Bravo PCCB for gillnetting dagaas!

News that Promoting, and Condoning, sorry, Preventing and Combating, Corruption Bureau (PCCB) smartest official nabbed two teachers in the ‘forest’ of Mbeya soliciting cumshaw from their students yanked the nation. These chalk-dust-eating creatures calling themselves Gitmo used to ask for Tshs. 500 or 1,000. Had they known would end up in PCCB’s Guantanamo, would've chosen another moniker. The guys were asking for kitu kidogo and kitu kikubwa in broad daylight. Maybe, knowing that they’d die of Pneumoconiosis (a disease resulting from inhaling dust) any soon, decided to invent this monkey biz.

Dear PCC B, nabbing a person taking chump change needs courage of the mad. If you had none, you wouldn't have wasted time and money driving all the way from Mbeya town to the ‘forest’ hunting for pawns forced by ridiculous salaries to steal from their own students. Warning: This shouldn't be taken as an excuse. Watafungwa bure! Don’t they know you’re good at nabbing dagaa!

True, another proof that you’re ‘holy’ is that such tiny mshiko can’t produce any kitu kidogo for you. This is why you nab dagaa. Why didn’t you go to the pond to nab sharks? Mnawaonea dagaa. If anything, you remind me how I killed my dog after becoming famous for hunting mice instead of antelopes rabbits and gazelles. Who needs and feeds such a stupid dog?

Now that you’re eyeing schools, go to other institutions and stop ‘underwear kickbacks.’ Do you know who do this? Simple, hyena-like tutors do force or lull miniskirters to give them a forbidden fruit aka urodas as a condition of not failing in their exams. Thereafter, comes, “Digrii za chupi”, literally underwear degrees. Lord! It seems that in this monkey biz, everything is underwear everything--- underwear tutors, underwear girls, underwear elites even underwear politicians. Saying that underwear is everything or everybody shouldn't be taken offensively. What language should I use to address this dystopia of corruption and nihilism? Mtakwisha kwa miwaya!

Again, I abhor derogatory language of using underwear as a gender object. Though underwear is underwear, calling underwear something might seem offensive. But again, if you look at the spirit of the user that underwear degree or anything becomes a factor implying that something was obtained by means of underwear. Well, well! I’ve gotten the rationale! The thing is. When two people involved in underwear tango do their things, all remove underwear. Maybe, just maybe, this is why Swahili called it underwear thing.

Off-the-hook cue: What’d one say, for instance, if one is being treated in a certain way because of gender? The guys of Mjengoni know this too well especially when they’re forced to choose a speaker simply because she’s a woman. Please don’t call this chupi biz. I am cock-sure you won’t. Don’t please. For if you do, your MP will be gagged just like Godbless Lema when he said mzee Mizengwe Pinda is a fiber. Whether he’s, and still is a liar, is nothing I can talk about. Again, how a holy, high and mighty bin-Adam like Pinda can be called a liar by an earthling even if he is? Again, given that Mr. Pinda is a politician, so is Lema, they know one another too well.

By the way, I heard some ruckus and rumps about the road from Uzuri to Kijitonyama that’s blocked by H.E speaker of Mjengo, Ann Se-crocodile Makinda, is still blocked despite the expiry of time city council authorized. Wakubwa wa Kiswahili bwana! Disgusting! How can one soul deny others their rights and still call herself a leader? PCCB, don’t you see this megalomania? Au mnamuogopa?

Back to underwear biz, I’m told that the product of underwear degrees is the major source of having unqualified punks in our offices. So too, it is a good source of miwaya aka HIV. This, plus rampant degree forgers in the hunk, especially in the upper echelons of power, adds more blows to our system so to speak.

If you seriously take on them, our hunk will be corrupt free in the near future. This proves how sharper are your eyes. You've such sharp eyes that you can see such tiny kickbacks. Again, there’s one disadvantage in having such micro-sharper eyes. This is known as high-macro blindness- malady. The person suffering from this disease sees tiny things but can’t bigger ones. This is why you've nary nabbed any sharks in our pregnant pond. With such disability we now know why you’re able to run in school teachers but not political teachers, who, in essence, sire such practices in our hunk. This is why you can’t see the guys who stashed billions in Swiss and other offshore banks.

Hadn't you been suffering from this malady, you’d have nabbed the sharks that Reggie Mengi once complained of. I’m told, the pond, however smaller it is has a lot of sharks fighting one another to survive. Can I add another shark I heard bibbers pointing the finger at? This is Amdurahaman Kinamna. The bibbers said to have water-tight evidence proving he’s illegal exporting our animals and their parts to some far countries in the east.

A little bird told me that the pond’s so many sharks that some are in your ranks. I doubted it. The birdie proved its point averring that if I want to die of heart attack, I should go and see the villas and mansions PCCB officials own. Given that I still need to live, I didn't dare. Is this why Sarah Hermitage called you thugs and you didn't refute?

Source: Thisday 18-24 March, 2013.