Mlevi amhoji 'Festi Leidi' na `Festi Chaildi'

Baada ya kuhudhuria kuapishwa Rais Ufreedom Kinyatta, hapo mwezi wa nne, nilipata bahati ya mtende kualikwa tena kwenda kunywa chai na `Festi Leidi’ Maggie Uindependence Kinyatta na baadaye `Festi Chaldi’ Jommie.
Nilipomaliza kupata `chai nzito’ na Bi-mkubwa na `kanywaji’ na Bw-mkubwa mwenyewe, nilikaribishwa `msosi’ wa mchana na familia, uliofuatiwa na mahojiano ya kina baina yangu na Bi-mkubwa.
Huyu asiye na majivuno wala nyodo. Msosi wenyewe ulikuwa mzito kweli kweli. Nilipata mokimo, ngerima, kienyeji na githeri na ka- thubu ka-tuo na vyakula vingine vingi vya Kikikuyu.
Bi-mkubwa anajua kupika usiambiwe! Mbali na kujua kupika, Festi Leidi hana majivuno na `mashauzi’ kama wale wa `shilingi mbili’. Anakula `ung’eng’e’ utadhani alizaliwa London!
Nilianza kumchokoza kwa swali kuhusiana na aina mpya ya ulaji ambayo `ma-festi leidiz’ wengi siku hizi hutumia kuwaibia walevi.
Swali lilikuwa juu ya kuanzisha NGO ya ulaji wa `Festi Leidi’. Hakuzungusha wala kupindisha zaidi ya kusema, hana mpango wa kuanzisha Wanawake wa Kenya (WAKE).
Akasema kuwa wengi ambao hata huwezi kuwadhania walimshauri aanzishe NGO kama wake wengine wa marais, akakataa.
Nilipomuuliza ni kwanini alikataa ulaji ambao kwa sasa umegeuka `fasheni’ kwenye karibu ofisi za marais wote wa Kiafrika, akasema kwa mkato kuwa hana shida ya kufanya biashara kwa mgongo wa rais. Aliongeza kuwa kama angependa kufanya biashara au kuanzisha NGO, basi angeifanya au kuianzisha kabla ya mumewe kuingia madarakani.
Aliuliza kuwa kama si biashara inakuwaje mke wa rais aanzishe NGO baada ya mumewe kuingia madarakani?
Swali hili lilikuwa gumu kwangu hasa ikizingatiwa kuwa `Festi Leidi’ hata kwenye `kanywaji’ ketu hakanyagi.
Pia niliona aibu kuendelea na swali hili ili nisiwaumbue wale ma-`Festi Leidz’ wanaonihusu kwenye kaya ya walevi, ambao wamesemwa hata wanajifanya hawana masikio wao na waume zao.
Kwao urais ni ulaji na mali ya ukoo, mashoga na waramba viatu wao. Huenda katiba mpya itaziba mianya hii ya ufisadi wa kimfumo na kichovu.
Kabla ya kumuuliza swali jingine, ilikuwa ni kama alikuwa akisoma akili zangu. Kwani aliendelea kusema kuwa hana mpango wa kudandia safari za mumewe kila aendapo ughaibuni.
Si mshamba wala limbukeni. Yeye si mwasiasa wala hana mpango wa kuwa mwanasiasa. Hakuchaguliwa yeye bali mumewe.
Alisisitiza kuwa atamshauri na kumliwaza rais kwenye masuala ya kifamilia, lakini si kujiingiza kwenye biashara, uzururaji au kugombea vyeo vidogo vidogo kwenye chama cha mumewe.
Nilipomuuliza mbali na kumshauri mumewe na kutojihusisha na mambo ya kisiasa, atafanya nini.
Alijibu kuwa atatumia muda wake mwingi kujiendeleza kielimu ili kwenda na wakati. Akasema kwa kimombo, “power has an end and there is life after presidency. I therefore am intending to pursue more education that’ll help me after my husband’s presidency.”
Akaniambia kuwa ana Masters na sasa atahakikisha anapata PhD ili kutoa somo kwa `Festi Leidz’ vihiyo wasiotaka kujiendeleza na badala yake wakajiingiza kwenye usasi wa ngawira.
Akalaani sana wale wanaoghushi au kuendekeza shahada za kupewa na wale wanaowalinda.
Alisisitiza kuwa pamoja na kwamba si mshauri wa elimu wa mumewe, hatavumilia kuona baraza lake la mawaziri linajazwa `vihiyo’ na watu walioghushi kama kule kwenye kaya ya shamba la bibi ya wasanii na walioghushi na kuchakachua.
Kitu kingine alichonikuna huyu mama ni kwamba, hataruhusu urais wa mumewe umvurugie mpango wake wa maisha.
Nilipombana aseme anachomaanisha kwa urais wa mumewe kumvurugia maisha, akasema kuwa hatapenda kuandamana na misafara kila aendapo. Akasema atafanya hivyo ili kuokoa fedha za walipa kodi maskini wa taifa lake.
Akasisitiza kuwa yeye hana maadui wa kuhitaji misafara na ulinzi na pia yeye si rais. Aliongeza kuwa wake wa wakubwa kuandamana na misafara mirefu licha ya kuwa ufujaji na matumizi mabaya ya fedha za umma, ni aina fulani ya ulimbukeni hata ufisadi.
Akaniuliza, mbona hakuwa na misafara wala maadui kabla ya mumewe kuukwaa sasa yote haya yanatoka wapi, kama siyo ufisadi wa kimawazo.
Kusema ukweli sikupata jibu zaidi ya kuchekacheka na kufurahi jinsi huyu mama anavyoona mbali hasa baada ya kung’oka madarakani.
Nilipouliza kama atakuwa na mpango wa kupigania maendeleo ya akina mama nchini mwake, Maggie alijibu kuwa hiyo kazi ya kuleta maendeleo kwa akina mama ni kazi ya serikali hasa wizara ya wanawake na maendeleo.
Akadai kuwa kama atajiingiza kwenye kisingizio cha kutafuta maendeleo ya akina mama atakuwa anavuruga kanuni za utawala bora.
Akasema wazi kuwa kama kuna wafadhili au mtu yeyote anayetaka kuchangia maendeleo ya akina mama afanye hivyo kwa kuelekeza mchango wake kwenye wizara. Alisisitiza kuwa hakuna wizara ikulu zaidi ya zile zinazotambulika kikatiba.
Pia alilaani mawazo ya upendeleo kwa akina mama akidai kuwa nao ni wananchi wanaopaswa kupambana na kutenzwa sawa na wengine.
Maggie alitoa majibu kama hayo kuhusiana na suala la afya kwa akina mama na watoto.
Akasema kwa ufupi kuwa kama ni afya kuna wizara ya afya. Hivyo hakuna haja ya mtu yeyote kutafuta fedha kwa kisingizio cha afya au maendeleo ya akina mama.
Baada ya kuhojiana na Maggie nilifanya mahojiano na mwanae wa kwanza Jommie. Swali langu la kwanza ilikuwa ni alikuwa akijisikiaje kuwa mtoto wa Rais.
Alijibu bila kusita kuwa urais si mali yake bali ya baba yake. Hivyo, haoni jipya kwenye hali ya baba yake kuwa Rais.
Nilipomtupia swali kuwa mbona watoto wengi wa marais wengine baada ya baba zao kuukwaa ghafla hugeuka marais bandia. Alijibu kuwa hana mpango wa kujifanya Rais bandia.
Akalaani kitendo cha mtu kudandia urais wa baba yake na kujifanya rais wakati ni kupe tu. Akasisitiza kuwa kama angekuwa na mpango wa kuwa mwanasiasa asingetumia jina wala nafasi ya baba yake bali angejitengeneza mwenyewe ili kuepuka kuonekana kama kupe kwenye mgongo wa Rais.
Huu ufafanuzi wake wa kulinganisha wanaotumia madaraka ya baba zao kama kupe ulinikuna sana.
Hana mpango wa kufanya biashara wala siasa kwa mgongo wa baba yake. Unajua babu yangu alikufa mzee akiwa na miaka 16. Hivyo amejitengeneza.
Nami ningependa na nitahakikisha najitengeneza bila kujiegemeza kwenye mgongo wa baba. Madaraka ya baba ni yake. Nisingependa kuhusishwa nayo. Kwangu baba ni baba wala simchukulii kama Rais.
Nilitaka kumuhoji dada yake Nginie nikakatazwa kwa vile anatisha! 
Chanzo: Nipashe Jumamosi 31, 2013.

