The other day my shushus, spies photocopied the diary of Mr Big whom detractors nicknamed Vasco da Gama of Africa due to his taste and love of touring the globe. After getting it, I decided to pen this piece to show the boozers how their dosh is burnt. I also decide to use this opportunity to make an evaluation of what Mr. Big will miss after being retired.
Jokes aside, the guy loved globetrotting. To crown it, he loved to be accompanied by his cronies, courtiers, relatives and bootlickers. Why had he to bother if the boozers picked the tab? So, today I am going to dwell on Mr. Big’s matanuzi to show how urahis make people mad. The y do so aimed at enjoying the world without paying any coin from their humungous mshiko paid for doing nothing but globetrotting. Today I am not going to beat around the bush. I am descending down to the issues.
According to Mr. Big’s diary whose copy my shushus brought to me, the man has really seen the world. Methinks he is the most traveled ruler on earth up till now. If there is a person who can compete with him as far as globetrotting is concerned is none other than his namesake Vasco da Gama of Spain.
Look at the entries of the diary. In January, the son of man toured France, Germany, Mozambique and Saudi Arabia (Just to console the royal grieving family for the loss of their king-Abdul). Ironically, when mzee Mchonga returned the number we did not see anything like that from Saudia! Was it kiherehere or what to not reciprocate the way the Saudis did when our beloved father of nation died or just mere ignorance and kujigonga because they have petrodollars? February saw the sightseer hit the road so as to tour Ethiopia, Kenya and Zambia. March as well saw the tourist in Burundi, Rwanda and Namibia while in April the tourist visited Algeria, Burundi and the US. In May the son of man was in the US once again! Try to imagine. How much dosh did the man burn in such hocus-pocus. I know his handlers will come up with many hoo-has such as claiming that the man was invited by the rulers of those countries he toured if not going there to attend some conferences. Well, does it mean that the man has to accept all invitations? If yes, why didn’t he send his aids such as the VP, the PM, or ministers even ambassadors to represent him? We don’t see Brack Obamiza globetrotting despite his country being rich and hegemonic so as to need to influence every hunk on earth. Again, there some fyatus who say that the dude tours many western capitals seeking some cure for his ailment. So be it. But they must tell us the truth if it is true that the guy goes for such services.
What’s more, since he came to ulaji, the dude has always concealed the number and names of those eaters that accompany him in his merrymaking trips abroad. Why has he been hiding the names of those eaters if there isn’t anything fishy? Now that time for eating and touring for free is up for him, I am sure he’ll miss these trips the same way the world of tourism abroad will miss him dearly. I wish the coming head should be barred from abusing our dosh like this. It pains me beyond comparison especially when I am told that my dosh is spent by the dude in his begging missions. Why should we beg as if we have neither brains nor hands? Why begging while we throw away our resources not to mention offering tax holidays to swindlers and thugs knows as investors?
Due to the penury our hunk has always been in, one would think that the dude would stay in his office and plan how to revamp our bed-ridden economy. Instead the guy has created more of a financial and economic black hole to our coffers. I am told our debt has swollen hugely just because of globetrotting.
Off the cuffs: The head of Promotion and condoning corruption Bureau (PccB) Eddy O’ shea spoiled my day when he asked foreign countries to help him in combating escrow as if he were serious. Go tell it to the birds. Stop politicking. If you’re serious take on them instead of hoo-ha. You know everything. If Swiss authorities offered to help you to unmask all that have accounts there you refused how will you work on new help? Go ask your boss who shields those criminals simply because they are in the same bed. Does an order to arrest Rugemalayer and Singa need any help from abroad? Please stop your big talk. If you can't work just put up or shut up.
Source: Guardian June 28, 2015.