Is it Dar-Es-salaama or Dar-Si-Salaam?

-NHC and Ilala City with their ballyhoos lies and vitukos!

First of all, my heart goes out to the families of those who lost their beloved ones in downtown-Dar-man-made calamity. I won’t offer condolences to Mr. President. Why if at all he didn't stop this carnage? Had an investor, whom I’m told was recently, nabbed fleeing the hunk, died, seriously I’d have offered my condolences.

It came to light that National Hopeless Corporation (NHC) is behind a multi-storey building that collapsed and claimed many lives recently. I cried like crazy for the hunk for being privatized to bête noires disguising as investors backed by greedy and venal public officers. I suspended Kanywaji for a while. Yeah. We've such brigands who do dangerous stuff without being detected, and if detected, aren't prosecuted. They buy their way out.

It is hard to believe that a proposed 10-storey building would be inflated to 16 storeys without city authorities being a part of this stinking corruption. Is it true city fathers didn't know anything? Were they dined and wined so as not see all this mess? Circumstantially yep. This way, deaths resulting from substandard or ‘no-standard’ buildings are just beginning. For, Dar- Si -Salama and other advanced-slum-like cities and town are but ticking bombs waiting to explode and claim more many innocent lives.

According to Athuman Nassor, a sentry at the neighbouring mosque, even birds knew what’s going on. He’s quoted as saying, “I once told those labourers that what they’re doing was not well…” If a mere sentry who’s not enlightened in architecture could see the anomalies, what of an engineer? One boozer left us in stitches even though the issue at hand‘s not a laughing matter. He said, “You know guys, when kickbacks are offered, can blind even a microscope.” This makes me fear the Kigamboni proposed super bridges if those are the investors we've. Who wants to become fish’s breakfast? Time will tell.

Those who grew up in Bongo know too well how houses in this city and city itself are floating in the ocean of sewage and other dangerous stuff. Looking at the volume of buildings compared to the density of the soil, lack of responsible and able administration, planning and policies, chances are that much danger is likely to knock on the door any soon. Have we forgotten Chang’ombe calamity and Lowassa commission that’s never revealed it findings? What of Mtendeni calamity? True, our cities are suffocated. All air corridors are chocked up by good-for-nothing- business premises. Ironically, this does not cause any alarm to the authorities! How can this bother them if at it creates good environment for bribes? Again, all those anomalies make our cities suicidal to live in.

As chair of boozers, I've issued an advisory to the bibbers against congregating in killer Dar city centre. Boozers are lucky that their wives who happen to be ‘mother put for me’ aka mama ntilie don’t vend their unhealthy foods in downtown. They don’t have the mussels to compete with Indian business people.

All was said and acted. Bigwigs came to the scene to show their sympathy. Again, is this what we want as a solution? What left me baffled are NHC’s and Ilala City Authority’s explanations.

NHC said that it knew the deal however did not play any role except to dish out the plot to an ‘investor’ who could use or abuse it as he deems fit as it truly happened. Go tell it to the birds. Even birds can’t buy this broad light lies. What does having 25 shares in the project mean if the you don’t know how the project’s manned? Phew, stinking Bongolalaland or No-man’s land aka shamba la bibi!

Ilala City said that they issued a permit for a 10-storey building that they ‘supervised’ and let the investor add more six storeys! Again, if they supervised the project as they’re saying, does it mean that the killer investor removed the roof? For, if they supervised to the finishing it was impossible for a person even genie to add anything without their knowledge? Who’s fooling who? If a mere guard could see every mess why then good city officials didn't see it? Rushwa tu. Wise monkey sees nothing, hears n nothing and says nothing. Sadly though, if there is anything our city planners, engineers, managers, directors and city geezers are good at is only bad plans. Show me one even a half of a well-planned city in the hunk, I’ll quit booze. While others are embarking on progressive and futuristic city plans, ours has always been fatalistic and 'retrogressively' archaic ones.

For the first time, Mr. President called shots ordering the arrest of the villains. Good job though firefighting strategy that will die soon after the loss has been absorbed and forgotten won’t solve the problem. Again, will there be any follow-ups? Better said than done! Methinks we need to deal with the system instead of whitewashing targeting a few individuals abusing the already screwed up system. Even if good presider sheds tears of blood, fyatus will take it as crocodile tears. If you truly loved them why then allow such a system to be the order of the day? Graft everywhere and then people start crying! Crying or feeling sorry does not solve the problem. Where are those guys who sold government light crafts at the tune of Tshs. 500,000? Fight graft as you stop ballyhoos, abracadabra and naked lies. Do you think we’re all stupid and mad? Who knows? This is Bongo anything can happen.

Source: Thisday April 1, 2013.

Mhadhara, mkesha…mhadhara, mkesha!

Wapendwa wasomaji wa safu hii, napenda kuwaleteeni habari njema ambayo bila shaka itakonga nyoyo zenu.

Ninaamini mtakapomaliza kusoma, mtakuwa mmejaa ‘roho mtakakitu’ na kitu chenyewe ni imani na furaha katika maisha yenu.

Ingawa mimi ninafikiri kilevi, ninaamini huduma yangu inawaburudisha na kuwafikirisha wengi. Na hakika, hii ndio dhamira yangu pamoja na safu hii.

Najua ninao wapenzi wengi na maadui kadhalika, kuhusu ninayoyaweka kwenye safu hii. Kwani juzi mtaani kwetu, baada ya kushuka kwenye daladala, kuna `njemba’ ilinitisha.

Ilisema hivi, “we mlevi unayejifanya kuishi Canada nakujua. Hakuna cha kuishi Canada wala nini. Punguza mashambulizi yako vinginevyo tutakunyotoa roho.”

Ingawa sina tabia ya kuogopa vitisho na maneno `mbofu mbofu’, moyoni nilistuka. Kwani, kama wasemavyo Waingereza, my cover was blown out.

Kutaka kuepusha shari, maana mimi kwa `makaratee’ na kung-fu sina mfano, `niliminya’ tu.

Niliwahi kuzipiga na Bruce Lee zama zile na `akaramba’ majani. Yule bwana nilimuonea huruma nikamwambia kuwa alikuwa amenifananisha.

Alisisitiza kuwa mimi ndiye na anamjua hata bibi wa bibi yangu. Aliongeza vitisho kuwa kama nitaendelea, basi anaweza kutoa fedha pale kilabuni ninapokamata `ulabu’ niwekewe sumu.

Mie kwa upole na kujua ambacho kingempata, nilizidi kumwambia kuwa, mimi siye na wala sijawahi kusema ninaishi Canada.

‘Mijitu’ mingine bwana haitaki watu wafaidi `ujiko’. Hivi alitaka niseme ukweli kuwa naishi Kigogo au kwa Mfuga Mbwa, Manzese? Hayo tuyaache.

Leo nimedhamiria kutangaza dini yangu mpya. Nafanya hivyo kutokana na kuona wengine wakifanya hivyo na kufaidi, huku wengine wakiwaumiza wenzao.

Silengi kumfaidi mtu, ingawa kwenye mhadhara na mkesha tutapokea michango kidogo ya kuwezesha jenereta na kuwalipa wahadhiri.

Najua viherehere wataanza kuuliza, “tuwalipe wahadhiri kwani tumewaajiri?” Mbona mnawalipa wale tena wahubiri maafa? Nasi acha tuwale japo kidogo `tugange njaa’ yetu.

Tofauti na wale, sisi tunaohubiri dini hii mpya tumeisomea. Wanaonijua wanajua ni kiasi gani nimesoma hadi nikafika kwenye sehemu chuoni iitwayo ‘No more class for you go and teach others.For you are above all levels of learning on earth.

Kwa lugha rahisi ni kwamba, nilisoma hadi nikafika kwenye ubao ulioandikwa: ‘hakuna darasa linaloweza kukufaa kwa vile una elimu juu ya viwango vyote duniani’.

Naona yule anatikisa kichwa akidhani ninadanganya. Unataka niape kuwa nisemayo ni ukweli? Umenoa. Mimi si mtu wa ‘mjengoni’ au mwanasiasa anayeweza kuapia lolote. Hayo tuyaache.

Naomba nichukue fursa hii kuwapa ithibati ya mihadhara na mikesha yetu. Kwanza, imehalalishwa kwa vile hatushambulii ‘lisirikali’. Pili, tunahubiri bangi ulevi na gongo na si siasa wala uduni.

Hata tukigusia siasa tunazungumzia mazuri tu ya utawala hata kwa kuyaita mabaya mazuri. Ukila na kipofu ‘don’t shika him’ mkono mwanangu.