Vasco da Gama yuko Austria kula mikuku wakati sisi tunasota!

Usanii, Mihadarati na madini first

Baada ya washindani wake kuja na usanii uitwao “Kilimo Kwanza” Kijiwe nacho kimekuja na sera yake ya kuukata na kuwakomboa wachovu. Waijua sera yenyewe? Simpo, inaitwa Usanii, Mihadarati na Madini first. Kwa vile nao kwenye kijiwe chao cha Idodomya wanatumia Kiswanglish tena uchwara, kuna tatizo gani nasi kutumia kiswangilish tena grammatical?

Basi, baada ya wanakijiwe kusukuti jinsi ya kupambana na ukapa, ukwete na ukata, wamekuja na uvumbuzi mpya. Hebu fuatilia mjadala kwenye bunge letu pale Kijiweni mitaa ya Msimbazi Shule ya Uhuru.

Mgosi Machungi, kama kawaida yake, amewahi kijiweni. hii ni kutokana na bi mkubwa wake Nengoma kumkoromea jana baada ya kurudi nyumbani bila kitu mfukoni.

Akiwa ameudhika anaanza, “Wazee nina mpango wa kujikomboa kimaisha. Maana jana hatikulala.”

Kapende anauliza, “Sasa kutolala kwenu kunahusianaje na kujikomboa?”

“Kumbe hujui!” Anasema Mgosi Machungi kwa mshangao.

“Kumbe sasa nijuaje unataka niote siyo?” Kapenda anajibu.

Mgosi anaendelea, “Jana hatikulala kutokana bi mkubwa kuchukia nilipoejea nyumbani bila njuuku mfukoni.”

“Hilo mbona jambo la kawaida mgosi,” Anajibu Mzee Maneno anayeendelea, “Mie nshazoea kutukanwa na bi mkubwa kuwa ni mwanamume suruali kutokana na uchovu.”

Kicheko!

Msomi Mkatatamaa ambaye alikuwa akisikiliza huku akisoma gazeti anaamua kuchangia, “Japo mmeeleza matatizo yenu kwa lugha ya mitaani, mna hoja. Kimsingi, kinachowagomba ni ugumu wa maisha wakati muliahidiwa maisha bora kwa wote.”

Mipawa hangoji Msomi apanue hoja yake, “Ngosha, maisha bola kwa wote au maisha bola kwa wao?”

Msomi anajibu, “Umesema vyema Ngosha. tunachopaswa kuuliza ni yako wapi maisha bora na kwanini maisha bora yamekuwa ya wachache tena wahalifu kama vile mafisadi, wauza unga, watoroshaji madini na mitaji na wanasiasa uchwara?”

Mgosi hangoji, “Ndiyo maana timesema lazima tijikomboe. kama wao wanauza mihadaati na kutoosha madini na wengine kujifanya wasanii ili watooshe mihadaati kwanini nasi tisibadii sera yetu?”

“Japo hili laweza kuchukuliwa kama utani, lina ukweli ndani yake hata kama ni baya. Maana ukiona watu wanavyoibuka kupitia siasa, usanii na biashara zisizojulikana na kuukata unashawishika. Mgosi hapa umeona mbali japo si jibu kwa matatizo yetu kama kaya hata wanakijiwe.” Anasema Msomi.

Mpemba ambaye alikuwa kimya muda mrefu akivuta tasbihi yake anaamua kukatua mic, “Yakhe sie twafa kwa ukapa wenzetu waula. wajua kuwa siku hizi usanii ni njia rahisi ya utajiri? Waona wakisafiri nje kumbe wenda fanya mambo!”

“Kwaweza kuwa na ukweli kwenye madai yako Ami. Maana mie sijaelewa hawa wasanii na wahuribiri wa dini walioibuka jana kuwa mabilionea kama jamaa zangu wa viwanja vya ndege na mipakani. Lazima kuna namna wanafanya hasa kuhusiana na mihadarati na utoroshaji wa madini.” Anasema Kapende.

Msomi anakubaliana naye, “Hamkusikia yule afisa wa uwanja wa ndege wa Mwisho wa Reli alivyokamatwa akitorosha madini ya mamilioni? Je amefanya hivyo mara ngapi? Je wapo wangapi? Hapa bado hujaongelea mihadarati iliyonaswa kwa mzee Madiba kwa tani. Inaonekana jamaa wametuibia kweli.”

“Ajabu baadhi ya wapuuzi na matapeli wa kisiasa eti wanakuja na kilimo kwanza wakati mambo ni ufisadi, mihadarati, uhubiri, usanii na jinai nyingine.” Mzee Kidevu anaamua kuronga la moyoni.

Mgosi Machungi kuona hoja yake inapata mashiko anazidi kulikoleza, “Wagosi sasa tiamke toka kwenye usingizi wa pono. Kama Kijiwe tianzishe sera ya kuwa wasanii na baadhi yetu kama msomi waombe kazi uwanja wa ndege ili tipitishe kago zetu au siyo?”

Mbwa Mwitu anasema, “Mie nitakuwa mshika mkoba ambaye nitakwenda uwanja wa ndege kuwahonga jamaa ili Mipawa na Kapende wapitishe kago.” Anasema huku akiwaangalia Kapende na Mipawa ambao hata hivyo hawajali sana.

Mara Kanji anaingia. Anasalimia na kukaa na kuomba awekewe kahawa. Anamtania muuza kahawa, “Veve kwanini nashanga mimi? Tia gahawa veve siyo shanga mimi kama shangaa shangaa nenda feri.”

Muuza kahawa aitwaye Shem hajibu.  Anamwekea kahawa huku akitabasamu.

Mbwa Mwitu anamuuliza Kanji, “Kanji hebu tupe siri ya mafanikio yenu.”

Kanji anajibu, “Fanikio yangu husu nini veve? Nenda fanya kazi fanikiwa veve.”

Mpemba anachomekea, “Wallahi Kanji haya matusi. Wadhani tusiofanikiwa hatufanyi kazi au twafanya kazi isiyo na faida ya kunyonywa na kulipa kodi ili wezi wakubwa watanue na wake zao?”

Kanji anajibu, “Kwanini tusi veve. Mi sema kweli tu hapana chukia mimi.”

Msomi kuona mambo hayaende kama alivyotarajia anaamua kuingilia kati, “Ni kweli Kanji usemayo. Wakati wanasiasa wakihubiri wachovu kilimo kwanza, hawaji kwenu kwa vile wanajua hamuwezi kulima kama vile mko India.  Kanji wambie siri ya mafanikio yenu ni kufanya biashara.”

Kanji anatikisa kichwa kukubaliana.

