Let us start with wishing everybody a very spiffy new year 2016 that saw our hunk having a very brand new responsible government under JPM. If anything, the year 2016 is the year of change. This year marks the end of business as usual for those who were wantonly robbing the boozers. What’s more, this year is the year of unscrambling the netherworld of graft in Bongo that’s ring a bell in my head. After becoming aware of the existence of specious companies that belong to bigwigs working with the govt, one question struck mind. How many such like companies are out there? The so-called Engineered Graft and Mali Amassing (EGMAs) seem to make more dosh than employment. I, for one, have assigned myself the duty of unearthing these economic vampires so that they can face the music. Boozers are saying enough is enough. They are committed to helping Dr. Kanywaji to see to it that everybody is living according to his sweat but not by sucking the sweat and the blood of others as it was under Njaa Kaya who turned our hunk into shamba la bibi or No Man’s Land.
Given that in Bongolalaland any quack can make a killing, I am intending to form a mannered company so that I can rake some dosh in by investigating other EGMAs. I, therefore, submit that soon I’ll form my EGMA as a consultancy company especially for those who want to evade tax not to forget all those involved in capital flight. So, too, my company will pretend that it helps businessperson to get their consignments out of the harbour without paying even a dime.
To make sure that I am becoming super rich overnight by robbing robbers, I’m going to form an religious group known as Baraza la Kuula Tanzania (BAKUTA) or Evangelical of God for Messianic Assembly (EGMA) so that I can use it to deceive all belief-based outfits that used to enjoy tax holidays just like others I heard purporting they imported vehicles that have never been seen anywhere except in their pockets.
After my rip off tools against robbers starts to pay dividends for my creativity, I’ll by a chopper that’ll pretend to offer to those opposing Dr. Kanywaji in the coming general elections. I’ll convince them that Dr. Kanywaji will lose squarely in the next general elections so that robbers can resume their missions as it was under the former regimes that were dupable and cool as far as robbing the hunk is concerned.
Being the smartest chap on earth, I will make sure that my business in the name of God Almighty won’t be touched by any bin-Adam be he or she president, Premier or a taxman. If you live in smart hunk where individual are rich than the govt, you must learn how to use the govt to make dosh. Again, for me things are different. I know the powers that be are bankrupt. This is why I’ve decided to form companies that’ll fleece the robbers in the hunk where every conman and con woman can easily make a killing. With my religious tools, I’ll act like missionaries during colonial era. I’ll pretend to pray for robbers while I actually investigate them and pass on their information to the govt so that they can be crucified just like our people were during the colonial era.
To seal the deal, I’ll touch base with Dr. Kanywaji to tell him how committed I’m when it comes to helping him to cleanse the hunk. I’m sure he’ll buy into my plans of changing the hunk from a robbed one to a prosperous one. First of all, I’ll want to know how many bogus companies are out there. Secondly, I’d like to know all biggies behind these companies so that we can jail them for life after nationalizing all mammon they amassed by robbing the pauperized boozers. To begin with, for the month of January, I’ll dig in the underground business empires that belong to dudes such as Eddie Ewasa, Rush Baddie, Hurry Kitilia, Nizero Kadamage, Riz and Sal Kiquette, Ben and Annie Makapi not to forget Alie Huss Muinyi and other biggies I’m sure are running the rings of robbers because they waged great power in the hunk. My trap will spare no thief. Even those using lobes to rob us will be a fair game as far as my set-up is concerned. While boozers are aiming at exploring the future mine will be to explore the past from the day mzee Mchonga hanged the boots.
Though this is a boozer project, to make is successful for the benefit of all boozers and Bongolalalanders please we ask all victims to volunteer information so that we can put a stop on criminality that’s pauperized our earthlings in this hunk. I therefore submit that this project isn’t mine but yours. So, whenever you volunteer info you are ushering your prosperity in.
Source: Guardian, Jan., 3, 2016.
Source: Guardian, Jan., 3, 2016.