Tatu, ufalme wa mbinguni uko hapa hapa duniani. Hii ndiyo tofauti na wale wanaohubiri ufalme wa ndotoni ambao wanaotaka kuufikia, lazima wafanye hivyo hata kwa kunyotoana roho.

Sisi hatutoi roho wala hatuna uroho wala roho mtakachafu. Tuna roho mtakakitu--- yaani peace on earth.

Nne, tunachohubiri ni dini mpya ambayo ilisahaulika. Ni dini ambayo ilikuwapo kabla ya kuja kwa ukoloni na unyemelezi.

Ni dini ambayo iliwafanya babu zetu waishi kwa kupendana na kuheshimiana, huku udugu na ujamaa vikitamalaki. Ni dini iliyofanya watu watembee usiku bila kuogopa binadamu, bali wanyama mwitu.

Ni dini iliyozuia watu kujineemesha wao peke yao huku majirani na ndugu zao wakiangamia kwa umaskini.

Ni dini iliyokana utajiri utokanao na uchafu kama vile ufisadi, ushirikina wa kuua zeruzeru, wanyama wetu, miti yetu na rasilimali nyingine. Ni dini inayoabudia utu badala ya vitu kama utajiri na mamlaka.

Ni dini ya kweli hata kama inahubiriwa na walevi na wavuta bangi. Inayoonyesha upendo kwa matendo na si maneno.

Tano, maandiko yetu yanaitwa uhalisia na lugha ya kuhubiria ni kiswahili. Bahati mbaya hayakuandikwa kwenye karatasi bali mioyoni.

Hayahitaji kukariri wala kupigiana kelele.

Sita, hatubadili majina ya mtu isipokuwa kuongeza neno moja tu, mlevi. Pia hatutukani imani za watu wengine. Maana, kufanya hivyo ni kuwachokoza.

Saba, ingawa sikulipia tangazo hili, nalitoa kuwapa watu wote moyo waje kwenye dini yetu mpya. Ninaamini na serikali itatuvumilia kama ilivyowavumilia wanaohubiri shari na mauaji.

Hatuna ugomvi na mavazi ya mtu hasa akina mama. Ukivaa `kimini’ we njoo tu. Hatuna haja ya kuchana nguo ya mtu wala kumwambia anatembea uchi, wakati wasemao hivyo nyoyo zao ziko uchi kuliko yeye.

Hatuangalii kibanzi kwenye jicho la mwenzetu huku tukisahau boriti kwenye macho yetu. Hatuhukumu wala kudanganya. Hatutendi miujiza zaidi ya kukumbusha.

Maana kwetu miujiza ni utapeli wa kawaida. Ni uganga wa kienyeji ambapo mhusika anakuza kuwa anaweza kukutengenezea utajiri wakati yeye ni `kapuku’ huku nao kama vipofu wanauvaa `mkenge’.

Njoo, kwetu uone visivyoonekana na uelewe visivyoeleweka. Pia ifahamike, tunajihubiria bangi na ulevi tu. Hatuhubiri uzinzi wala chuki.

Tunajivutia bangi, mikesha yetu ni ya wote na si watu fulani wenye kutia shaka. Tunapenda sana bangi na gongo kwa vile havifichi unafiki, kama wale wavutao vitu hivi kwa vificho.

Sisi si kama wale wote wanywao kilevi chini ya kivuli cha kiza. Sisi hatunywi kilevi kiitwacho kasumba cha kujiona ni bora kuliko wengine.

Hatuuzi `bwimbwi’ kama wauzaji walioshindikana, wala hatufanyi magendo wala kutorosha wanyama kama wale.

Pia dini yetu haibagui watu kwa rangi wala imani zao. Kwetu walevi wote ni sawa na Mungu wao ni mmoja. Hatuna vigenge wala vishirika vya siri vyenye kulenga kutuneemesha kwa kisingizio cha dini.

Wala hatutoi misaada ya unafiki kwa maskini ambao kimsingi ni matokeo ya hujuma yetu kama wale.

Mwisho, kwenye mihadhara na mikesha yetu tunapiga kelele kidogo na hatuwasumbui watu usiku wala hatukeshi wala kuamshana kwa kelele.

Sisi ni wavuta bangi. Kama nawe ni mvuta bangi na mlevi basi amini niliyoandika hapa. Kama siyo, yadharau.

Blessed be.

Ni mimi Mtakatifu, Nabii, Profwesa, Daktari, Mtukufu, Man and a Half, Nkwazi Mhango, Kwa mfuga Mbwa, Manzese Kanada.

Chanzo: Nipashe Jumamosi Machi 30, 2013.

Majengo mengi Tanzania ni mabomu yanayotika

Japo habari za kuporomoka kwa jengo la ghorofa 15 jijini Dar zinasikitisha, kuna somo. Kwa wafuatiliaji wa mambo na uholela wa uwekezaji nchini ajali hii ilingojewa. Kilichojulikana si ni kama itatokea bali lini itatokea. Nadhani nchi nyingi za kiafrika kwa sasa zimejiingiza kwenye ibada za wawekezaji wengi wakiwa wageni wasio waaminifu.
Niliwahi kuonya kuwa hata daraja la Kigamboni, kama litajengwa 'kitanzania', kuna siku litaua. Tumekuwa watumwa wa pesa kiasi cha kuruhusu kila upuuzi kufanyika matokeo yake yakiwa ni vifo na maafa kwa watu wasiohusika. Ingawa rais aliwahi kwenda kujionea maafa na kutoa mkono wa pole alifaa azomewe hata kutumliwa pale. Maana serikali yake ya hovyo ndilo chimbuko la maafa haya tunayoshuhudia. Wenzetu wenye akili wanazidi kunawirisha miji yao huku sisi tukiwaiga bila kufuata kanuni za mchezo. Bila kupambana na rushwa na uwekezaji wa kipumbavu tutapoteza watu wetu wengi huku viongozi wakijifanya kuwa na uchungu nao wanapokufa wakati ukweli ni kwamba ni wao wanaowachuuza.
Sipendi kuwa mtabiri ila ukweli ni kwamba majengo yanayongoja kuporomoka ni mengi tu.

Ntaganda: Terminator who Terminated Himself

Jean-Bosco Ntaganda P. Courtesy

When cornered, the vulture cries eagle. This is what seems to have transpired to Jean-Bosco Ntaganda, a Congolese renegade and self-made general after finding that his world was becoming narrower.

For long, Ntaganda tried to be smart by keeping the wolf from the door to no avail especially after his former buddy, another self-made general Sultan Makengo, booted him out of control. Ntaganda, also known as the Terminator, had to call the shots and bite the bullet after finding that he was chasing his own tail. One thing we must give accolades for is the fact that he concurred with reality and surrendered to the American Embassy in Kigali.

Ntaganda’s surrender was a shocker of the year for Americans and the whole world given that he was regarded as a strong fighter. Just like former Liberian Charles Taylor who became the first African head of state to be booked, Ntaganda becomes the first indictee to hand himself in after finding that there was no more space to hide. Now that Ntaganda is a welcome and permanent guest at the De Haag Street in The Hague, the world would like to see Laurent Nkunda coming next.

There have been mixed speculations on why Ntaganda handed himself over in Kigali instead of MONUC in Goma. Was he afraid of being handed over to Congolese authorities that would treat him like Saif al Islam Gaddafi in Misurata? Was there any deal among Ntaganda, Rwanda and DRC? This question becomes crucial especially when his predecessor, Laurent Nkunda (The Chairman) is brought in the big picture.

Many analysts would like to know why the ICC was active to collect Ntaganda while it dragged its feet and then kept mum to ask for the handover of Nkunda. Will Ntaganda’s surrender open Nkunda’s case or just push it more into oblivion? Interestingly, when Ntaganda handed himself in willingly, Kigali rushed to make a statement saying it would cooperate to see to it that he is expediently handed over to The Hague.
The mystery surrounding Ntaganda and his safe passage to the US embassy left many baffled. How could such a high profile suspect cross the border and be able to hand himself in without Kigali authorities either arresting him or being aware of his presence? Is there something fishy we need to know? Yeah. When Nkunda crossed the border, we’re told he was ‘arrested’ right away and detained indefinitely. Since then, nothing’s ever been heard regarding bringing him to or doing him justice by charging him. For, it is against all laws local and international to arrest a person and keep him for four years without charging him before the court of law. Who knows? Maybe there is a hidden court of law where Nkunda is. Again, why didn’t Kigali act this way when Nkunda was said to have been arrested?

Does it mean that ICC has already been compromised especially when it comes to DRC as opposed to others? Ntaganda is a welcome guest. Compared to Nkunda, Ntaganda is but a novice. When will Nkunda be booked and accommodated in The Hague? Only time will tell.

