Sunday, 10 January 2016

Boozer proposes axing presidential perks

 After Dr. Joni Kanywaji Mugful came to power two months ago, the dirty linens of the former regime are on the agora for every eye to see enjoy and jeer for the victims; and frown for the beneficiaries. Essentially, Dr. Mugful’s opened Pandora’s Box if not dressing down the former sitting-duck-like regime which’s but a cabal of fisadis and swindlers who held our hunk at ransom wantonly.
            Guess what. After evidencing all garbage and messes the former regime was sitting on, boozers have decided to put such stuff to an end. As we’re swallowing Kanywaji and talking about how Escrow buggers will always screw us big time one boozer came with a very revolutionary suggestion.  Sweat it not my friend. When I say revolution, I don’t mean coup d’état. I mean a different and lucid way of doing things for the benefit of all boozers including their thieves in their offices who receive bribes and let criminals get away with murder.
            The boozer who answers to the name of Fyatu left us baffled when he proposed that the president that’s let down the boozers shouldn’t receive any kinua mgongo. He said that such a person should be delivered to the gaol so that he can do his time just like the likes of Charles Taahira and Laurent Badboy who are now rotting in The Hague for failing to deliver.
            Before long, the son of man added more spices. He questioned the rationale –for instance –of remunerating Jake Kiquette whom Dr. Mugful Kanywaji has proved to be but a damp squib. The boozer didn’t end up there. Without any gist of fear, wanted to know what Jake was doing for ten years if Danganyika was as rotten as Dr. Mugful found it. He added as he frowned, “What is Jake remunerated for if at all he failed to collect revenues, punishing drug barons, Kagoda, EPA, Escrow architects and whatnot?”
            As the boozer went on puking cool stuff, everybody’s peeping outside to see if there were any security guys or cops who’d charge us with made-up cases to please their bosses. We’d to take some measure especially in the hunk where big thieves are rewarded while petty offenders are incarcerated forever for their stupidity of steal small things instead of big sums of dosh like the Escrow buggers did. Do you remember the bugger who’s apprehended recently smuggling billions of dosh worth of tanzanite?  After doing his stuff he’s sentenced to either pay Tshs 15ish million or go to jail for six years. Given that they puta was prepared paid such vijisenti and became a free criminal! Compare this stinking corruption to what transpired in the same week whereby some mugs were sentenced to serve 60 years in jail for just pilfering Tshs. 300,000.
            Going back to presidential remunerations and yum-yum, it seems.  Our entertaining boozers of the day Mr. Fyatu took the mic and hollered, “Those who perform poorly are well remunerated while those who perform well end up being left to die of hardship. If you think I am making this up go ask former East African Community workers. How many years have they waited for their emoluments? From there go ask Jake if he hasn’t already started enjoying his fat perks. Little bird told me that Africa is always poor not because it is godsent situation or anything but internal colonialism perpetrated by black colonialists we entrusted our offices to misuse and abuse as they deem fit.”
             Fyatu fears nothing but fear. After sipping more kanywaji he went on lecturing us saying, “Sometimes you don’t get it. How a dude that presided over the regime that allowed thieves to smuggle out containers in thousands can be remunerated instead of having a date with the judge.”
            Fyatu smiled at the wall and went on, “Isn’t this rewarding crimes and graft in the first place? Is there any dangerous enemy of the people that this really? You wonder to find that the dude that burnt a lot of dosh globetrotting is awarded more yum-yum while many boozers are dying of preventable and treatable diseases.”
             After finding that Fyatu was dominating the gathering, I decided to chip in. I asked him, “You keep on blaming others which is wrong. Tell us what you would do if you were president.”  He spat and looked at me as if I were offal if not a born that a dog has left and said, “The president of Danganyika?” I replied affirmatively. He said, “I’d vend you to modern slave masters the same way your ancestors were vended by Arabs to Europeans.”
             All boozers laughed till eyes were full of tears. Fyatu didn’t laugh. Instead he calmly said, “What do you do with the hunk of the blind where thieves are always rewarded while do-gooders are jeered and laughed at? Go ask Harbinger Singasinga and Jimmy Rugemalayer, Roast Tamu L’Aziz and other buggers such as those of UdA.”
Source: Guardian, Jan.,10, 2016.

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