Watch your laptop, Mr President

WHEN it was announced that the DPP's laptop or electronic notebook was stolen, many thought it's just because it had government top secrets, especially those concerning Kagoda and the like. So the buggers behind it wanted to get rid of them and get away with it.

Others thought it was a normal incident involving ’vibaka’ who make away with whatever they put their hands on thanks to ’mtaji wa maskini’

Some thought, suspiciously though, the victims were lacking and wanted to get the pretext of getting rid of some itchy cases like the EPA stuff. Who knows?

Before long, we’re told, this time the laptops belonging to other two senior public officers, IGP and Chief Chemist were stolen! What’s up out there?

Are biggies targeted simply because they keep crucial documents or just because they're as lazy or vulnerable as any person? Is it true that their laptops keep top secrets and once they’re stolen everything goes under? What about back-ups?

Why should they keep such crucial documents on their personal notebooks or laptops in the first place? Is it fair for, say the president, to keep national documents on his personal computer to begin with? Methinks.

He cannot be such irresponsible when he knows that anything can happen especially in this hank full of abracadabra and sideshows.

I know in this country full of official government swimming in oodle, to have a laptop is an in-thing even if it contains nothing.

I’d strongly recommend that important public files should not be kept in private laptops. For our country has become indescribably reckless and unsecured. Do you remember the ’kibaka’ that outsmarted others at ’Ikulu’ as he made away with a five-thousand-worth flower?

Little bird told me the guy was looking for the president's laptop. This means our enemies, real and imagined, can use ’vibaka’ to, God debar, even topple our good government. Why did they get such easy access to ’Ikulu’?

Is it because many people, especially business ones, are nowadays easily allowed in to do some unknown biz? Remember Mwl. Nyerere warned that ’Ikulu’ is a sacred place!

Little bird added that soon the president's laptop will be stolen to make sure that his enemies get his secrets and turn tables against him. So too, the first mom must watch hers. Should ’vibaka’ get a hand on it; they’ll leak it to opposition especially after seeing WAMA’s secrets and how much it prints thanks to her connection to the seat of power.

So, Mr President, you need to keep tabs on your assistants if you think about surviving this purge. For, it came to light that those gadgets are not actually stolen. Instead, disgruntled and underpaid employees witnessing all blunders and sacrilege being committed in our offices leak the secrets to punish their greedy and dirty bosses.

You know what? Even the guy that was apprehended after stealing a flower was sent to steal your laptop. Though goons are saying your State House comptroller must resign, you need to promote him.

When the bomb exploded and killed innocent paupers of Mbagala slums, nobody was tasked to let other competent guys chip in. Look at how those manning aid for the victims are behaving. Little bird has it that they’re self-helping and nobody is being held accountable!

Our country is renown for loving peace. One guy told me that even if someone comes and takes our wives, we cannot hate him or deal with him! Even when sharks eat us, our ministers stand and defend them thanks to not wanting to spoil our good name.

So in a nutshell, good President, be informed that your enemies, especially in the opposition, are scheming to steal your laptop. They want to see how and why you appointed some biggies like district and regional commissioners, judges, and other top guys so as to fault you.

They, too, want to steal your strategies on combating drug trafficking, reviewing bogus contracts of investments, returning public houses the former regime stole and so on.
Anyway, don’t take me seriously. I am just kidding.
Source: Thisday May 20, 2009.