Source: The African Executive Magazine March 26, 2013.

Tunapojiandaa kusherehekea pasaka

Mr. Membe, please help me on this scam

Seriously, I was recently admitted at Waliwao hospital where I spent days after a heart attack. I blame all on the Ministry that does strange things of rewarding thieves. During my stint in the Hospital, my worries were that if this goes on unabated chances are even my wife’s going to be stolen by these guys who seem to be above the law. Trust me. They don’t only steal dosh but also good-looking bin-Adam especially skirt wearers.

It came to light that some connected swindlers attempted to rob a begging hunk of a cool three billion schillings pretending that such humongous amount’s spent on one of Presider Jake Kiquette’s unending foreign trips he makes regularly. Do these guys respect Mr. President really? In law, this is a punishable but not pardonable crime. Again, is this their first time we’re robbed using Mr. Kiquette’s monotonous globetrotting? Interestingly, even Mr. President’s office didn't see this disregard to its boss! Who cares if the king’s entitled to spend tax payers’ money as he deems fit? The king and the queens, princes and princesses can spend as they like given that tax payers are there to foot the bill.

Don’t think I’m a faint-hearted creature. Nay! I’m stronger than those you regard stronger for they rip you off. Again, when I remember all rip offs our hunk’s always suffered, my heartbeats fall tremendously. Try to step in my shoes especially at the time I don’t have kanywaji to calm me down. Do you think it is easy to forget and forgive humungous theft such as EPA, Richmond, Meremeta, Mwananchi Gold, IPTL, Songas, Dowans and its Kagadom and many more others? If you can stomach such blows you must be madder or stupider than me. What makes me mad is the fact that corrupt guys and powerful ones augment one another to play their brain games on us. How dare they say that they demoted and reprimanded thieves caught red handed if not pant down?

Interestingly, the source named names of those behind this broad light profligacy. Ambassador Tony Itatiro’s name featured high. News had it that, instead of bringing these guys to book, they’re ‘promoted’ and reminded to be smart next time they plunder. Ask yourself. Had they been vibaka or wezi wa kuku would they be treated generously this way? Who’s fooling who in this law breaking game in the name of enforcing it? Are we evidencing a monkey’s case being presided over by another monkey? Does it mean the bigwigs of the ministry don’t know law? Since when did the ministry of Foreign Affairs become unconstitutional part of judiciary? What will our courts do if this is the practice? Where's PCCB that, for boozers, turned out to be a mega-theft-condoning agent that only deals with petty theft? Shockingly, you’ll see these thieves driving expensive toys and live in mansions. You’ll think they’re smart little knowing are but thieves.

Had I had a chance to see Hon. Ben Membe my question would be: Boy, where do you get the guts to commit such sacrilege? Even birds, however smaller their brains are, won’t attempt, forget about, committing it. For, rewarding thieves motivates others to steal even more knowingly won’t be punished.

Another shocker that made me succumb to heart attack’s when presider Jake Kiquette schmoozed with Tanzania Nursing and Midwifery Council (TNMC). He urged TNMC to bring to book all those alleged to have forged certificates. He said that the culprits must be heavily punished. Well done Jake, however, forgery’s not only done by TNMC alone. How if at all he failed to fire ministers in his backyard accused of the same sin? Who are those that Kiquette wants tried? In case Mr. President has forgotten, ministers alleged to have forged their academic credentials are Bill Lukuvi, Merry Nagu, Makorongo Mahanga, Emmy Nchimbi, Matthew Matthew and Ambassador Diodurus Kamala.

The move to take on forgers by Jake Kiquette reminds of the epic tale between a hare and a hyena. These two beastly friends faced one hurdle during the famine. At this very time the hare told the hyena to kill and eat his mom he’s unable to feed to avoid complaints the mother made. Unreasonable as the hyena was, went on killing its mother while the hare hid its mother. Once the famine was over, the hyena had a shock of its life to find that the hare actually didn't kill and eat its mother. Again, in this horribly corrupt hunk that’s ready to offer his or her mother? Surely, it is better said than done. You can’t hide ministers accused of forgery yet argue others to crucify dagaa in this matter. Importantly, this shouldn't be taken as condoning wrong doing. If we’re seriously sincere as we’d like to be perceived,  we must make sure that we won't leave no stone unturned .

We boozers have one principle: When another boozer tells  you to go home and teach your wife a lesson, you listen keenly and thereafter spit aside to signify how you've ignored his good advice.

Nurses’ forgery does not harm our hunk at the same magnitude like that of high and mighty. The untouchables don’t only forge their certificates but also enter multi-billion contracts with thievish investors. If anything, this is a very good source of our destitution as a hunk so to speak. Refer to a strange way by the Ministry of Affairs to reward thieves instead of suing them. Mr. Membe, please help me on this sacrilege.

Source: Thisday March 26, 2013.

Former president arrested surrender passport and bailed out

Former Zambia President Rupiah Banda was arrested yesterday in connection to oil deal with a Nigeria firm that smells corruption. It was alleged that when he was in power, Banda stole more than ten million dollars. Banda became president after the death of Levy Mwanawasa. By then he was a vice president who under Zambia Constitution had to assume power after the death of president. Since taking power, current president Michael Cobra Banda has been conducting anti-corruption crusade. According to sources from Zambia,after being arrested, Banda was interrogated by police and released after surrendering his passport. Zambia stripped its presidents of blind immunity.
Banda becomes the second former president to be arraigned by authorities after the late Fredrick Chiluba who was charged for corruption.

Kibanda cry not my friend

Today I'm writing to my friend Absalom Kibanda who's recently sacrificed. Yes, he's sacrificed by those supposed to guard and protect him as the constitution stipulates. Indeed, the power that -be can’t escape my condemnation especially after it proved to sleep on the wheel. Do they think we've forgotten their conspiracy? Yes, their conspiracy, especially, when Dr. Steve Ulimboka named names openly. Where're the implicated braggarts hiding themselves behind the corridors of power? We know their names even their faces. They're called big and good names such as Usalama wa Taifa while they actually are criminals. Usalama wa taifa or Uhasama wa Taifa? Shame on them and may they perish!

Kibanda my friend,

This ode's for you. I know you're bedridden in a foreign land. Again, I'm happy to pen an ode in lieu of a dirge. Thank Lord. You're alive however sick and frail. I'm happy that you can read this ode however difficult it might be for you to do so. My sympathy's that cry not my friend.

Kibanda my friend cry not. God's not Nkwazi. I'm sure he'll reward you even by torturing if not punishing those putas who gouged your eye. Do you know what putas are? Simple, they’re buggers or men who are not men enough. If they're men enough they’d not have accepted to be used by other big criminals to harm innocent creatures like you. If they're true and real men they’d not have waylaid you under the blanket of the night. They’d have faced you. Cry not my friend. Instead, pray that sheep wake up and fight hyenas devouring them using their own power.

My friend Kibanda,

Don’t be deceived by crocodile tears and fake sympathy and smiles some perpetrators of this heinous act show you. They're but hyenas in a sheepskin. Trust them not. I f you can abhor them and their fake smiles and pole-sana-bwana-Kibanda litanies deny them entry in your room. All hypocrites have such signs. They always are quick to act. They cry more than those who lost their beloved ones. You'll know them when they come to your hospital bed to wish you well while at heart they wish you shouldn't have seen the light of the day. This is why I'm telling you my friend. Don’t cry. Pray that tables be turned against those killers and torturers who think they’ll deceive us forever. They may for sometimes but not all times. They may for a while but not always. If they can deceive us they can’t do the same to God.

Kibanda my friend,

Cry not for the eye that you lost. Cry for the hunk that's insecure; the one that rewards criminals. Cry for the hunk where impunity and impurity have become the order of the day. Cry for the vision of hunk. Cry for not losing eye in an accident. Cry not my friend. Pray that those behind your predicament get a hundred times of what they caused you. Pray my friend. Pray for your nation. Pray that light shine on us so much so that we can kick the asses of the beasts of the dark. Cry my friend for us not for yourself. Cry for a noble profession human hyenas have turned into a money making stuff like tomatoes. Cry for the integrity of the hunk. Let your tears and sacrifice become the catalyst for changes and justice. Cry that no more journo should be silenced, tortured, mimed, degraded, humiliated, bought or killed. Pray my friend.

Though those who tortured you think are not known, even the birds know them. They are known save that those charged with the duty don't want to bring them to book. You know why? They'll spill beans. They’ll openly say they were hired; killers for hire. They're hellbent hired killers who hide themselves under the dark of the night. Those are SOBs, Coward and dastard of course. Even those who hire and pay them are cowards and bastards that must be punished by the melee of our people. Do they think they're going keep on getting away with it? We boozers have decided enough is enough. We’ll take on them the same way mob justice takes on vibaka. It is time for mibaka like those behind your predicament.