Machungi anasema, “Msomi tiambiane ukwei. si kila biashaa inalipa.”

Anamgeukia Kanji na kusema, “Kanji wajua biashara ya unga?”

Kanji anatoa macho na kujibu, “Mimi hapana uza unga. Kila siku sema mimi si halifu.”

“Kaka hutaniwi! Namaanisha unga wa mahindi shehe. Hata ukiuza bwimbwi si rais ameamua kuwanyamazia wauza wasi wasi wako nini Kanji ndugu yangu?” Kanji anajibu akitabasamu, “Kama hiyo naweza uza lakini ile unga nusa hapana uza.”

Msomi anaingilia, “Unadhani atakwambia ukweli? huoni kila muuza unga anapobanwa anakana kana kwamba hauzi unga. Mimi nadhani kama alivyopendekeza mgosi, lazima kijiwe hiki kibadili sera. Badala ya kilimo kwanza tuanzishe Usanii, Uhubiri, mihadarati na madini kwanza. Maana wenzetu wanamiliki vyote. Ufisadi wao, usanii wao, kutorosha madini wao, kuuza miunga wao. Sisi tutakuwa wageni wa nani jamani?”

Kanji hakubaliani na hili. Anapayuka, “Kama somi yote nafikiri kama veve basi somi yote bure.”

Msomi hamkawizi, “Wasomi tena wa kughushi wanaowapa nyie tenda ya kutuibia si hovyo? Acha unafiki. Wasomi mliowakabidhi kaya ni hovyo kuliko mimi ninayewaza tu wakati wao wakitenda. Kwa taarifa yako sina mpango wa kujiingiza kwenye jinai yoyote zaidi ya kuhakikisha uchaguzi ujao tunawapiga chini.”

Kijiwe kikiwa kinaacha kuchangamka si kunguru alimnyea Msomi!

Chanzo : Tanzania Daima, 28, 2013.

Kipanya na dege la rais linapogeuzwa gari la mkaa!

Kwa habari zaidi BONYEZA HAPA.

Is Africa Becoming Moribund Academically?

We last month evidence a scandal in Kenya where it came to light that many graduate students were buying papers or hiring other people to do their papers for them. This anomaly was unearthed by employers who found that what was in papers could not be at par with how the so-called grads performed. Long before, there was unearthed another humongous scandal in neighboring Tanzania where over five ministers were accused of forging their PhDs and other degrees. Again, when such lot came to agora, Tanzania president Jakaya Kikwete did not fire those accused ministers. To add salt to injuries, Kikwete appoint one of them Deodorus Kamala Tanzania ambassador to European Countries.  Other forgers Emanuel Nchimbi and William Lukuvi were appointed ministers while others such as Mary Nagu and Makongoro Mahanga were retained even after cabinet reshuffle thereafter. This shows how Kikwete is pointlessly always at home with forgers. Nigeria has nary escaped this malady.  It is just last year when it came to light that some representatives had forged certificates. Recent news that over 25, 000 students Liberia failed their College Entrance Examination is surreal and spooky altogether. If anything, four examples above are but a typical replica of what is currently going on in Africa. Isn't African becoming moribund academically? For more info CLICK HERE.

Mwenye jibu la swali hili atupe

I totally concur with Rwanda

        Forgery’s currently a national calamity especially after the high and mighty made use of it to rob the boozers. The other day I went to the pub to swallow kanywaji. When I arrived there, I was as calm as a toad in the sun. After sipping a few bottles I started feeling the urge to tell boozer who I’m.  They know me however. I was under Cocktail Part Phenomenon.  I started telling them about my stay at Hazard University where I studied Jurisprudence, Criminology and Penology. I boasted and boasted till one boozer asked me to either stop or prove that I did my PhD at this famous university.   

        Like a bullet, I went back home and brought my tools namely my genuine PhDs and the books that accompany them. Everybody’s shocked to note that I was highly educated despite being a boozer.  After knowing who I was boozers attacked me with kanywaji till my wife came to collect me after I was knocked off by kanywaji.    

        Jokes aside, I was reading the New Times of Rwanda; this is the tabloid that was used to abuse Jake Kiquette when he admonished Kagame to talk to rebels. This time it wrote about how Rwandan authorities deal with forgers which impressed me. However, I was pissed off by how the same media dressed our prezzo down.   Today I’m not talking about the spats and salvos we recently evidenced.

        The paper ran a story of one Bebey Ugirase who secured a job with an international NGO thereby illegally raking thousands of francs. Ugirase’s later found guilt and jailed. Additionally, she’s barred from studying at any institution in the country. In a simple parlance, she’s blacklisted after it came to light that she forged a Bachelor degree.  

        As I mused on how Rwanda keeps tabs on forgers, the image of alleged mega forgers came to my mind. I wondered how people could forge PhDs and still be not only in public services but also occupy such high positions such as ministries and whatnot! If such fellas were in Rwanda, obviously, would find themselves behind bars. Again, who’s to blame in this hunk of kujuana na kufadhiliana? 

         Rwanda’s story reminded me of allegations hovering over the heads of bigwigs such as Emmy Nchimbison, Makorongo Mahangason, Marry Nagugirl, Bill Lukuvison, Dodorus Kamalason and many more accused of forging ‘their’ PhDs. Refer to Keinerugaba Mkombozi’s bombshell that they’ve nary repudiated after authoring a book implicating fat forgers water tightly.  When they threatened to sue I thought they meant it. Little had I known? They’re saving face! Again, the damage had already been done save that in this hunk of ufisadi they surely knew nobody can touch their ulaji. They’re still ‘dunding.’ 

        I still can’t believe that his Excellency Jake Kiquette’d give us a knock-on-wood response by appointing such bad cookies while he’s aware of the crime they’re alleged to have committed. In law, this is called abetting someone to commit a crime which carries the same punishment as the one that the person who actually committed a crime receives. Lawyers know this. Under the Penal Code, a woman can’t rape.  For, she’s no tool for penetration. Again, if the same woman (who’s no ‘tool’ to do things) helps a man to commit rape, she’ll be held liable of the same offence as the one who actually raped. Methinks president’s Lawyers need to enlighten him about this theory of abetting.     

        If our authorities weren't compliant and gullible, they’d simple have jailed such alleged bad apples easily. You just ask them to prove that they acquired the degrees they've. It is simple. Those who studied abroad know. Whenever one graduates, the university or whatever institution, conferring a degree or degrees up on him or her, also gives the person a book containing the list of all alumni who graduated the same year. Such a book’s kept as a souvenir that can kick in and help shall forgery allegations surface.   I still have mine. I can even produce convocation processing cards I used. I remember even the isle I sat in during my many graduations. 

        Another way of making a person prove that whatever degrees he or she say has are genuinely obtained is ask him or her, for PhDs, to provide the link of his or her dissertation. For, nobody can obtain this mighty academic tool without a dissertation. Otherwise, the said PhD is an honorarium or fake altogether. Even those who receive honorariums are given alumni’s book.    

        After proving how easier it is to nab forgers, let me turn tables against PCCB aka Promotion and Condoning Corruption Bureau (please don’t mistake this with Takukuru). There’s no way I can blame Takukuru that I know to have specialized in nabbing small fish as it pampers sharks. Given that this is not the issue today, let me keep it for another time. PCCB, what are you waiting for with regards to those bloody mega forgers?   

        High and mighty forgers protected by the highest and mightiest rest assured. The day your outfit will be kicked out of ulaji, mtalia na kusaga meno. You’ll will have your abode Lupango believe ye me. Though we’re at loggerhead with Rwanda, we still can take a leaf from the way t it deals with forgery. A true academic doesn't forge. All those who forged their academic credentials are but buggers who need to be whacked so that it can become a lesson for others.

