In Praise of Kanywaji!

          First of all, I'd like to wish Felix Sit Annus Novus or Happy New Year to all my readers.

In his famous book, In Praise of Folly, Desderius Erasmus wrote, “...prick up your ears and I'll tell you how many benefits I bestow on both men and gods, how widely my sacred powers extend.” Yeah. We need to tell gods the truth they don’t want to hear. Though, when we tell them in a light and right way, they’ll love it. This is my New Year’s resolution --- to unpack and hammer more agonizing stuff to those gods. Again, given that this is the hunk of boozers, it is the right thing to do.

Erasmus’ book made him famous especially after Johann Gutenberg discovered printing press in1450. With his quips and wits, Erasmus used to poke funs, puns, lampoons and innuendos into the mighty especially the kings and bishops (gods). Today, just like Erasmus, I’ll write about kanywaji which turns bibbers into politicians. Praising Kanywaji, instead of gods, makes people laugh at themselves before feeling pity and guilty of their own deeds. Actually, my work is to open the hidden world of gods. The difference though is: bibbers don’t tell lies like politicians. They only tell lies to liquor sellers when they want to loan booze and don’t suck anybody. They don’t abuse money but liquor.

As a votive bibber, I can tell you: there’s nowhere on earth we enjoy freedom like at the pub aka parliament. There, we feel protected just like MPs. If anything, drinking or talking is our ordnung (unchallengeable rule). Differently, we don’t receive kickbacks or sitting or lying allowance. We schmooze and feel like we’re wiser than Greek philosophers. We know what others don’t know. We love our art of Sipping just like politicians love corruption.

We don’t care about how people look at us. We know: they regard us losers while we actually are gainers. We don’t make mountains out of mole hills like politicos do. We’re not movers, shakers and rainmakers. Again, our discussions create fear in those thought to be smarter. We take on everybody coming our way. We’re not cowards and hypocrites. We speak our mind regardless whether it touches to the gods or angels.

Of concern is the mega theft that’s recently reported in the ministries of power, domestic and monkey business. Those who steal our monies are still in office. Presidenza andTakokuru would like to keep tabs on ‘em. Sadly, these creatures are so elusive. Presidenza and Takokuru don’t see them. They’re a government within another.CAG’s report always discloses mega theft. I no longer read CAG’s stuff for the fear of dying of heart attack. It is as if we’re manned by mad and mediocre people. Mark my words. Kanywaji makes bibbers edgier so as to see the unseen, say the unsayable and touch the untouchables. In a sense, kanywaji makes us brave and bold and optimize our ability to think.

I’m not trying to rat on anybody. There, recently, has developed very appalling hypocrisy. Known thieves have nowadays turned the Houses of God into ceremonial masquerade. They steal money from public and pretend to donate it to the development of the society especially the construction of Houses of God. Can devils and sinners build the house of God? What’s wrong with those who invite them? Aren’t they accomplices? Are they building the house of God or house of thieves? Nowadays, God has become a conduit for theft. It is sad that the so-called believers have allowed themselves to be taken for a ride by their thievish leaders.

Bibbers are absolutists when it comes to dealing with whatever anomaly. We know: people call us fyatus or the crazy ones. We pay no damn. Who is crazy? The bibber who tell the truth or those who tell lies even to themselves? Who is bloody crazy, imbibers who speak their minds openly or those who rob even unborn creatures? When you steal public money, you steal from everybody (those alive and those that will come thereafter). When you sell the hunk you sell the future. Does this need one to have a PhD to understand? Again, those guys, despite having their fake PhDs, don’t get it. They’ve eyes they don’t see and they’ve ears they can’t hear. How can they if at all they’re heartless and shameless? How many do you know? I’m contemplating about inviting Presidenza to booze so it can hone him. And once this is done, surely he’ll take on these creatures given that he once said that he has the lists of almost every criminal in the hunk. Believe me. Presidenza is a very serious man who fears nobody except nothing. The problem he faces is the lack of kanywaji.

Bibbers live simple and poor life. Thieves live complicated and controversial life. Bibbers only steal a little from their wives while big thieves steal from everybody. We steal peanut while they rob billions. Who’s a national calamity; the bibbers or the big connected thieves? Whom do you hate to love between the duo? To me, a wise bibber is better than a boorish king. The ant that builds a smart termite is better than an engineer who built a substandard skyscraper. Don’t we know? How many buildings are ticking bombs around Kariakoo? How many substandard roads have ever been constructed in our hunk? Aren’t engineers and officials behind these projects smaller than ants? Epicurus said, “It is folly for a man to pray to the gods for that which he has the power to obtain by himself.” Oh my! Oh my!

Source: Thisday Dec.,1-6, 2013.