Another nugget of wisdom, don’t ask protection from them. They’ll surely finish you. Trust nobody even those pretending to sympathize with you. Curse and ignore those who swear to see to it that justice's done for you. For them justice's their survival. Their justice's to deprive others justice. Don’t expect justice from bête noix like them. Do you think a pig can produce perfume or odor? You know the answer. Don’t buy a pig in a poke. If you can, please stay there. Come not back. They’ll finish you believe me. Ignore all those calls of justice. If they got you when you're able, what'll happen when you're unable? Think about this my friend. You know me I know you. Heed my wisdom and survive. God enabled to survive this first attack. Don’t wait for the second. Our hunk's become the hunk of criminals, killers and liars. Never listen to their sweet lies. Stay where you're for your survival.

Source: The Guardian Sunday 24, 2013.

Tubinafsishe `geshi’ la ‘polish’ FBI

Juzi tulikunywa ‘gongo’ kwa wasi wasi sana. Si alikuja ‘fyatu’ mmoja akatwambia eti Federal Burea of Intelligence (FBI) walikuwa mtaani wakitafuta wanaoua mashehe, mapadre na walevi.

Si hatukujua kuwa, kumbe alimaanisha walevi wa dini na si gongo! Aliongeza eti walikuwa wamemiminwa ile mbaya!

Tukiwa tunatafakari tukidhani ni utani, si akapita `mtasha’ akifukuzia `vichangu’ pale mtaani.

Bwani we! Muuza gongo alijikuta ameachwa na walevi tena bila kulipa. Kusema ukweli wengi hawakukimbia kumuogopa FBI, bali kulipa `njuluku’. Si unajua waswahili wakipata kisingizio.
Baada ya `zali’ kumalizika, nilianza kutafakari kutoa pendekezo kwa kituo cha uwekezaji na uchukuaji kayani kiitwacho Tanzia Investment Centre.

Sababu ambazo zimenisukuma kutaka `geshi’ la `polish’ libinafsishwe ni kama ifuatavyo:

Kwanza, `geshi’ lenyewe halina `polish’, wala gesi vya kutosha kufanya kazi. Haling’ali tena wala kufaa. Limeishiwa `polish’ na gesi ya kukimbizana na wahalifu wadogo wadogo, huku likiwagwaya wakubwa.

Limeharibika na kuchafuka sina mfano. Ukiondoa wingi wa `mabobish’, `kash kash’ na `mishemishe’ za kusaka kitu kidogo na kitu kikubwa, `geshi’ letu halina hata heshi…. malizia.

Kama lina lolote la maana si jingine bali `ufyosi’ na force. Mara utasikia ‘rire jamaa razima niriaresti.’

Ajabu jamaa `hiro hiro rikirikatia kiu’, sorry, kitu kidogo, linalegea na kuliachia! Hatutaki maneno bali vitendo. Amkeni mpambane na mabaya badala ya kuyashiriki.

Pili, limeshindwa kuwashughulikia `mafwisadi’. Huwa wanawakatia kitu kidogo au woga na kujigonga tu?

Mbona huko nyuma hamkuwa hivyo? Naona yule `ndata’ anasonya na kukamia. Hunipati.

Foka, sonya, hata ujinyotoe roho ili ufe na uroho na roho mbaya vyako hunipati aku! Huo ndiyo ukweli.

Badala wamkamate, wao wawalinda. Kama hawawalindi wamekamata nani? Hebu fikiria akina `kagodamn’ na majambazi wengine wanavyoendelea `kupeta’.

Tungekuwa na `geshi’ la `polish’ lenye akili lingeshindwa angalau kuwanyima raha?

Tatu, limeshindwa kuwanyaka wanaonyotoa roho za mazeruzeru hadi kulazimika kuita FBI. Watu wanaitwa `dili’ wakiuawa huku nao `polish’ wakihangaikia `madili’ kama si kufanya hilo kuwa `dili’ la kuingizia uchache.

Hayo kweli ndiyo maisha bora kwa wote? Hawa wanauawa wengine wanafaidi! Kuna jamaa aliniacha hoi aliposikia kuwa FBI wapo kayani kuchunguza mauaji ya kasisi na shehe kule Zenj.

Aliuliza mbona wanapouawa mazeruzeru tena kwa makumi, hao FBI hawaletwi? Je, akiuawa mheshimiwa au waziri si wataletwa NASA?

Kwa vile juzi rafiki yangu Absally Kibanda alicharangwa mapanga, kung’olewa kucha na kuharibwa jicho, nangoja kusikia kama wataleta hao KGB.
Hakuna sehemu ‘geshi’ limeonyesha umahiri kama kubambikizia watu kesi na kuwamiminia risasi akina Mwangoshi.

Kwenye mchezo wa kutumia bunduki kizembe lol! Hapa mwao japo si wote. Wengi wanashangaa, kwanini huyo `dingi’ wake bado analipwa wakati `geshi’ lake limeishiwa gesi na `polish’ ya kufanya watakavyo walevi!

Kuna jamaa aliniibia siri kuwa jamaa na mkulu wana uhusiano wa kindoa. Don’t quote me please hata kama kuna ukweli.

Sita, kukamatwa kwa baadhi ya `ndata’ wakishirikiana na `majambi wazi’. Litamkamata nani iwapo baadhi ya `majambi wazi’ ni `polishi’ wenyewe?

Litamkamata nani iwapo nalo linapaswa kukamatwa? Litamshitaki nani wakati nalo linapaswa kushitakiwa kwa kuishiwa gesi?
Nakumbuka jinsi walivyoingilia kwenye zoezi la kuzuia wizi mitaa ya Kariakoo wakaishia kuondoka na `uchache’. Bado hapa hatujagusia ule wizi wa mishahara kule Msimbazi `polishi steisheni.’

Kwa vile chini ya dhana ya uwekezaji na ubinafsishaji, kampuni au taasisi inayoleta hasara inapigwa mnada, basi na `geshi’ letu tulipige mnada.

Mwekezaji awe FBI. Hakuna kitu nina usongo nacho kama `viribatumbo’ vya `ndata’. Nataka niwaone watakavyoanza kupwaya baada ya kubinafsishwa.

Nataka niwaone wakilipa nauli kwenye ngwala ngwala wanazopanda `dezo’ utadhani wanafanya kazi dezo.

Laiti `viribatumbo’ vingekuwa vinabinafsishwa, hata kama ni hasara tupu, ningewania lau nami nionekane nimeula na nina `njuluku’, hivyo ni kizito mwenye kuweza kuvutia `totoz’ na `dili’.

Ningenunua `kiribatumbo’ hata kama ni ugonjwa ili niwatishie watu kwa kuwauliza ‘unajua mimi ni nani?’

Wee si nyani tu. Najua walevi wengi wangejibu. Au vipi? Ukisoma hii kitu soma kimya kimya. Maana Bi Mkubwa akiinyaka jua nitaaibika.

Mezea mshirika basi. Siyo utoke hapa uende kunichoma. Nitatoa pendekezo kwa FBI kama itakubali kulinunua iwapeleke `ndata’ wetu Kandahari ili wakawanyotoea roho watalebani vizuri.

Maana wao kwa kupiga watu risasi hawana mfano. Pia wanafaa kwenda kule ili wapate mshiko wa kutosha kutokana na ukweli kuwa watu wengi huko ni matajiri kutokana na kuuza `bwimbwi’.

Badala ya kuhangaika kutukamata sisi wanywa gongo, waende huko wakamalizane. Kama kweli wao ni `walume’, kwanini watunyake sisi `wabwia bwimbwi’ wakati wakila na wauzaji?

Kama mnadhani nazusha, jiulize ni kwanini biashara ya `bwimbwi’ inazidi kushamiri? Kwani hatujui kuwa kuna watu tena pale `eyapoti’ ya International ya Mwalimu Mchonga, wanaopewa chao na kuruhusu `mibwimbwi’ ipite na kuingia kayani ili itumalize na wao watajirike?

Tena nasikia kuna na madingi wakubwa tu nao wanaingiza `mibwimbwi’. Ukiachia mbali `geshi’ la `polish’, napendekeza hata Takokuru iwekezwe kwa Wachina ili wanyonge mafisadi, uhasama wa taifa tuwape warusi.