So long,

Source: Thisday Aug., 26, 2013.

Kijiwe chajadili kashfa za Ruanda

BAADA ya kijiwe kuipata kuwa kuna kipande cha kaya karibu na kaya yetu kina mpango wa kuivamia au kuichezea kaya yetu, tumekutana kutoa shinikizo na ushauri wa haraka. Tunafanya hivi kushauri yeyote anayeota ndoto za mchana kuwa anaweza kutugeuza DRC nyingine akome na kukomaa. Japo kaya yetu imegeuka ya hovyo kutokana na uongozi mbovu na kutamalaki kwa ufisadi na ubabaishaji, kama wazalendo wa kaya hii, kijiwe kimeamua kutoa tamko kali kuwalaani wote wanaodhani we are there to be taken for a ride. Try whatever megalomania you surely will regret hugely. Hakuna kitu kiliwachukiza wanakijiwe kama tabia ya kijikaya hiki maskini kulhali kutumia uongo na upuuzi kutuchafuria kaya. Hata kama kaya yetu ishachafuliwa na mihadarati, usanii na ubabaishaji, hii haimhusu yeyote nje ya mipaka ya kaya yetu. Mara Mbwa Mwitu analianzisha baada ya kugundua kuwa wanakijiwe wote wana ndita usoni kama ishara ya kutoa taarifa kwa wabaya wa kaya yetu kuwa they mean business. Anasema: “Wazee mmeipata mpya ya kufungia mwaka?” Mipawa anajibu, “Ngosha, mpya gani hiyo nawe?” Mbwa Mwitu anajibu, “Kumbe husomi vyombo vya udaku siyo! Hukusikia eti Ruanda inadai kuwa bi mkubwa Salama Shari Njaa Kaya ni Mhutu?” “Kwani akiwa Mhutu kuna ubaya gani? Hata wangesema ni Mmakonde it is okay for me. Lililo baya ni vitisho vya kitoto vinavyotolewa na hiki kipande cha ardhi eti kuna siku wataishikisha kaya yetu adabu wakati wao wenyewe hawana adabu zaidi ya adhabu ya kunyotoana roho wao kwa wao,” Alijibu Msomi Mkatatamaa. Kabla ya kuendelea, Kapende anachomekea: “Usishangae kesho ukasikia wakisema kuwa na mumewe ni Mhutu kama siyo Al Shabaab kama Kinamna anayemaliza ndovu wetu na bado wanampa ukuu.” Anaendelea: “Kinachomponza jamaa yetu ni tabia yake ya kusema bila kufikiri mbali na huruma ya kijinga. Si ni yeye aliyelainisha kaya nyingine za Afrika Mashariki kuwapokea hawa wauaji na wapuuzi kwenye jumuia yao mfu ambayo nayo imekufa hata kabla ya kutungwa mimba.” Mgosi Machungi hajivungi. Anakatua mic: “Tinapaswa tijilaumu kwa kuendekeza hivi vijipande vya aidhi. Tilimtengeneza M7 naye akamtengeneza Ka-Game sasa kanataka kutileta game la vita wakati ni mchovu asiyeweza kutufanya kitu. Wathubutu waone cha moto.” Msomi anaamua kukamua tena: “Kimsingi hapa wa kulaumu ni watuwala wetu wanaoendekeza ubinafsi. Hata hivyo, hakuna cha vita wala nini zaidi ya vita ya maneno machafu na ya kipuuzi. Wapigane wakati wanaishi kwa kuombaomba kwa wafadhili?” Mpemba haridhishwi na jibu la Msomi. Anakwanyua mic: “Yakhe usifanye nchezo na hawa mabeberu wanaopenda kutumia watawala wetu ili kupata madini yetu. Mie nkikumbuka Congo wanavyoghasiwa naona waweza kutufanyia kitu mbaya tusipoanka.” “Una maanisha nini kusema kutufanya kitu mbaya? Sisi tutamfanyia kitu mbaya kama tulivyomfanyia mwenzie Idd Amin. Hivi kweli hata kama ni kuwa wachovu tokana na ufisadi kweli tunaweza kupigwa na kipande cha ardhi kisicholingana na hata Mkoa wa Tabora? This is but too much so to speak openly, clearly and whole heatedly na madudu mengine mengi magumu,” Msomi anajibu. Mzee Ndevu anaingilia: “Japo si mpenzi wa Njaa Kaya, kwa msimamo wake dhidi ya vipande vya nchi amenikuna. Angeonyesha jeuri hii hata kwa mafisadi na wauza unga nadhani angeweza kuheshimiwa na kuaminiwa sina mfano.” “Mzee umevuka mipaka. Mambo ya ufisi ahadi na mihadarati ni untouchable. Kama hujui sasa jua. Wao wanaangalia masilahi binafsi. Unadhani asingetukanwa angeweza kuchukua hatua kama vile kuwatimua wahamiaji haramu? Hebu angalia alivyowanyamazia wahamiaji haramu waliojazana mijini toka Asia. Hadi atukanwe ndipo awajibike?” Kapende anaongeza. Mgosi anaamua kupigilia tena msumari wa moto: “Tikubaliane. Jamaa ni bingwa wa kulipiza visasi hana lolote. Kama angekuwa ni mtu mwenye kujali masilahi ya kaya nadhani hichi kiinchi kidogo si tishio kama ufisadi na rushwa hata mihadaaati.” Mbwa Mwitu anachokoza Mgosi: “We acha rongo rongo. Muulize Kanji kama kweli wahamiaji haramu wameshughulikiwa.” Anaongea huku akimtazama Kanji ambaye anaonekana kuudhika. Anajibu: “Mimi si hamiaji haramu. mimi nazaliwa pale taa ya Sutu (Kisutu). Hata kama iko Hindi nahamia haramu nakuja pata riziki kwa njia ya panya mi zaliwa hapa hapa bwana.” Mzee Maneno anaamua kukamua mic: “Nasikia kuna wenye vyeo vikubwa kwenye lisirikali.” Mipawa anajibu: “Hukusikiaga yule meya aliyesababishaga wenzake watimuliwe kwenye chata la mafisi na mafisadi? Mbona tuliambiwa alikuwaga mrwanda au kwa vile amejirekebisha na kutubia. Hivo, dhambi zake kusamehewa na kuwa raia?” Mbwa Mwitu anamchokoza Kanji: “Hebu Kanji saidia mimi. Je, kuna mbunge Mswahili huko kwenu India?” Msomi anaamua kujibu hata kabla ya Kanji kujibu: “Mbunge Mswahili India! Mbona kuna Waswahili waitwao Jarawa wanatumiwa kama wanyama na magabacholi kuwafanyia utalii kwenye kisiwa cha Andaman? Achana na mbunge. Sina hakika hata kama kuna genge la nazi la Mswahili India. Jamaa walivyo wabaguzi Mswahili hawezi kuwa na hata choo kule.” Kanji kuona mambo yanazidi kumwia magumu anaamua kujikata kisilesi kwa kuja na sanaa kama za Njaa Kaya. Anasema: “Mimi iko wahi peleka toto jamati. Acha wahi yeye. Onana siku ingine ee?” Mipawa hamkawizi: “Nendaga jamatini mpangage jinsi ya kuhonga mafisadi wetu. Kuna sehemu yenye ubaguzi kama jamatini? Yaani hata dini ni kikabila?” Anaondoka huku akisema: “Sisi si baguzi.” Mipawa hamkawizi: “Kesho kutwa njoo tupange wewe kumuozesha kijana wangu Masunga binti yako Shiofta.” Tanzania Daima Agosti 25, 2013.

