Forgery’s currently a national calamity especially after the high and mighty made use of it to rob the boozers. The other day I went to the pub to swallow kanywaji. When I arrived there, I was as calm as a toad in the sun. After sipping a few bottles I started feeling the urge to tell boozer who I’m.  They know me however. I was under Cocktail Part Phenomenon.  I started telling them about my stay at Hazard University where I studied Jurisprudence, Criminology and Penology. I boasted and boasted till one boozer asked me to either stop or prove that I did my PhD at this famous university.   
        Like a bullet, I went back home and brought my tools namely my genuine PhDs and the books that accompany them. Everybody’s shocked to note that I was highly educated despite being a boozer.  After knowing who I was boozers attacked me with kanywaji till my wife came to collect me after I was knocked off by kanywaji.    
        Jokes aside, I was reading the New Times of Rwanda; this is the tabloid that was used to abuse Jake Kiquette when he admonished Kagame to talk to rebels. This time it wrote about how Rwandan authorities deal with forgers which impressed me. However, I was pissed off by how the same media dressed our prezzo down.   Today I’m not talking about the spats and salvos we recently evidenced.
        The paper ran a story of one Bebey Ugirase who secured a job with an international NGO thereby illegally raking thousands of francs. Ugirase’s later found guilt and jailed. Additionally, she’s barred from studying at any institution in the country. In a simple parlance, she’s blacklisted after it came to light that she forged a Bachelor degree.  
        As I mused on how Rwanda keeps tabs on forgers, the image of alleged mega forgers came to my mind. I wondered how people could forge PhDs and still be not only in public services but also occupy such high positions such as ministries and whatnot! If such fellas were in Rwanda, obviously, would find themselves behind bars. Again, who’s to blame in this hunk of kujuana na kufadhiliana? 
         Rwanda’s story reminded me of allegations hovering over the heads of bigwigs such as Emmy Nchimbison, Makorongo Mahangason, Marry Nagugirl, Bill Lukuvison, Dodorus Kamalason and many more accused of forging ‘their’ PhDs. Refer to Keinerugaba Mkombozi’s bombshell that they’ve nary repudiated after authoring a book implicating fat forgers water tightly.  When they threatened to sue I thought they meant it. Little had I known? They’re saving face! Again, the damage had already been done save that in this hunk of ufisadi they surely knew nobody can touch their ulaji. They’re still ‘dunding.’ 
        I still can’t believe that his Excellency Jake Kiquette’d give us a knock-on-wood response by appointing such bad cookies while he’s aware of the crime they’re alleged to have committed. In law, this is called abetting someone to commit a crime which carries the same punishment as the one that the person who actually committed a crime receives. Lawyers know this. Under the Penal Code, a woman can’t rape.  For, she’s no tool for penetration. Again, if the same woman (who’s no ‘tool’ to do things) helps a man to commit rape, she’ll be held liable of the same offence as the one who actually raped. Methinks president’s Lawyers need to enlighten him about this theory of abetting.     
        If our authorities weren't compliant and gullible, they’d simple have jailed such alleged bad apples easily. You just ask them to prove that they acquired the degrees they've. It is simple. Those who studied abroad know. Whenever one graduates, the university or whatever institution, conferring a degree or degrees up on him or her, also gives the person a book containing the list of all alumni who graduated the same year. Such a book’s kept as a souvenir that can kick in and help shall forgery allegations surface.   I still have mine. I can even produce convocation processing cards I used. I remember even the isle I sat in during my many graduations. 
        Another way of making a person prove that whatever degrees he or she say has are genuinely obtained is ask him or her, for PhDs, to provide the link of his or her dissertation. For, nobody can obtain this mighty academic tool without a dissertation. Otherwise, the said PhD is an honorarium or fake altogether. Even those who receive honorariums are given alumni’s book.    
        After proving how easier it is to nab forgers, let me turn tables against PCCB aka Promotion and Condoning Corruption Bureau (please don’t mistake this with Takukuru). There’s no way I can blame Takukuru that I know to have specialized in nabbing small fish as it pampers sharks. Given that this is not the issue today, let me keep it for another time. PCCB, what are you waiting for with regards to those bloody mega forgers?   
        High and mighty forgers protected by the highest and mightiest rest assured. The day your outfit will be kicked out of ulaji, mtalia na kusaga meno. You’ll will have your abode Lupango believe ye me. Though we’re at loggerhead with Rwanda, we still can take a leaf from the way t it deals with forgery. A true academic doesn't forge. All those who forged their academic credentials are but buggers who need to be whacked so that it can become a lesson for others.
So long,
Source: Thisday Aug., 26, 2013.