Tume ya uchakachuaji na uchafuzi uitwao uchaguzi wapewe Wakenya. Hata baadhi ya wakubwa wa `geshi’ wabinafsishwe haraka.
Ingawa juzi Bwana Nchimvi alijitutumua kwa kuwasimamisha kazi baadhi ya `ndata’ wanaoshirikiana na majambazi, kuiba nyara za umma hata kuwatoza kitu kidogo na kikubwa makuruta, ukweli ni kwamba bila kufumua `geshi’ lote au kulibinafsisha mchezo utakuwa ule ule.

Ufwisadi na ujambazi wa kimfumo. You know what. If I were to advise Mr Prezzo, I’d strongly recommend that we jail all of our current dudes and recruit new ones after grilling them.

Loo! Bangi na gongo vikichanganyika hatari. Huwa vinanifanya niongee Kikameruni kama sina akili nzuri.

Hata hivyo acha nijisifu japo kidogo. Mwenzenu nimepiga shule bwana. Naongea `ung’eng’e’ ambao hata `kamuzi’ za dictionary hazina!

Hayo tuyaache. Naona yule anasonya. Kwani kujisifu vibaya? Mbona wakubwa zenu wanajisifu kwa kila upuuzi na hamsonyi wala kuwakamatisha adabu?

Niache nijisifu kwa vile hamtaki kunisifu zaidi ya kunitumia watu waninyotoe roho kwa kuwapa vipande vyenu. Hata mkituua mjue nanyi kuna siku mtakufa tena vifo vibaya.
Chanzo: Nipashe Jumamosi Machi 23, 2013. 

Chinua Achebe dies aged 82

March 21 will go down as a very bad day for authors and literati in Africa and the world at large. For, it is on this very day the doyen of African literature Chinua Achebe passed on. However, many did not meet with Achebe, they know him as if they lived in the same street. Of course, for many of us lived in the same street with Achebe known as academia if not literature. Our street is Things Fall Apart among others. Achebe inspired many in many ways. He was the voice of our African Culture especially at the time nobody had the courage of the mad to do so. He strongly stood against demonizing African culture. He skillfully exposed the rot of imperial culture. Though Achebe lived his academic life, he was bigger than life. He was revered as a grandfather of African Literature. Achebe became a household thanks to his masterpiece 'Things Fall Apart' that was taught in many African schools. It is through this masterpiece I was able to know Achebe the man I respected and revered a lot. Now that he’s gone, I have all reasons to grieve over the loss his untimely departure has done to the academic world. Achebe was not a jewel only for Africa but also the whole world. His hatred towards malpractices is clearly known. His works are a tell-all testimony. Achebe has nary been in bed with a cabal of thieves in power. They tirelessly tried to befriend him but he refused  and stayed put to see to it that he tells them to the right thing--- do away from their evil ways. He turned tainted prizes, honours, and awards. He firmly identified himself with the poor but not the rich. Indeed, Achebe knew what he wanted and what he was. His famous quote is, "Nobody can teach me who I am. You can describe parts of me, but who I am - and what I need - is something I have to find out myself." Indeed, Achebe knew who actually was theoretically and practically. Importantly, he told us who we are in his iconic works. 

 To me, among others, I became a writer and author just because of Achebe's work so to speak. It is sad that nowadays academia is no longer attracting many people as politics and business is today. At our times, we aspired to become the Achebes of tomorrow of our countries if not Africa. Sadly though, after money took over almost everything and in every sphere, the spirit of writing and the pride we took on literature evaporated. Again, though Achebe is gone, the fire is still burning however slowly it might seem.

Now that the curtain has fallen for Achebe, it is time for African writers to make sure that the faggots he lit should not die. This is the only way we can honourably celebrate the life of a giant of a man Chinua Achebe who inspired many not to mention the fame he brought to Africa.

Rest In Peace Chinua Achebe son of Umuofia.

I love China's hanging village of Huaxi

Hapa sijui aliyemwibia mwenzake

Nimekumbuka ngoma bila nguo

Chanzo cha umaskini wetu ni utawala wetu

HiVI karibuni kuliripotiwa habari kuwa msafara wa Naibu Waziri wa Maji, Binilith Mahenge ulipata ajali baada ya gari mojawapo katika msafara ule kumgonga mtoto Adam Ramadhani huko Muheza. Waziri alikuwa wilayani humo kukagua miradi ya maendeleo.

Japo ni kazi ya waziri kukagua miradi ya maendeleo, ukiangalia kwa undani, mazoezi kama haya yanalitia taifa hasara. Si uzushi. Siku hizi karibu kila mwenye kacheo kake ni mkubwa kiasi cha kuhitaji msafara wa magari.

Kwa kiasi fulani tumegeuka nchi ya wapenda sifa na misafara vitu ambavyo vinasababisha matumizi mabaya ya pesa za walipa kodi wetu maskini.

Inashangaza kuona nchi maskini kama zetu zinakuwa na matumizi ya ajabu na kijinga wakati nchi tajiri hazifanyi hivyo.

Nitoe mfano. Katika nchi tajiri, waziri au mbunge hapewi dereva wala mlinzi au wabeba mikoba (wasaidizi).

Anaendesha gari lake mwenyewe na sifa mojawapo katika kugombea ubunge lazima ajue kuendesha.

Hii inalenga kuokoa pesa za walipa kodi.

Inakuwaje tunafuja pesa ya umma, mfano, kwa kutoa walinzi ofisini na nyumbani, madereva, makatibu muhtasi na vikorombwezo vinginevyo vingi wakati bajeti yetu inategemea kuomba?

Hata wabunge na mawaziri wa nchi tajiri, licha ya kuendesha magari yao wenyewe, hawatumii magari ya bei mbaya kama ya wabunge wa nchi maskini kama yetu.

Ukiangalia Tanzania, unashangaa mantiki na busara ya kufuja mali ya umma namna hii.

Mkuu wa wilaya, mkoa, idara, wizara, mbunge na waziri wote wana misafara kila waendeko. Na watembeleapo eneo fulani basi wakubwa wa eneo husika wataacha kazi zao na kushiriki misafara hii ya hasara na ya kizamani.

Wanatumia magari mengi bila sababu huku wakifuja mafuta na kuchafua mazingira na kusababisha umaskini kwa walipa kodi bila sababu.

Kimsingi, nchi yetu inaendeshwa kisiasa badala ya kiuchumi. Wanasiasa wana sauti kuliko wachumi na mambo ya kisiasa yanapewa kipaumbele zaidi yale ya kiuchumi. Namna hii hatuwezi kuendelea.

Ukiachia ugonjwa wa kupenda misafara na sifa, kuna tatizo jingine la wanasiasa kuwatumia wananchi katika mambo yasiyo na tija kwa taifa hata kusababisha kusimamisha uzalishaji.

Mfano, unapowatoa watu maofisini na watoto mashuleni kwenda kumpokea mkubwa unategemea nini kama siyo kusimamisha uzalishaji na kuathiri uchumi?

Unapopoteza muda mwingi kwa kufunga barabara kwa vile wakubwa watapita wakitoka au kwenda uwanja wa ndege unategemea nini?

Ni ajabu kuwa bado tuna utapiamlo na hang over ya kikoloni ambapo akija kutembea kiongozi wa taifa jingine tunapoteza muda mwingi kwenda kumlaki kwa ngoma na makando kando mengine yasiyo na umuhimu. Zama za kuchezeana ngoma na ngojera zilishapita.

Kwa wenzetu, tena wenye nguvu ya kiuchumi, hata akija kiongozi wa nchi nyingine anamalizana na mwenyeji wake bila kupoteza muda na kusababisha hasara kwa uzalishaji na uchumi wa nchi. Ili nieleweke, jirejeshe kwenye mapokezi mengi yanayofanywa na rais wa Marekani kwa viongozi wa mataifa makubwa.

Huwa wanafika uwanja wa ndege na kupokelewa na kikundi kidogo cha watu huku wakikagua gwaride la kikosi kidogo kimoja na mambo yanaishia pale.

Huwezi kuona maelfu ya watu wa Washington eti wakijipanga kando ya barabara kumpokea kiongozi wa taifa jingine.

Hata rais anapokuwa akisafiri au kurejea nyumbani, huwezi kuona baraza lote la mawaziri uwanja wa ndege likienda kumpokea. Kwa lipi iwapo anachofanya ni kazi aliyoomba?

Inashangaza kuona viongozi wetu wanaosifika kusafiri sana hawajifunzi vitu kama hivi.

Badala yake wanaendelea na tabia za kikoloni kama zile zilizokuwa zikionyeshwa na gavana wa kikoloni.

Kwa taarifa yenu, gavana alikuwa akifanya aliyofanya ili kutudhalilisha na kutupotezea muda ili atunyonye vizuri.

Ni bahati mbaya kuwa watawala wetu wanaabudia mambo haya ya kihasara kuliko kubadilika.