Mlevi aanzisha Madudu Prize (MP)

Baada ya kugundua kuwa watendaji wengi wa lisirikali wanafanya madudu, mlevi amebuni mbinu nyingine mpya ya kuwapa moyo katika ufanisi wao wa kufanya madudu.  Kwa haraka haraka, naona bongo langu linaniambia kuwa mawaziri kama  Dk Harris  Mwakiembe, Porofwesa Anna Kajuamlo Tiba Ijuka, J4 Kawa-dog, Hawa wana Ghasia, Mizengwe Pinder, Makorongo Mahanga, Bill Lukuvy, Marry Nyagu, Emmy Nchimbvi na hata mkuu Njaa Kaya wanaweza kuwa washindi wa kwanza kabisa kunyakua tuzo hii.

Atakayeteuliwa kupokea Tuzo ya Madudu au Madudu Prize atakuwa akizomewa mara elfu moja ili ajirekebishe. Sambamba naye, hata yule anayepaswa kumtimua anayeendelea kumkingia fua naye atazomewa mara elfu mbili. Hebu mzomeeni kidogo.

Kwa vile mtandao wa wale wanaopaswa kupiga kura haujakaa sawa, watajwa hapo juu wanataarifiwa rasmi kuwa wameingia kwenye orodha ya wale wanaogombea kinyang’anyiro cha Madudu Prize ambayo itatolewa kila wiki. Tofauti na tuzo nyingine zinazolenga kuwapumbaza walevi, Madudu Prize inalenga kuwaamsha wapambane na wanyamawatu wanaowanyonya damu zao kwa kuwapa huduma mbovu kama vile elimu, simu, maji, umeme na mengine mengi. Hebu fikiria, kwa mfano, jinai aliyotenda J4 Kawa-dog ya kufelisha vitegemezi vyetu lakini akaendelea kupeta kwa vile anatoka sehemu moja na Njaa Kaya. Hebu fikiri urongo wa Ana Tiba Ijuka kututangazia kuwa angebomoa ule mjengo wa Ugabacholini na akashindwa. Kama Ana angekuwa na udhu basi angeamua kuachia ngazi au kuuambia umma wa walevi ni kwanini amri yake ya kuangusha ule mjengo imegonga ukuta. Je ule mjengo au wenye kuumilki nao ni lisirikali ndani ya lisirikali? Tuambieni tujue tuache kuwaghasi kama yule jamaa wa Hawa wana Ghasia anavyofanya ghasia.

Hivi itakuwa kosa kumpa tuzo rafiki yangu Jan Makamba ambaye hivi karibuni alipayuka hadi watu wakaanza kusema anapaswa aende Mirembe kupima akili zake mbovu? Kijamaa hiki ambacho kilipata ulaji kutokana na ukoo wake kuwa wa walaji kilisema eti kwenye upingaji hakuna sura ya urais wala uwaziri. Du! Hichi kijamaa hakina adabu heshima wala tabia. yaani hata mimi haoni nina sura nzuri kama ya rais na sura kama ya watoto wa wateule ingawa si mtoto wa mteule kama yeye? Hiki kijamaa kilisomea nini kiasi cha kuishiwa kiasi hiki na kuahidiwa tuzo ya Madudu? Kijana shukuru ufisadi wa kimfumo ambapo vigogo wanarithisha ulaji kwa watoto wao kama alivyofanya baba yako. Je wale wasio na baba vibopa wakatawale nyuni?

Wengine ninaopanga kuwapa Madudu Prize ni waishiwa watokanao na upendeleo au msukule kama watani wao wanavyowaita. Nadhani sihitaji kusema mengi kutokana na ukweli kuwa mzee Sam Sixx amewashukia vilivyo just  a few weeks a ago though he repudiated his allegations. Huyu mzee wa viwango anawajua vizuri kwa vile alikuwa bosi wao na isitoshe mkewe ni mmoja wao. So waishiwa wa dezo na zigo kwa kodi za walevi kaeni mkao wa kuliwa. Mmezoea kula wenzenu kupitia kodi zao. Sasa zamu yenu kuliwa. Au siyo?

Nilitaka kuwasahau maswahiba zangu ndata. Nyie mnaboa sina mfano. Tazama mnavyoanza kuwapa wahalifu ujiko. Kwanini juzi mlikwenda kumkamata mhuni aitwaye shehe Pondwa kiasi cha kufanya aonekane shujaa wakati hana lolote?  No Al Qaeda in my kaya Mr Pondwa. Acha ndata wakuponde ingawa nao hawana maana. Kama ni ushehe nami ni shehe tena wa kutegemewa na si shehena la chuki na mafarakano. Hivi inakuwaje mtu anaongea uongo kufikia malengo yake? Hakuna kitu kiliniacha hoi kama jamaa kudai eti lisirikali liliingia mkataba uitwao Memorandum of Understanding. Hakuna kitu kama hiki kisheria. Tatizo ni kutojua kikameruni. MoU ni makubaliano ya awali ya kuingia mkataba ila si mkataba. Sijui hawa wanaosikiliza upuuzi nao kwanini hawataki hata kujiendeleza? Someni muache kujitia aibu bila sababu kabla sijawapa Madudu Prize.

 DPP wamjua? Ni Director of Public Provocation aliyesema eti atamshitaki daktari Ulimbokie eti kwa kujiruhusu kuteswa na ndata. Je mwamjua kwa jina? Aitwa Eliyeza Fenesi. Na kweli jamaa fenesi.  Maana anavyofikiri na kutenda kama fenesi. Nasikia naye eti ni daktari. Kweli udaktari siku hizi si mali kitu. Au ni ule wa kughushi kama wa akina Nchimbis and Mahangas and Nagus and Nchimbiz and Kamalas?  Natamani naye huyu mshenz ateswe na mola wake kwa kufuru zake.

 

Bila shaka itakuwa si haki kumnyima tuzo ya Madudu mzee wangu na swahiba yangu Joni Tenda aliyepokea tenda ya kuvitenda wapingaji. Bwana Tenda nenda mwanakwenda kwani ushatutenda inshallah Maulana atakutenda kwa kukulipa kadri ulivyotenda.

Mwingine ambaye amejizolea Madudu Tuzo ingawa alishakitoa zamani ni zee moja la hovyo liitwalo Pita Kisumu. Hili zee kwa kujikomba kwa mafisadi sina mfano. Hata hivyo sisemi mengi zaidi ya kuliramba Madudu Prize ambayo pia itatolewa kwa Idd Lion kwa kukwapua mshiko wa Uda. Hili zee ndilo lilimponza DPP Fenesi aliyekula nalo njama kulifutia kesi wakati lilikwapua. Shame on you all!

Je mwamjua anayepaswa kuongoza katika kunyakua Madudu Prize? Leo simtaji japo kila mtu amjua. Wiki hii amenusuriwa na kasheshe ya Kageme. Nilipanga apate tuzo.  Baada ya kumtolea uvivu yule jamaa anayejiona yeye ni bora kuliko wote kama walivyodanganywa na wakoloni, nimeamua nisimpe kwa vile ametenda inavyopaswa. Njaa Kaya popote ulipo furahi umenusurika. Hata hivyo, ndugu yako Kawa-dog atakuonjesha ‘utamu’ wa Madudu Prize.

