In the defense of Mr. President

 

I've been forced to clarify as to why sometimes things can’t sound the way you like or expected them to.  I’m making this clarification after one reader, sent me a provocative message that became a challenge to me. Boozers in Nkwazi’s Court, as a column, aims at dealing with hot and sensitive issues many people hate but don't want to address. From the outset, I can, therefore, argue that this column will touch at people differently. There are those who’ll either hate or like it. It is natural—everything’s more than one side. Essentially, this is what my court is all about.

True, corruption, rot and general better than thou are daily realities we face as a society. However, we’ll try to avoid being better than thou. Instead, we’ll mercilessly, but consistently, tell the truth. Again, truth is relative and multipronged. To address this, my court will employ quips, wisdom and humour to shed light on truth many people fear to touch on for fear of being dealt with especially when such truth touches on the high and mighty. Media always bear the blunt when particularly for not taking on bad habits or the high and mighty.  It becomes even spooky once the media is accused of hobnobbing with or being used by some high and mighty it is supposed to shame and whose rot to unearth and exhume. Where hooves tread always claws follow---there are some diapers like journalists who can be hired to do such dirty jobs.  It is true. Some media are bed with evildoers.  This doesn't mean that all media houses are. Thus, we’re trying to set the ball rolling so much so that our society can evaluate itself. This being said, wonder not, for instance, if you come across words such as thieves, liars, purloiner, con man and so on. More importantly, we’ll not target anybody for no reasons. For example, if you sleep on wheel, we’ll take on you so that you can wake up and do the right thing you’re expected of. 

After making some clarifications, let me delve into issues. I’m going to assess President Jake Kiquette’s performance, especially, delay tactics in many issues. I must admit. I’m not the creature that praises others especially the biggies like Presidents and other big eater, movers, shakers and rainmakers. 

One of the complaints I heard is that Kiquette promised to reexamine investment contracts that ended up becoming lossmaking biz. Also, many people’d want him and other biggies declare their wealth.  However sensitive and important this can be, don’t they know! If he does, thieves will rob him or even those guys that are than him can laugh at him? Who wants to have his president laughed? 

I know.  Many’ll laugh at me especially for taking on a proverbial wise monkey that sees nothing and says nothing. It needs the courage of the mad to allow the general public turn you into a question-marksman’s target thanks to inquisitive and testing questions resulting from angst and broken hearts. Yeah. It needs arrogance to assure heartbroken populace that you’ll deliver.  It needs not only the courage of the mad to promise better life for all. It needs what boozers call artistry skills ala usanii. Under the art of turning things upside down and downside up, at least one can turn himself into a wise fool.

The other day some boozers were saying that they’ll demonstrate and see to it that they come to the office of Mr Big so that he can tell them why he didn't deal as drug peddlers as you promised. I told them openly that nabbing drug barons is not as easy as those who don’t know the whole game think. The guys have a hell of money so that they can tip and vend anybody. That being the case, I told the boozers that wherever things seem not to move just drop a coin. Swahili sage has it that penye udhia penyeza rupia. You see. Money talks. And it does so loudly.

Another boozer wanted to know when the dosh stashed in offshore banks will be retrieved. The guy seems to hate mzee wa Vijisenti and his company including the one Kagodamn billionaire. He said that these guys should be sent to the gallows as soon as possible. For they kill millions of Danganyikans. To cool his jet I told him to go hang…mwenye wivu ajinyonge. I told him to go to hell or Lemuria if not Atlantis.  Nobody’s going to be bothered. I added that in Bongo the law deals with chicken thieves as it protect those who steal millions and billions. Therefore, I told the guy and all others like him who want the dosh stashed in the offshore banks returned, to go commit suttee or forget. There’s nothing like to bring back the dosh. If anything, as little bird confided me, much more money is stashed even more. Do you think big thieves will stop stealing while they know the law protects them?  Again, the hydra-like system that keeps them will grow another tentacle once you cut one.

My major question today is: When’ll you erase the anomalies in your administration Mr. Jake?

Source: The Guardian on Sunday 6, 2014.