Hebu jiulize, mfano, misafara, makongamano na hafla za kujipongeza zinakula kiasi gani kwa mwaka katika bajeti ya taifa?

Je ni fedha kiasi gani inatumika kununulia mafuta ya magari yanayotumika kwenye misafara isiyo na ulazima kama vile kumsindikiza na kumpokea mkubwa uwanja wa ndege?

Kuna haja ya kuiga na kufanya mambo ya maana badala ya kuendelea kuwa maskini tena kwa kujitakia huku tukidhalilika kwa kuombaomba na kukopakopa.

Ajabu, wakati tukifanya hii israfu, tunawashauri watu wetu wafunge mikanda na kuwaaminisha kuwa hali ya uchumi ni mbaya.

Hakuna hali mbaya zaidi ya ubaya wa akili na matumizi yetu kimfumo.

Kuna haja ya kufumua huu mfumo tuliourithi toka kwa wakoloni na kufanya mambo kama taifa na watu walio huru kiakili na kisiasa. Vinginevyo tutaendelea kutawaliwa kwa ujinga wetu.

Huwezi kutumia zaidi ya unavyopata ukawa huru. Huwezi kutumia kama mfalme wakati wewe ni kapuku ukaheshimika hata ukijiridhisha kuwa unaheshimika.

Heshima ya mtu ipo katika uhuru wake si wa kisiasa tu hata wa kiuchumi.

Hili unaweza kuliona wakati marais wa nchi maskini wanapotembelea mataifa makubwa.

Hawapokelewi uwanja wa ndege na wenyeji wao kama wao wanavyowapokea na hata wakiwapokea huwa tofauti na wanavyowapokea. Maisha mazuri ni nipe nikupe. Unakwenda kutembelea nchi tajiri unaingizwa ikulu kupitia mlango wa nyuma. Kwanini mhusika akija kukutembelea ukamtendea hivyo badala ya kujidhalilisha?

Wenzetu wanavyowapokea watawala wetu wanawaonyesha kiwango cha hadhi yao kwao.

Obama akimpokea rais wa Urusi au Ufaransa inakuwa issue kwenye vyombo vya habari nchi nzima. Lazima hafla ya kitaifa ifanyike na kuonyeshwa. Lakini kwa ombaomba wa kiafrika hilo sahau.

Kuna haja ya kuanza kuwaainisha maadui wa maendeleo yetu

Ingawa tumekuwa tukiwalaumu wakoloni na nchi mabeberu, kimsingi chanzo cha umaskini wetu ni mabeberu wetu wenyewe yaani watawala wanaopenda ukubwa, sifa na matanuzi.

Chanzo: Dira Machi, 2013.

Ntaganda surrenders as Nkunda remains at large

News from Kigali Rwanda has it that M23 leader Jean-Bosco Ntaganda surrendered to the US Embassy yesterday. Ntaganda has been running after being indicted by the International Criminal Court (ICC) for committing crimes against humanity and recruiting child soldiers. Ntaganda's surrender opens a new chapter whereby one wanted and notorious warlord has at last called it a day. The major question disturbing many analysts is: When will another wanted renegade general Laurent  Nkunda will follow suit? For more info, PLEASE CLICK HITHER.

Bravo PCCB for gillnetting dagaas!

News that Promoting, and Condoning, sorry, Preventing and Combating, Corruption Bureau (PCCB) smartest official nabbed two teachers in the ‘forest’ of Mbeya soliciting cumshaw from their students yanked the nation. These chalk-dust-eating creatures calling themselves Gitmo used to ask for Tshs. 500 or 1,000. Had they known would end up in PCCB’s Guantanamo, would've chosen another moniker. The guys were asking for kitu kidogo and kitu kikubwa in broad daylight. Maybe, knowing that they’d die of Pneumoconiosis (a disease resulting from inhaling dust) any soon, decided to invent this monkey biz.

Dear PCC B, nabbing a person taking chump change needs courage of the mad. If you had none, you wouldn't have wasted time and money driving all the way from Mbeya town to the ‘forest’ hunting for pawns forced by ridiculous salaries to steal from their own students. Warning: This shouldn't be taken as an excuse. Watafungwa bure! Don’t they know you’re good at nabbing dagaa!

True, another proof that you’re ‘holy’ is that such tiny mshiko can’t produce any kitu kidogo for you. This is why you nab dagaa. Why didn’t you go to the pond to nab sharks? Mnawaonea dagaa. If anything, you remind me how I killed my dog after becoming famous for hunting mice instead of antelopes rabbits and gazelles. Who needs and feeds such a stupid dog?

Now that you’re eyeing schools, go to other institutions and stop ‘underwear kickbacks.’ Do you know who do this? Simple, hyena-like tutors do force or lull miniskirters to give them a forbidden fruit aka urodas as a condition of not failing in their exams. Thereafter, comes, “Digrii za chupi”, literally underwear degrees. Lord! It seems that in this monkey biz, everything is underwear everything--- underwear tutors, underwear girls, underwear elites even underwear politicians. Saying that underwear is everything or everybody shouldn't be taken offensively. What language should I use to address this dystopia of corruption and nihilism? Mtakwisha kwa miwaya!

Again, I abhor derogatory language of using underwear as a gender object. Though underwear is underwear, calling underwear something might seem offensive. But again, if you look at the spirit of the user that underwear degree or anything becomes a factor implying that something was obtained by means of underwear. Well, well! I’ve gotten the rationale! The thing is. When two people involved in underwear tango do their things, all remove underwear. Maybe, just maybe, this is why Swahili called it underwear thing.

Off-the-hook cue: What’d one say, for instance, if one is being treated in a certain way because of gender? The guys of Mjengoni know this too well especially when they’re forced to choose a speaker simply because she’s a woman. Please don’t call this chupi biz. I am cock-sure you won’t. Don’t please. For if you do, your MP will be gagged just like Godbless Lema when he said mzee Mizengwe Pinda is a fiber. Whether he’s, and still is a liar, is nothing I can talk about. Again, how a holy, high and mighty bin-Adam like Pinda can be called a liar by an earthling even if he is? Again, given that Mr. Pinda is a politician, so is Lema, they know one another too well.

By the way, I heard some ruckus and rumps about the road from Uzuri to Kijitonyama that’s blocked by H.E speaker of Mjengo, Ann Se-crocodile Makinda, is still blocked despite the expiry of time city council authorized. Wakubwa wa Kiswahili bwana! Disgusting! How can one soul deny others their rights and still call herself a leader? PCCB, don’t you see this megalomania? Au mnamuogopa?

Back to underwear biz, I’m told that the product of underwear degrees is the major source of having unqualified punks in our offices. So too, it is a good source of miwaya aka HIV. This, plus rampant degree forgers in the hunk, especially in the upper echelons of power, adds more blows to our system so to speak.

If you seriously take on them, our hunk will be corrupt free in the near future. This proves how sharper are your eyes. You've such sharp eyes that you can see such tiny kickbacks. Again, there’s one disadvantage in having such micro-sharper eyes. This is known as high-macro blindness- malady. The person suffering from this disease sees tiny things but can’t bigger ones. This is why you've nary nabbed any sharks in our pregnant pond. With such disability we now know why you’re able to run in school teachers but not political teachers, who, in essence, sire such practices in our hunk. This is why you can’t see the guys who stashed billions in Swiss and other offshore banks.

Hadn't you been suffering from this malady, you’d have nabbed the sharks that Reggie Mengi once complained of. I’m told, the pond, however smaller it is has a lot of sharks fighting one another to survive. Can I add another shark I heard bibbers pointing the finger at? This is Amdurahaman Kinamna. The bibbers said to have water-tight evidence proving he’s illegal exporting our animals and their parts to some far countries in the east.

A little bird told me that the pond’s so many sharks that some are in your ranks. I doubted it. The birdie proved its point averring that if I want to die of heart attack, I should go and see the villas and mansions PCCB officials own. Given that I still need to live, I didn't dare. Is this why Sarah Hermitage called you thugs and you didn't refute?

Source: Thisday 18-24 March, 2013.

Zuma disbands ANC's Youth Wing

After a long power struggle between South African President Jacob Zuma and African National Congress Youth League (ANCYL) president Julius Malema,  at last Zuma has won. To win and win good, Zuma decided to use his newly acquire presidential power to disband ANCYL Nationa Executive Committee.  Many analysts believe that Zuma reached at the decision of disbanding ANCYL Nationa Executive Committee after noticing that many regional  ANCYL leaders are still loyal to his friend-turned nemesis, Malema. To get rid of Malema, Zuma had no way except to show the ANCYL' NEC the door.