Kwa vile tuzo ya Madudu inafuata misingi ya ukweli na uwazi na kujitenga na uonevu na ufichi, nitaongea na da Flo Wingia, bosi wetu, afanye mambo wasomaji waweze kuchagua nani awe akiipokea kila wiki.

Wale wanaotaka kupata Madudu Prize wafanye madudu wataipata kirahisi na hata ndege watawazomea kwa kupata Madudu Prize. Uzuri wa tuzo hii hakuna cha kuhonga wala nini bali unapigwa kitu kama kilivyo.

Hint: Nilitaka kujinyonga niliposikia eti uongoziii wa vyoo vikuu unampigia debe Jan Makamba agombee urais. Du!  Urais kumbe umegeuka urahisi hivi! Ashindwe na anyong’onyee. Huna udhu wa kuwa rais. Unadhani watachagua mtu kwa ukoo wake? Go figure my friend.

Salamu kwa wateja wangu wa zama zile za Nkwazi Music Centres na Nkwazi Tanzania Vehicle Delivery Ltd.

Chanzo: Nipashe Jumamosi Agosti 24, 2013

Mama anapopenda pesa kuliko watoto wake!

Tulizoea kusikia watoto wakiua wazazi wao ili kurithi mali zao hata ndugu kwa ndugu kutoana roho wakigombea urithi. Mama mmoja nchini Afrika Kusini aliicha dunia kinywa wazi alipotafuta muuaji ili awafutilie mbali watoto wake. Mama huyu mroho na mwenye roho mbaya alitaka watoto wake wawili wa kiume wauawe ili adai fidia toka kwenye kampuni ya Bima. Pesa inatupeleka wapi jamani? Je ni wazazi wangapi walioingia ibada ya mali hadi wakawa kuwatoa kafara watoto wao ili wapate utajiri? Je watoto wa mama huyu wakiamua iwe jicho kwa jicho nani atamlaumu nani? Kwa habari zaidi BONYEZA HAPA.

How do you like this?

Our high and mighty forgers will enjoy this. Again, why are we willingly and pointlessly sitting on this ticking bomb?  I can see hon. Joho has been mentioned to be the champion of  this crime in Kenya. We too in Tanzania have a lot more than even Kenya. We've bombs such as Nchimbi, Nagu, Kamala, Mahanga, Lukuvi and many more.

Patakatifu pa patakatifu si kijiwe cha mateja

BAADA ya kijiwe kunyaka taarifa kuwa msanii mkuu alifanya kikao na mateja kukuu kama njia ya kuionesha jamii jinsi ya kupambana na bwimbwi, kilikaa kama kamati kulaani jinai hii.
Maswali yalikuwa mengi kiasi cha kuniacha na kizunguzungu cha kizungumkuti.
Mara Kapende anaingia akiwa anasonya. Anasalimia kinyonge: “Waheshimiwa salama?” Tunamjibu haraka haraka.
Mipawa anamchokoza: “Kapende mbona huna raha leo, kunani?” Kapende anajibu: “Kwani hukusikia mateja yalivyonajisi patakatifu pa patakatifu au husomi magazeti?”
“Hebu urudiage nikuelewe hadi ni-‘comprehend’ na ‘ku-understand’ na ‘ku-underscore’. Unasema eti mateja yamekwendaga ikuru? Beng’we, hii hatari bajameni. Nani huyu kawaruhusu hawa mateja kwenda kulaga miunga patakatifu pa patakatifu?”
Kabla ya kuendelea, mgosi Machungi anachomekea: “Kwani mateja kwenda patakatifu pa patakatifu mnaona nongwa. Hukumbuki mgosi Mchonga alisema kuwa palishageuka pango la wanyang’anyi? Sioni tatizo kwa mateja au wauza unga wakienda kule kuyamaiza.”
Mpemba naye hajivungi, “Yakhe hii sasa kufuru. Yaani watu waacha wenzao wabwie unga halafu wakaribishana kupongezana kwa jinai? Hii si sawa wallahi.”
Msomi aliyekuwa akisikiliza kwa makini na kukuna kichwa anaamua kutia buti. Anasema: “Kama alivyosema mgosi sishangai kuona mateja yakienda huko kupata chai na mkuu. Kwanini yasiende kule? Kimsingi, huku ni kuonesha kushindwa kwa wazi kupambana na mihadarati. Kunywa chai na mateja hakuwasaidii bali kukamata wauza unga. Huku ni kuwatumia tu kisiasa. Huwezi kukutana na mateja halafu ukasema unapambana na unga. Badala ya sanaa, kamata wanaowauzia haya madude. Vinginevyo ni usanii wa kawaida na kutaka sifa kama sikosei.”
Kanji inaonekana kaguswa pabaya: “Kwanini vatu nakuwa baya hiwi. Tukufu iko onyesha penzi kwa vatu yake yote bila baguzi. Sifu yeye basi.”
Mzee Kidevu hamkawizi Kanji. Anampaka: “Kanji nawe unajua ubaguzi enhee? Unadhani hatujui mnavyowabagua waswazi majumbani mwenu mkiwatumikisha kama punda? Huwezi kuona ubaya wakati wanufaika wa unga mko wengi baba.”
Kanji naye hakubali: “Mzee Devu sema mimi uza unga? Omba samaha mimi kabla ya shitaki veve.”
“Kitoe huko! Umshitaki nani wakati wauza unga hawana alama? Kwa akili yako ya kiponjolo unadhani tunaweza kupambana na unga kwa kunywa chai na mateja au kukamata mizungu ya unga?”
Mbwa Mwitu aliyekuwa akitafuta upenyo wa kuchangia kapata nafasi. Anasema: “Nguluvi wane! Hawa jamaa nao kweli mateja. Yaani badala ya kuwaendea wauza mnakamata wanunuzi siyo? Huku nako kuishiwa kulhali.”
Kabla ya kuendelea Msomi Mkatatamaa anaamua kurejea kwa ‘force’. Anakwanyua mic: “Mimi nitatoa suluhisho la mihadarati. Kwanza, nasema turejeshe maadili ya utumishi badala ya kuendekeza madili.  Hapa lazima tuwabane watumishi wanaolala maskini na kuamka matajiri kwa kuruhusu unga upite. Ningeshauri hawa wabanwe waeleze walivyopata utajiri wa ghafla bin vuu.”
Anakwanyua kashata na kuendelea: “Kama mkuu anamaanisha kupambana na unga, basi awabane matajiri wote wenye kutia shaka. Afanye ukaguzi wa kushtukiza kwenye majumba na akaunti zao, mfano, wafanyakazi wa viwanja vya ndege, Uhamiaji, polisi na mamlaka nyingine zinazoshughulikia ukaguzi na jinai. Ndio wanufaika wakubwa wa jinai hii.”
Kanji hakubaliani na Msomi. Anachomekea haraka haraka: “Veve Somi danganya sisi. Hapana jua jinsi sirikali fanya kazi yake. Hapana ona juzi naweka tego na uza unga napitisha unga airport na inakamatwa Hong Kong?”
Wote kwa pamoja tunaangusha kicheko cha kebehi.
Msomi anaendelea: “Kanji usitufanye majuha, kama fisadi mkuu anakingiwaje kifua. Unamaanisha unga uliokamatwa Sauzi na Hong Kong ulikuwa mtego wa lisirikali? Go tell it birds my friend. Sema jamaa ameona awatumie waathirika kujipatia sifa tu. Mbona wauza unga wanafahamika?”
Kanji anarejea: “Veve Somi ongopa sana. Taja uza unga unajua veve.”
“Well done my friend! Nitataja. Kwanza, mkuu mwenyewe alisema anawajua, sema anawalinda tu kwa sababu zake. Yeye hakutaja. Mie nataja. Kama wote wale tunaowaona mitaani wakijidai na migari ya bei mbaya huku wakiishi kwenye mahekalu kama superstars wa Hollywood. Kwani hawajulikani?”
Anajifuta kijasho na kuendelea: “Wengi wanajulikana kuwa watoto wa kapuku walioibuka na kuwa mabilionea ghafla bin vuu.
Au hili nalo linahitaji FBI kuja kuwabaini? Ukitaka kuondokana na jinai ya unga, simpo. Amuru kila mmoja aeleze alivyopata ukwasi wake.”
Kabla ya kuendelea Kapende anachomekea, “Nani amuamuru nani kutaja mali zake iwapo mwenyewe anagwaya kufanya hivyo?
“Umesema vizuri my friend. Hiki ni kiini macho bin changa la macho. Huwezi kuwashughulikia mbuzi kwa kuliwa na fisi wakati ukilala kitanda kimoja na fisi wawalao bwana. Huu ni ujuha, msitugeuze majuha wenzenu.”
Mara Kanji anatoa kisingizio cha kuishia. Anasema: “Mimi iko na appointment. Hivyo, sasa kwenda mimi kuepuka hii ongo ya chana.”
Anaamka na kuondoka huku Mipawa akimsindikiza na matusi akisema: “Nendaga mwana kwendanga na ushuzi wako.”
Kicheko.
Msomi Mkatatamaa anaendelea: “ Si waseme wazi kuwa wanalea wauza unga kwa vile wana masilahi nao. Huwezi kuua maadili ukategemea madili nayo yafe. They know what they are doing, thanks to their myopia and blindness.”
Anakunywa tangawizi na kuendelea: “Hata kichaa akipewa nafasi anaweza kupambana na unga na kushinda. Badala ya kuamuru watuhumiwa wachunguzwe na kukamatwa tunajifanya kuwa na huruma na waathirika? Upuuzi mtupu! Mie nasema wazi. Siogopi kitu. Mkuu awataje wale aliosema ana orodha yao vinginevyo ni sanaa kama kawa.”
Mpemba anachomekea: “Yakhe naona angetangaza wazi kuwa sasa unga halali na wanaoupinga wanafanya jambo haramu.”
Mgosi Machungi anaamua kurudi tena. “Sisi timeshazoea hizi sanaa. Kesho titasikia eti mkuu anakutana na wauza unga na kuwasihi waache mara moja. Ila tijue tinaangamiza kaya.”
Msomi anajibu haraka. “Mgosi leo umetoa pwenti za maana sana. Heri wahalalishe kama alivyosema ami hapa mchezo uishie badala ya kugeuza watu mabunga. Hata hivyo, ana hasara gani wakati waathirika si vitegemezi vyake?
Pia, nani anajua? Huenda wapo watu wake ambao akiwakamata wanaweza kumuaibisha. Heri ajinyamazie kama alivyonyamazia kutaja mali zake.”
Kijiwe kikiwa ndiyo kinachangamka si alipita teja mmoja. Mbwa Mwitu alimwambia: “We teja nenda kanajisi patakatifu pa patakatifu na wakutumie kupata ujiko na kupiga picha nao.
Nikiwa najiandaa kutoa pwenti mama wa zote si lilipita gari la zungu la unga. Tuliamua na kuanza kulirushia kashata na kulimwagia tangawizi hadi ndata wakaja kutukamata.
Kila mmoja alijikata kivyake na kuwaacha ndata na teja lao ili liwapeleke kwa wauza unga wawatoe kitu kidogo na kitu kikubwa. Imetoka hiyo! Message sent au siyo?
Chanzo: Tanzania Daima Agosti 21. 2013.

