili wala lile, juzi, nilitokewa na Malaika wa Bwana akaniminyaminya na kuniamru nianzishe Kanisa ili kuikoa dunia hii inayoangamizwa na uzwazwa. Mwanzoni nilikataa kufanya hivyo nikidhani ni ndoto tu. Mara ya pili, si nilimezwa na samaki aina ya changu kwa siku tatu kule Manzese mpaka Bi Mkubwa alipostuka wakati nilikuwa napitia kwenye majaribio aliyopitia Yona yule mjanja aliyemezwa na Nyangumi wa kike kwa siku tatu. Hayo tuyaache.
         Baada ya juzi kusikia Askopo moja wa kujipachia ambaye duka lake la kuchuuza na kuuza roho za mafyatu waliokata tamaa na kutapatapa, si nikaijiwa na wazo la kifyatu la kufyatua njuluku kirahisi. Hapa, lazima nifyatue ukweli. Lazima nifyatue njuluku tena kiulani. Soon, sitaitwa Fyatu kapuku bali Fyatu mkwasi. Najuta. Sijui kwanini nilipoteza muda vyuoni wakati kuna fursa rahisi kwa hata vilaza na vihiyo kupiga njuluku ndefu! Maana, unene wa NGO kama hii ni wa kujipachika. Auhitaji kupiga shule mpaka ukafyatuka na kuonekana chizi.
            Kusema ule ukweli, tuache utani. Sikuamini kusikia madai ya ajabu kuwa ndata wetu waaminifu na watiifu waliokuwa wakilinda duka hilo la Ufu na Uendawazimu eti walikwapua mabilioni! Du! Wamejua kutufyatua! Inakuwaje kwa mwizi anaiba mwizi kama kweli njuluku ilipigwa? Kumbe mkuki ni kwa nguruwe!  Hekalu la Sir God na njuluku wapi na wapi wakati mwana wa Adam alikuja na kuondoka akiwa kapuku? Ajabu, wezi, sorry, wapigaji wenye roho mtakakitu wakimuita roho mtakatifu wanawafyatua mafyatu wasiofyatuka na kuhoji kuwa wanamhubiri mwana wa Adam huyu ambaye mie namjua kwa sababu ni wa ukoo wangu.
            Jina la kanisa langu linaitwa The Kasri of all God's, All Binadams and Jinni for Redemption and Jannah Firdaws Roho Mtakakitu Mtakatifu (KGBJRJFRMM). Usishangae urefu na utata wa jina la nyenzo yangu. Kuwapata mazwazwa wakaamini umepiga vitabu lazima utumie kimombo na majina marefu. Pia, lengo jingine ni kuunganisha din izote na kuepuka mchezo wa kutumia dini, udini, na udini kuwagawanya na kuwadhoofisha mafyatu japo hawafutuki na kushutukia huu ufyatuaji tunaotumia kuwafyatua.
        Kuwafyatua mafyatu vizuri, lazima nishughulikie matatizo yote Hivyo, wale wote wenye matatizo kama vile uzwazwa, umaskini, ugumba, uchungu, huzuni, mawazo, wasiwasi, waliovimbiwa, wenye njaa, waliotekwa, waliopotezwa nk.nk. Mie nitawapatia majibu ya matatizo yenu yote. Unatoa sadaka kidogo au kununua maji ya uzima na matatizo yako yote yanaisha hapo hapo. Mfano, shoo yangu ya kwanza ni kuahidi kumfufua Aminia Mfupa au kujifanya nimepooza halafu nikajitibu mwenye japo ukweli ni kwamba mganga hajigangi. Nitahakikisha natengeza maji ya uzima ambayo nitayajaza urahibu ili atakayeyaonja awe anarudi kununua mengine nami nafyatua njuluku. Hapa, dhambi iko wapi? Si tuliaswa kwa wajinga ndio waliwao?
            Najua wengi wataanza wivu wa kizwazwa. Watahoji kwanini mwana wa Adam alihubiri umaskini nami nataka njuluku. Simpo. Ufalme waliwao ni wa mbinguni. Sie, wajanja ufalme wetu ni wa hapa duniani. Msishangae. Kwanza, kuna vishawishi vingi ambavyo muovu sheitwan kaniletea. Mfano, ukifungua duka la kawaida TrA wanakuandamana wakati la kiroho hakuna kulipa kodi japo unawatoza wachovu kodi. Pia, kwa kutumia hii nyenzo, naweza kuingiza bidhaa zangu toka ughaibuni tena zisizo za kiriho na za wengine free. Hawa, nitakaowasaidia kutumia nyenzo yangu kupitisha bidhaa zao, lazima niwatoze kodi mwenyewe japo sitozwi. Nani hataki ulaji huu wa dezo tena unaotaka ubunifu na kutumia akili kiduchu?
            Kwa vile wachovu hawana njuluku kama nitakazowakamua, nitawahimiza wamtegemee Mungu awalinde. Ila nashauri wasishangae kwanini mimi nitakuwa nalindwa na mabaunsa. Ni kwa sababu shetani anayeniandama ahitaji kupambana na Mungu bali mabaunsa. Ili kuhakikisha nafaidi hii fursa na ubunifu mpya, nitahakikisha natumia hii kitu yangu kugombea urahis. Maana, nao nimegundua ahuhitaji elimu wala chochote isipokuwa urahisi na utayari kuhomola na kuhondomola. Hapa, lazima nijifunze kwa tapelo mmoja aliyewahi kucheza haka kamchezo. Si alijiunga na chata twawala hadi akazawadiwa uhishimiwa hadi alipolikoroga akataka kuwatumia waliomtumia ili watumiane wakaishia kumtimua na kufunga duka lake akabakia kubweka kama dogi tena akijifanya kulaani yale aliyokuwa akiyashabikia zama zile za Mwendaze. Hapa, nitachanganya duni na siasa japo twaonya kuwa havichanganyikani. Mbona vinachanganyikana. Upaswacho kufanya ni kupiga siasa ukiwa ndani ya chata twawala. Duni na siasa japo vyote ni duni, havichanganyikani kama uko upingajini kwa akina Tunda Lishe.
           Ili kupiga njuluku ndefu, nitaanzisha mradi wa Kutenda miujiza. Hapa, lazima ‘nifufue’ wafu na kuponya vilema. Naona yule anashangaa. Kwani, kufanya mazingaombwe, sorry miujiza ni vigumu hivyo? Si unacheza mchezo na kupandikiza vilema feki ambao mkipata mnagawana. Unacheza na miujiza? Ukiachia hadithi na ngano za kufikirika na amewahi kuitenda?
            Mwisho, nitajipachika mavyeo mazito. Kuanzia leo, naitwa Alhaj, Mtakatifu, Mchunaji, sorry, Mchungaji, Askopo, sorry, Askofu, Kardinali, Papa, Paroko, Bruda, Darwesh, Daktari, Profesa, Maulana Muadhama, Shehena, sorry, shehe Ulama, n.k, n.k, etc. Hivi, nani walinileta hapa Mirembe?
Chanzo: Mwananchi leo Jtano.