Napanga kuanza kuuza mitumba na si maneno

Ingawa mimi si mtumba, napanga kuuza mitumba. Nimechoshwa na jamii ya mitumba. Kila kitu mitumba. Mitumba, mitumba mitupu.
Siasa za mitumba, maisha ya mitumba hata mawazo ya mitumba.
Kama wasomi mitumba, wanaghushi shahada na kuendelea kutoa hujuma badala ya huduma, ni ‘ki-mitumba-mitumba’, mimi nifanyeje?
Silalamiki wala kunung’unika. Nitauza mitumba amini usiamini. Heri niuze mitumba, ijulikane nauza mitumba badala ya kulazimishwa kuishi kama mtumba.
Mie sina mawazo ya mitumba wala elimu mtumba. Hata sera zangu kama nitauza mitumba, si za kimitumba. Ubongo wangu hata kama umejaa ulevi na bangi, si mtumba.
Najua wengi watajiuliza, ni kwanini ninabwabwaja kama vile nimewekewa mashine. Nina jibu. Baada ya Absalom Kibanda kutekwa, kushambuliwa na kung’olewa kucha na meno, napanga kuachana na uandishi wa habari.
Napanga kuanza kuuza nyanya au mitumba. Maana siko tayari kufanyiwa unyama kwa sababu ya taaluma.
Si juzi ‘majambishaji’ mitumba yaliyotumwa na `mafwisadi’ mitumba wenye ulaji, kwenda kumnyotoa roho jamaa.
Ninapoongea, nimetoka kupokea simu kutoka kwa mkewe ambaye amenitonya kuwa nifanye haraka, ima nitoweke au nifanye nijuavyo.
Amenisisitizia sana nihakikishe napotea kabla hawajanipoteza. Hivyo lazima nipotee, lakini niendelee kusikika nakushusha `mandogo’ na nondo ili kulijenga taifa.
Najiuliza, `ndata’ wanafanya kazi gani kama nao si mitumba? Mbona hawalindi uhai wangu jamani? Wanalipwa ‘njuluku’ zetu kwa kazi gani? Je, hao wanaonitawala kama nao si mitumba, wanafanya nini kuhakikisha nalindwa?
Si kuongeza chumvi wala kukufuru, nilitonywa na jamaa yangu wa ‘uhasama wa taifa’, kuwa nitafuatia kutokana na nyodo zangu za kilevi. Alinipa ‘laivu’ kuwa nondo zangu zinawanyima `wakubwa mitumba’ usingizi kutokana na kuwasuta na kuwaacha uchi.
Je, wanadhani nitaacha na kugeuka mtumba kama wao? Nikiacha kuchonga nitakufa. Maana, majaliwa yangu ni kulewa na kuchonga. Wao wanachonga ‘dili’ mimi nachonga maneno.
Ubaya uko wapi hapa hadi kustahili kunyotolewa roho bure? Kwa vile wenye `mamlaka mitumba’ wameamua kutugeuka na kuacha `manyang’au mitumba’ wachache watuue au kutuziba midomo, sibabaiki ng’o wala siach ikuchonga na kuchongoa.
Kwa vile mimi ni mjanja, nimegundua njia ya ‘kuepa’ mikono michafu ya mafisi hawa wanaokula waandishi wa habari. Napanga kuanza kuuza mitumba, huku nikibwabwaja ili niendelee kuwa na uhai na heshima vyangu. Siko tayari kuwa kanjanja au `nepi mtumba’ ya kutumiwa na `wakubwa mitumba’ kuwasafisha na kuisaliti taaluma.
Hivyo, natangaza rasmi kuwa nitaachana na uandishi active. Ila ulevi siachi. Hata nikiandika nitaandika kama muuza mitumba na si mwandishi wa habari.
Kwa vile nimesomea taaluma nyingi, naona nianza kuuza mitumba wakati nikitafakari nitatumia taaluma gani kati ya nyingi nilizo nazo, kuendesha maisha yangu.
Kabla ya kupanga kuanza kuuza mitumba badala ya maneno, nilitaka nibadili jina langu na kuitwa Nkwazi Kikwete, ili wauaji wa waandishi waniogope.
Japo nisingekuwa wa kwanza wala wa mwisho kufanya hivyo, ili kujiokoa na kutesa nilifikiria hivyo. Soma taratibu. Ninapanga kubadili jina langu na kuitwa Nkwazi Kikwete.
Najua nikibadili jina `waovu mitumba’ wataniogopa. Badala ya kutuma watu waninyofoe kucha na kuning’oa meno, wataanza kujipendekeza kwangu, ili nitumia jina la dingi wangu kuwafanikisha `madili’ yao mitumba.
Hapa bila shaka watanikatia kitu kidogo na kikubwa, hadi nami niwe milionea kama si bilionea kama wale wenye majina makubwa.
Nilimtonya Bi Mkubwa juu ya mpango huu. Binti wa watu alichachawa na kuogopa, utadhani nilikuwa napanga kuua mtu! Nilimtoa wasi wasi kuwa jina ni jina tu na hakuna anayeweza kulimilki peke yake.
Jina ni kama barabara. Yeyote anaweza kupita. Mbona kuna watu wanaitwa majina, tena mkubwa na ya maana kama vile Mohamedi, Paulo, Yohana na wengine wengi wanakunywa gongo na kuvuta bangi nami?
Mbona kuna watu wenye majina kamaa Maria, Haddijja na mengine wanafanya uchangu na haiwi `noma’?
Kwa vile mimi ni genius, naamini hata wajina wangu watafurahi kuwa na mtu mwenye ‘bongo’ linalochemka kama mimi.
Watafurahi kuwa na jamaa aliyepiga mabuku lakini akaishia kulewa na kuchonga kwa sababu ya kutawaliwa na sera za mitumba.
Hivyo, siku moja msishangae kukuta jina langu limebadilika hata kwetu. Lazima nibadili historia na kuiandika upya. Kwa mfano, usishangae naongelea home kwetu Bwagamoyo au Msogali kama siyo Lindi kwa mama yangu mzazi.
Nadhani kuna haja ya kubadili hata jina la Bi Mkubwa. Naona nitamwita Mwanaasha kama si Salama hata Salma ili kuendana na ukoo wangu mpya.
Pamoja na hii kuwa matokeo ya kugopa kunyotolewa roho, sababu nyingine ni kutaka kufaidi ujiko mtumba. Nataka nifaidi `ujiko’ wa baba yangu mpya kama wafaidivyo wale wa uzao wake.
Najua. Nikiitwa Nkwazi Kikwete nitakuwa na nafasi yakuwania ulaji na uongozi kwenye chama `twawala’.
Kwanini nisipate cheo kitokanacho na ubora wa ukoo wangu mtumba, ili niwale kama wale wanavyowala wale?
Hakika nikiwa na jina hili nitapata upendeleo mtumba. Nitaweza kupatiwa viwanja vya bure na hata tenda za biashara. Hata washirika wangu wanaonisumbua kwa `kunibomu’ wataanzisha biashara na kuukata simply because wanafahamiana nami.
Mpango wangu umenikumbusha jamaa aliyebadili jina na kujiita Kanjibhai. Alitajirika hivi hivi kwa kukopa kwenye mabenki simply because alikuwa akiitwa Kanji.
Bila `maujanja’ kwenye kaya ya walaji utaliwa. Lazima niwale kabla hawajafikiria kunila. Kwa vile nina ‘bongo’ linalochemka, nitafanikiwa bila kutoa jasho.
Kuna kipindi nilitaka nibadili jina niitwe Riz au Mira, ila niligundua kuwa kuna mwenzangu ambaye alishafanya hivyo. Hivyo, kwa vile umebaki ubin, nitatumia mwanya huu.
Wazungu husema: Kila unachofanya lazima uwe na plan B. kubadili jina naifanya plan B wakati nikijiuzia mitumba.
Nifanye nini iwapo `ndata’ wanasifika kuunda tume baada ya mtu kuumia, badala ya kuchukua hatua za makusudi kuzuia uovu huu tunaotendewa kwa sababu ya taaluma zetu?
Leo sitawananga. Kipo kigongo chao chaja kutaka wabinafsishwe kwa FBY, lau tupate usalama.
Najua wengi wanataona kama bangi na ulabu, vinanisumbua kiasi cha kuacha kazi ya heshima na kujiingiza kwenye kazi ya aibu. Heri nionekane mwoga. Maana kwa mwoga huenda kicheko huku kwa shujaa kikienda kilio.
Japo wengi watashabikia kuona nanyamazishwa na kugeuzwa muuza mitumba, wajue kama wote wanaochonga maneno kama mimi, watafanya maamuzi ya maana kama mimi biashara ya siasa itadoda kama si kufa.
Japo wanasiasa hawapendi kukiri hili, bila waandishi hakuna wanasiasa, hawatapata wa kutangaza biashara zao.
Nawahi mtaa wa Kongo kwenda kuuza mitumba!
Chanzo: Nipashe Jumamosi Machi 16, 2013.