Thanks Mwakiembe for naming no names

   

Jokes aside, when Movement Minister, Dr Harris Mwakiembe told the whole world that he’d name names connected with drug pushing, I wrote on my blog: How dare you Mwaki to attempt to do what failed your boss, prezo Jake Kiquette? I went ahead: I’m pretty sure the guy will name no names. Thubutu wakumtoe roho kama hujitaki. I added. I didn't expect a dog to chew the bone that a hyena is always afraid to gnash.

 My point of reference’s the way you feared to disclose those who actually was behind Richmonduli. Do you remember what you said sir? You said that for the sake of your party, there’s other crucial information you concealed. And indeed, after concealing such vital and damning information, you’re awarded the ulaji you’re now using to fool us once again!

Those used to usanii, braggadocios and ballyhoos weren't shocked when you came up with the names of dagaas as you once again concealed the names of sharks. If anything, this has been your way of doing things--- populist showoffs. Again, how long are you going to take boozers for a ride sir?

Methinks boozers are used to your bugaboos and monkey business. This has been the way of doing stuff almost for the whole cabinet.  Your back off reminded me that of Prof Ana Tiba Ijuka Kajuamlo who put mkwara on the building along India Street after its sister building killed boozers due to being constructed below standard. Given that this is Bongolalaland that’s been turned into shamba la bibi; any liar can come with all sorts of lies and get away with it. Why should criminals worry, if at all, Mkuu has always protected them?

Do you remember what happened when Kawa-dog J4 defecated on the ministry of knowledge? Boozer egged him to kick the heck out of there to no avail. He told them to their faces that he’d not relinquish power.  And, indeed’ he did stay put. And nothing happened to him. He’s still messing even more.

Those who know how connected drug barons are knew right away that what you’re doing was but fooling boozers to see how they’d react. Again, do you remember how in 2006 your boss told the whole world that he’d the lists of drug barons, thugs, corrupt officials and whatnot?  Seven years down the line he’s kept on playing ping pong and hoo-ha and nothing viable has ever come out of his outburst. Again, this is Bongolalaland where all brains are asleep.

If I were you, I’d have kept mum in lieu of dressing myself down. Now that you've proved beyond reasonable doubts that you are afraid of drug barons. What next? Indeed you’re a fearless fighter who can withstand all humiliation. Will you change the course of events and start dining with the mateja? Yeah. I’d strongly advise you to start fighting drugs by using the new method. Just dine and wine addicts and tell the world that you abhor drugs.

Dear good Doc, now you’re a full minister. When you tossed Richmonduli, you and Mr. Sam Six were awarded ulaji for crucifying the hoi polloi for your personal gains. What, then, will you be awarded this time for coming out and proving that you aren't afraid of concealing drug networks and drug barons? Do you think those dagaa you mentioned are going to convince boozers that you’re seriously taking on drugs? When you discovered that those small fish you fried helped drug barons to get their way through, why didn't you go ahead to squeeze them to name names of those who tipped them so as to let those two carrier girls get a green light? If I were you, I‘d have squeezed those guys to tell me who bought the way for the two girls that were apprehended in South Africa. I surely know. Those two poor earthlings are but couriers. The real owners of the drug they’re transporting are in Dar preparing yet other consignments to be sneaked out of the hunk. Something inside of me tells me that drug barons are known. You know them. Even birds know them. The problem is: You don’t want to take on them due to the fact that they’re heavyweights.

To help you, if you seriously aim at taking on drug barons especially the real ones, please, tell your boss to start ordering people to declare their wealth and the way they acquired it. Do you think he’ll consent to this if he himself refused to declare his? Another nugget of wisdom, if our hunk goes on revering money and lying to the public, things are going to become even worse in the future. How come that a pauper goes to bed poor so as to wake up richer and no eyebrows are raised?

