Whatever joy the news wary form six results brought to the nation, sobs and cries will follow next. We’re told that the results of Form Sick’s (sic) examination for the year 2013/2014 students performed at a miraculously 95.98%. If anything, when I say this is a miraculous science Dr Shchool Kawadog applied to turn chronic failure into a win, I seriously mean it. You just create fast classes into first classes and others. Under this science of miracles, you invent the so-called Big Results Now (BRN) that some fyatus call Boy Resign Now. Others call it Brain Rot Nurturing. Instead of investing in whatever you aspire, just invent something big even if it is sham like the results in question. Instead of investing, for instance, in education just invent or reinvent it by changing the divisions and classes to look better and easier to achieve than before. Politically, you get away with it though academically it is the whole new ball game.
Moreover, some fyatus still ask why ever-failing students were able to perform miraculously. Need not to query such miraculous performance. The answer however is the same, miraculous science of performing discovered by Dr Kawadog and his team of expert at the Ministry of Ignorance, Miracles and Fabrications. Those thinking there’s something fishy should rest assured that there’s nothing fishy or meaty save the science of miracles. Again, such science’s come at crucial time of general elections next year. Without it do you think Kawadog and co will survive?
Don’t ask if teachers are well paid or books supplied and other essentials attended. These are not important anymore. At the stroke of a pen everything changes from worse to better. Under Kawadog Science of Inflating Numbers (SIN) our hunk’s become the first in the world to enable ever-failing students to perform miraculously. Who’d buy it that a Divisional School or Shule za Kata’d outdo established schools? They indeed did. Believe it or not politicians and their bullying party now have goodies to show on how they delivered boozers in rural areas.
Statistically speaking, what Kawadog achieved is second to none if not next to never. For, in the academic year 2011 performance rate improved by 0.36% from 87.24% (2010) to 87.58% 2011. This is normal before one applies the science of academic miracles which boosted the results in question. In the 2009 exam performance improved by 1.65% compared to the year 2008. It is very easy to make a follow up on how our nation performed. For instance, looking at performance from 2000 to 2012 no improvement’s ever reached nine percent. No more explanation can tell why 2013/14 saw such a boom except Kawadog’s Science of Inflating Numbers (SIN) by changing classes.
Oftentimes, when people query anything, they’re regarded as doomsayers or haters. This isn’t the case hither. People need to know why performance hit the roof from 87.85% last year to 95.98% this year while there wasn't reported any improvement or investment in education. Logic dictates that there must be convincing scientific explanation. This will help us to apply the same method even in other stalled areas. It doesn't hold water for 8.13% to be realized without any explanations. If there is no explanation it means that the said improvement is but hocus pocus.
Further, lack of logical explanation means there’s something concealed regarding this astounding and shadowy show. Is the secret behind this performance the way exam is marked or how division are arranged? Over eight percent increase can’t make sense without explanation lack of which our jubilation’ll be in vain. We need to question this big number before rejoicing pointlessly. This will help us avoid yet other goofy results in the future.
I fully concur with shadow minister for Education and Training, Susan Lyimo (CHADEMA) who’s quoted as saying, “Here we can see how the goal posts were expanded to allow goals easily between this year and last year. What else has been done? Teachers’ and students’ inspection was not conducted. How can performance improve?” If you ask this question Kawadog will tell you that Lyimo is an opponent whose job is to oppose even if what she averred makes more sense.
Dr Kawadog, cower not. Just come and tell those doubting your miraculous science how real it is. This mysterious performance reminds me of one private school in Dar es Salaam which used to perform miraculously. After stones were turned it came to light that it used to offer answers to candidates so that they perform well and boost its market. Is this why many private schools have always beaten public ones? Who knows?
In sum, if BRN is behind this miraculous performance, we still need to know how it was able to deliver within no time. Again, despite all hullabaloo and bugaboo doubts and whatnot, bravo Kawadog for your science of miracles of making make-believe stuff to look real.
Source: ThisDay Aug., 4, 2014.
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