Tusiligeuze taifa kaburi la waandishi

Taifa letu, kwa sasa, ni maarufu dunia kutokana na tabia mbaya. Hakuna ubishi kuwa kwa sasa Tanzania inasomeka sana kwenye vyombo vya habari vya kimataifa kutokana na uchafu wake. Hivi karibuni kulikuwa na umaarufu wenye harufu mbaya utokanao na mauaji ya watu wenye ulemavu wa ngozi.

Baada ya kadhia ya mauaji ya kishenzi, kinyama na kishirikiana na watu wenye ulemavu wa ngozi yanayofanywa na watu wenye imani chafu na tamaa utajiri, wanaofuatia ni waandishi wa habari.

Mwaka jana mwandishi Daudi Mwangosi alipigwa risasi na kuuawa na polisi jambo ambalo lilifanya taifa letu kujulikana kwa tabia hii chafu kwenye vyombo vya kimataifa vya habari na vya kutetea haki za binadamu.

Hata kabla ya vumbi kutua, mwandishi mwingine wa habari Shaban Matutu wa Tanzania Daima alipigwa risasi na polisi akiwa nyumbani kwake. Hadi sasa haijulikani wahusika ambao wanafahamika walichukuliwa hatua gani.

Hivi karibuni mwandishi mwanadamizi Absalom Kibanda, mhariri mtendaji wa New Habari (2006) alitekwa akiwa anashuka nyumbani kwake. Kibanda alipigwa sana, kung’olewa meno na kucha kiasi cha kukimbizwa nchini Afrika Kusini kwa matibabu.

Kwa wanofatilia matukio haya kwa undani, watakubaliana nasi kuwa kinachojibainisha ni dalili za mfumo fisadi na wa kimafia unaoanza kujengeka nchini. Si uvumi, waandishi wa habari wanalengwa na makundi ya watu hata taasisi yanayowaona kama tishio la maslahi yao ya kijinai. Waandishi mahiri wanaofichua uchafu unaotendwa na wakubwa wamekuwa wakaitishiwa maisha na hata kuumizwa na hakuna kinachofanyika. Je namna hii tunalipeleka taifa wapi kama si kuligeuza kaburi la waandishi wa habari? Je nchi na serikali vinaweza kuwapo na kuendesha shughuli zake bila waandishi wa habari?

Nchi zilizoendelea zinajua umuhimu wa waandishi wa habari. Ndiyo maana tasnia ya habari huitwa fourth estate yaani mhimili wa nne wa dola baada ya Utawala, Bunge na Mahakama. Inashangaza kuona watumishi wa mihimili mingine wakilindwa na kuheshimiwa huku waandishi wa habari wakiendelea kuishi kwa wasi wasi. Inasikitisha kuona hata mamlaka zinazojigamba kuwapo kwa ajili yakulinda raia na mali zake hazichukui hatua.

Umefika wakati wa waandishi wa habari kuanza kumsaka mbaya wao na kumfichua bila woga wala ajizi. Inasikitisha kuona waandishi wa habari wakitolewa kafara na manyang’au wanaolihujumu na kuliibia taifa kwa kutumia madaraka waliyopewa na umma.

Ifikie mahali waandish tukatae udhalili na utumwa huu. Japo wanandishi wa habari nchini hawezi kuwa kitu kimoja kutokana na kuzuka aina fulani la waandishi nyemelezi ambao hutumiwa kama nepi na wakubwa kuficha uchafu wao, waandishi makini na safi tushikamane tupamane na mfumo huu zandiki. Tusiendelee kugeuzwa mabunga kwa kuhadaiwa na tume za uongo na ukweli zinazoundwa pale wenzetu wanapouawa au kuumizwa kama iliyotokea kwa Kibanda. Pia tusiridhike na salamu na pole za wakubwa yanapotupata. Salamu si muhimu kama kutafuta suluhu na kujenga mazingira ya uwajibikaji haki na usawa.

Tunafahamu fika kuwa adui mkubwa wa waandishi wa habari ni waandishi wa habari wanaotumia matumbo yao kufikiri badala ya vichwa. Ni waandishi waliojigeuza nepi za wakubwa ambao wako tayari kuficha na kufumbia macho uoza ilmradi wanakatiwa kitu kidogo au kupewa vyeo vya uongo na ukweli kwa wale wanaotumikia taasisi au watu wachafu. Je waandishi wote wa habari tutajiruhusu kusaliti taaluma na maadili yake ili kupewa makombo na kuyafakamia kama wafanyavyo waandishi nyemelezi au makanjanja?

Umefika wakati wa waandishi wa kweli kusimama kidete na kuibana serikali ili ituhakikishie usalama na kufanya kazi bila vitisho wala bughudha sawa na wanajamii wengine.

Ninapoandika makala hii nafahamu waandishi wa habari tena nguli wanaoishi kwa shinikizo na hofu baada ya kupokea vitisho toka kwa mafisadi wanaowaona kama tishio la shughuli zao haramu za kulihujumu na kulizamisha taifa.

Nimewahi kupokea malalamiko toka kwa waandishi Ansbert Ngurumo, Mbaraka Islam, George Maziku na Evarist Chahali ambao wamekuwa wakipokea vitisho na wakati mwingine kuvipuuzia. Kwa lililomfika Kibanda, nawashauri waandishi ambao wamekuwa wakitishiwa maisha wachukue hatua hata kama itabidi kuondoka Tanzania kwa wale walioko huko. Maana inavyoonekana, serikali na taasisi zake hawako tayari kuwahakikishia usalama.

Ingawa magenge yanayoendesha hujuma dhidi ya waandishi yanaweza kushinda kwa kipindi fulani, hayatashinda milele. Je wataua wangapi? Nadhani dawa si kuua waandishi bali kuacha kutenda jinai dhidi ya taifa. Waandishi wengi hasa niliowataja hapo juu wanachukiwa si kwa sababu ya kumuonea wala kumhujumu mtu. Wanachukiwa, ima kwa kukataa kuwekwa mifukoni mwa mafisadi, au kuandika vitu vinavyowaudhi watawala na mafisadi. Tanzania ni nchi yetu kwa sawa. Ni mali yetu sote kuanzia rais hadi msukuma mkokoteni. Hivyo, hakuna mtu mwenye mamlaka wala haki kumtoa roho mwenzie kwa kulinda uchafu wake. Kwangu mimi kinachoendelea ni kichocheo cha kuwa mkali zaidi bila kujali matokeo. Kinachonisaidia tofauti na wengine ni kwamba niko mbali na makundi haya ya kiharamia.

Kwa wale walioko ndani ya nchi, hakikisheni mnapiga kelele na kusikika ingawa kuna gharama ya kufanya hivyo. Tanzania imefanikiwa kuwa na genge la wahalifu lisiloguswa na vyombo vya habari kwa sababu ya kutokuwa na Gutter Press. Magazeti haya fichi husaidia kufichua kashfa zenye kuwa tishio kwa waandishi wa habari kwa vile hayataji majina ya waandishi wala hayana ofisi maalumu na anayeyamilki huwa hajulikani. Kwa waliosoma chuo kikuu cha Dar es salaam watanakumbuka Punch. Mr Punch alikuwa anaogopewa na kila fisadi chuoni kwa kujua kuwa atamfichua na kutoa uoza wake bila ya mtoa taarifa kujulikana. Wenzetu Kenya wanayo Gutter Press ambayo hufichua maovu mengi ambayo magazeti ya kawaida huogopa kuandika kwa sababu za kisheria na kiusalama. Hufikia mahali vyombo vya habari vikapata fununu hata stori kama hizo na kuzirusha kwa Gutter Press ambayo huuzwa kwa bei nafuu kwenye vituo vya mabasi hata baa bila kubughudhiwa. Serikali zinazowajibika na kuchukia uoza huacha Gutter Presses zifanye kazi bila kuziingilia. Sasa ni wakati muafaka kwa Tanzania kuwa na nyenzo hii ili kuendeleza mapambano dhidi ya ufisadi.

Chonde chonde, tusiigeuze Tanzania kaburi la waandishi wa habari. Hawa ni wajumbe tu wasiopaswa kutishwa kudhiriwa wala kuuawa. Wao ni sauti ya wasio na sauti na sauti ya umma isiyopaswa kuchukiwa wala kunyamazishwa.

Chanzo: Dira Machi, 2013.