To make my point even simpler and clearer, drug barons are people you can’t expect.  They live in mansions and castles without proving how they attained such status. They’re driving expensive toys everywhere and nobody cares! Who cares if they can buy their freedom to do their business? Si mseme kuwa kaya imewashinda instead of sanaa?

Dear good Doc,

I know you’re busy nabbing drug peddlers while ignoring drug barons. What you’re doing is fine save that you’re targeting and using small fish while going to bed with sharks. If not, tell me why you‘re unable to fulfill your promise of naming names of drug kingpins? Again, thanks. No thank s for not touching the untouchables.

Source: Thisday Aug., 19, 2013.

Sitta mnufaika wa Viti Maalumu aviita mzigo!

KWA miongo mingi walipa kodi wa Tanzania wamekuwa wakibebeshwa mzigo bila sababu wala ulazima wowote. Hakuna kitu kimekuwa kero kwa wengi hasa wenye kuzingatia uchumi zaidi ya siasa kama uwepo wa Viti Maalumu bungeni. Licha ya kuwa mzigo kwa mlipa kodi, upatikanaji wa viti hivi umekuwa kitendawili kilichozungukwa na tuhuma nyingi za rushwa hasa ya ngono, kujuana, udugu, kulipana fadhila ukiachia mbali udhalilishaji wa kina mama. Hivi karibuni, Waziri wa Ushirikiano wa Afrika Mashariki, Samuel Sitta, aliamua kuvitolea uvivu Viti Maalumu akisema wazi wazi vilivyo mzigo kwa taifa. Sitta alikaririwa akisema: “Wanakwenda bungeni hawachangii, hawana hata hoja za kuchachafya upinzani, hawachangii, hawa ni mzigo, hawawezi kuwajibishwa na yeyote kwa mfumo uliopo na pia hawawajibiki popote, sasa huu si mzigo?” Madai ya Sitta licha ya kuwa na muelekeo wa kuhami chama chake dhidi ya upinzani, hata hivyo, yana ukweli. Swali kubwa ni: Je, hawa wabunge wa Viti Maalumu licha ya kuwakilisha matumbo yao wanamwakilisha nani? Kwanini kulipwa kodi za wananchi kwa kuwakilisha matumbo yao na wale waliowapa fadhila kama vile vyama vyao? Je, tunawahitaji wabunge wanaoonesha wazi wazi udhalilishaji wa kijinsia katika karne hii? Je, ni kwanini wanawake nao wamekubali kudhalilishwa kwa kuhongwa vyeo vidogo na vichache ambavyo vimekuwa chanzo cha uhasama na mgawanyiko miongoni mwa wanawake? Sasa wakati wa kuwakomboa wanawake kutoka kwenye udhalilishaji huu ni sasa. Hakuna kitu kinatia kichefuchefu kama kugundua kuwa viti maalumu kwa kina mama na vijana vilianzishwa ili kuwadhoofisha tayari kwa kutumiwa na wanasiasa katika uchaguzi. Kwa mujibu wa matokeo ya sensa ya mwaka 2012, idadi ya wanawake ilikuwa kubwa kuliko wanaume katika mikoa yote ya Tanzania isipokuwa Mkoa wa Manyara wenye uwiano wa 101 kwa100 kati ya wanawake na wanaume huku Mkoa wa Njombe ukiongoza kwa wastani wa wanawake 100 kwa wanaume 88. Hivyo, kwa wingi wao, kama wanawake na vijana wangeungana katika uchaguzi wowote, hakuna shaka washindi wangekuwa ima ni wanawake au vijana. Kwa kujua ukweli huu mchungu, tangu wakati wa chama kimoja, vilianzishwa viti maalumu kwa ajili ya kina mama na vijana ili kuweza kuwahujumu au tuseme kuwazuia wasiangushe mibuyu. Walioanzisha mzigo huu kwa mlipa kodi, waliona mbali hasa ikizingatiwa kuwa wanawake wangegombea viti hivi vichache kiasi cha kusahau kuwashughulikia wagombea wanaume. Ni bahati mbaya kuwa pamoja na idadi ya wanawake wasomi kuongezeka, wanawake hawakuliona hili na kama waliliona hawakulifanyia kazi. Ni bahati mbaya kuwa mtego huu haukuwanasa wanawake peke yao bali hata vyama vya upinzani ambavyo navyo vina wabunge wa Viti Maalumu ambao watani wao huwaita wabunge wa misukule huku wanaowadhalilisha zaidi wakiviita viti vya chupi. Wanaviita hivyo kutokana na kukumbwa na tuhuma za baadhi ya wanufaika wa viti hivi kuhonga ngono ili kupigiwa upatu na wakubwa vyamani. Hata hivyo, mwandishi wa makala hii haungi mkono dhana ya kuitwa viti vya chupi hata kama kuna baadhi ya watu walivipata kwa njia ya kuhonga miili yao. Kwa vile sasa mazingira ya ushindani kisiasa hayana vikwazo vya kijinsia isipokuwa vya kiitikadi, umefika wakati wa kina mama kuachana na viti vya udhalilishaji na kujisimamia. Tuna mifano hai ya wanawake walioachana na udhalili huu na kusimama na kushinda ubunge bila kutegemea kupewa kama vile Halima Mdee CHADEMA (Kawe). Beatrice Shellukindo na wengine wengi tu. Hivyo hofu ya kushindwa kwa sababu ya jinsia haina msingi tena katika mazingira ya sasa ya ushindani. Nani anahijtaji wabunge wa Viti Maalumu wakati huko watokako kuna wabunge wa kuchaguliwa wanaowakilisha jinsia na rika zote? Nani anahitaji wabunge wanaokwenda bungeni kuligeuza kijiwe kwa kutokuwa na wanayemwakilisha wala hoja ya kuchangia bungeni? Hata wakichangia michango yao mara nyingi ni dhaifu na wakati mwingine haipo kabisa. Kimsingi, viti maalumu na vile vitokanavyo na kuteuliwa na rais ni mzigo na wizi wa pesa ya mlipa kodi maskini. Ni upanuzi wa hovyo wa serikali bila sababu ya msingi zaidi ya wanasiasa kuyafarakanisha makundi yenye idadi kubwa ya watu na kulipana fadhila kama si kutafutiana ulaji. Hata hivyo, pamoja na Sitta kuuona ukweli, ‘sincerity’ yake inatia shaka ikizingatiwa kuwa mnufaika mkubwa wa kadhia hii ni mke wake, Margaret Simwanza Sitta, ambaye kupitia kadhia hii aliwahi hata kuteuliwa kuwa Waziri wa Elimu. Je, Sitta amekumbuka shuka asubuhi au ni unafiki wa kawaida wa wanasiasa wa ‘fanya nikwambiacho lakini si nitendavyo?’ Je, Sitta ameliona hili ili aonekane ana uchungu na mlipa kodi hivyo kujipatia umaarufu kisiasa au kweli vinamuudhi? Tukiachana na utata wa Sitta kuona ubaya wa viti vilivyomnufaisha, kuna ukweli usiopingika kuwa viti hivi ni mzigo unaopaswa kutuliwa hasa kupitia Katiba mpya inayosisitiza usawa wa kila hali. Wakati wa kuachana na unyonyaji huu mkongwe umefika ambapo wanawake waelimishwe na kuachana na kupitia viti maalumu ambavyo kimsingi vipo pale kuwadhalilisha na kuwadhoofisha kama tulivyoonesha hapo juu. Hatuna haja ya kuendelea kuwa na ubunge nyemelezi na dhalilishaji katika karne ya 21 ya maendeleo makubwa kidemokrasia. Chanzo: Tanzania Daima Jumapili Agosti 18, 2013.