Saturday, 19 September 2015

JK’s send-off dirge






It is obvious that time is up for President Jake Kiquette. I think he’s currently packing up ready to hit the road to oblivion. We indeed will miss his shows which were but a tragicomedy of some sort so to speak. Many will miss him especially the kit and caboodle that benefited under his lasssez-faire watch. Boozers will miss his promises that he seriously wanted to fulfill. I still remember his super promise of Better Life for All (BLA) which benefited All around him especially members of his family, partners, friends and partners. Chaps like Eddie Luwasa, Jimmy Rugemalayer, Singasiga Roat Tamu Aziz, Nizero Kadamage and many more will badly miss his generosity that enabled them to become billionaire in the hunk of dirty paupers. Again, as Jake exits the scene who knows what Dr. Kanywaji will do after taking over?
 I wonder now when I hear chaps like Eddie make rumpus accusing Jake of all messes such as laxity, doing nothing and whatnot.  Why don’t they appreciate that Jake was a good globetrotter that brought fame to the hunk? Had he not been lax–I think–such fellas would have been wailing in Segerea after robbing the hunk. Do they think we’ve forgotten Richmonduli? Hell no! They must remember Dr. Harry Mwakiembe’s warning that they can have a date with a judge anytime shall the powers that be decide to.
Another promise I remember vividly despite being sozzled is about creating jobs. Indeed, the son of man created a lot of jobs for all such as Salmia, riz-wani, Willy maschillings, Amie Makara, Silvia and Mihigie Rweyependekeza who’ll miss his reign dearly. Again, when Jake promised better life for all (BLA) boozers didn’t get it. They didn’t know he meant Better Life for All around him especially courtiers, bootlickers and praise singers. How many ambassadors DCs judges, RCs and whatnot he offered such posh jobs? Had he not been the head do you think kids like Riz-one would have landed parliamentary jobs? What of the first woman who ended up creating a company through which she raked a lot of dosh not to mention being welcomed and treated like president simply because he shares bed with the big man?
 Indeed, Jake created jobs under the doctrine of expanding the size of the govt to create political jobs he awarded to friends and partners. Sometimes, absolute power corrupts absolutely especially when on is an imperial president.   You can gage this under Jake whereby all those alleged to have participated in graft weren’t charged, jailed even interrogated. What a legacy! Jake’s legacy surpasses even mzee Ruxa’s who initiated all this theatre we enjoy today in the upper echelons of power.
Being a guy who’s hyped as kipenzi cha walevi, Jake made sure that everybody did whatever he or she deemed fit. Drug barons will miss him immensely not to forget our animals that ended up boarding planes as they flew to the Gulf.  For the love of his earthlings, Jake made sure that nobody suffers under his watch. Fakers were not put in trouble due to the fact that they gained more diplomas.  How many doctors were made under Jake’s watch? Had it not been for Jake –do you think–literati like Marry Nyagu, Dolorous Kamala, Emmy Nchimvi, Makorongo Mahanga, Didier Makalio, Billy Lukuvie and others would become ones? Remember the founder of this science Cyril Chitalilo? Why then say that he didn’t provide and improve education while people landed PhDs easily and faster? Don’t ask if such degrees are genuine or not.  Dr. School Kawa-dog will too miss the man dearly.
Our shilling that’s always been in the ICU will dearly miss the guy who allowed to it to enjoy a free fall as our external debt swelled astronomically.
What should I say vis-à-vis guys like, thugs EPA, Escrow and Kagoda who made a killing easily and got away with murder? Guess what. If it Jake weren’t a loving person, such people would have rotted behind bars given that he still has the lists of almost every criminal in the hunk.
So, too, school girls who were impregnated will remember him for giving them the best advice ever saying they must stop kiherehere in order to avoid being poked.
          Another thing that boozers will miss is oft-seeing Jake boarding pipa as he globetrotted to see to it he gets dosh for their upkeep. So, too, as his handlers and spin doctors used to tell us, his many trips abroad brought a lot of dosh however our external debt kept on opposing his efforts to make our hunk richer. Those who used to enjoy a ride whenever the man toured the world will miss him dearly too.
          Jake did a lot of things. His legacy is second to none. He loved his paupers dearly. He enjoyed them.  Though, I don’t know if they enjoyed him the same way.
Go Jake go. Go never turn back. Go. Many eaters and joyriders who used to accompany him will miss you though in different styles and manners. All in all, we’ll miss Jake's courage of the mad to see to it that the hunk was on autopilot for ten years of your stewardship.
Source: Guardian Sept., 20, 2015.

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