Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Gordon Brown, borrow a leaf from Bongo on corruption

I USED to adore and ape the British ways of administration be it at home or abroad in the colonies then.

What transpired recently pissed me off. Who could believe MPs and ministers would be grounded about their expenditures?

I now hate and trash the way MPs and ministers are suspended not to mention those that have already stood down.

I got it that the speaker of the House of Commons, Hon. Michael Martin, has written history for becoming the first to stand down in 300 years. He made a very big mistake. He openly admits that ’’we’ve let you down’’ instead of chest beating and saying ’’we�re voted to eat and spend lavishly; and if you doubt this go to Bongolala and see how our colleagues do it’’.

My heart goes out to Shahid Malik, Junior Minister of Justice, Martin (the speaker) and MPs that fell simply because they spent wisely on their mortgages.

How on earth can you suspend an MP for just spending say 13,000 pounds or presenting fake claims?
Methinks Mr Brown, you’d commit suicide if you realized that 25% of the MPs and 33% of the cabinet consists of people with fake degrees.

Mr Brown, won’t you lose your head if you come to Bongo where a mere BoT officer can inflict the loss of 200bn/-?
I still can understand you. Why did you suspend honorable MPs for spending such peanuts?

What if they would have done like Uncle Ben and his cabinet that took public houses and he’s still called a hero worth of being protected by the high and the mighty?

Now, to help you, never again crucify your MPs for no reason or attempt suttee. Do this; form the Promotion and Condoning of Corruption Bureau (PCCB). This mock-up will help you to ’investigate’ the biggies and find nothing wrong in their actions and omissions.

On top of it, form a monkey committee consisting of your cheerleaders and friends to probe the allegations. Then sit on its findings. Never allow a parliamentary select committee to be formed.

I’m afraid it can do stuffs it did to my consigliere Eddie Ewassa. Never ever again allow this! Even birds and insects will heckle and laugh at you.

Another right thing to do is act like the wise monkey. Pretend not to hear all noises and brouhahas the public make about corruption.

Also make sure you oft-visit a heart-attack-free Bongo so as to avoid committing suicide. We're experienced guys who wisely braved Kagoda, Meremeta, Deep Green Finance, Mwananchi Gold, Kiwira Mines, ANBEN, Tanpower etc. These, sir, are the projects we successfully ran and manned so as to make our hank proud.

What’s more, whenever damning allegations surface, term them as fabrications and lies by opposition. Politicize everything. And don’t forget to maintain a broad smile wherever you are as you brave them.

I know you’re currently worried your party might lose elections. Worry not sir. Instead of committing suicide or crucifying your buddies, just tell them to enact a law allowing bribery during the elections. Call the same takrima or generosity. This law has proved to be miraculous when it comes to ushering in good chaps for deals.

If voters harden their heads so as to avoid the bait, just dispatch police to knock sense into their empty heads.

So when you’re waiting to fulfill your traveling arrangements, rest assured that you’ll get free tuition on how to combat corruption without torturing your head or sacrificing your buddies. Welcome to Bongolala.
Source: Thisday May 27, 2009


You’re assured of getting a free tuition that will enable you to do and get away with it in this corruption kerfuffle.

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