Our Kenyan neighbours are edging closer to their general elections just three years down the line. All those wanting to become president are using whatever means to convince voters that they are the ones cut for a job. Some have gone far than one would expect. Remember recent allegations that certain Mount Kenya Mafias were hatching a plot to kill the deputy president? Who would like to kill such a wonderful person and the head of hustlers of Kenya? Who would want to revive the culture of political holocausts that once reeled Kenya to the extent that it came close to its breakage if not failure as a nation of tribes that are always fighting? Where have investigations into the charade led to?
Though I’m not a psychic or a pollster, I can easily foretell who’ll do another between the voters and those competing for glories, goodies and yum-yum power offers. I can do so right on the money, Apart from making a killing either for me or those who’ll carry the day. In this cutthroat game involving blame and brain games, one needs to know what his/her targets want to hear.
To win fair and square, make sure you do the following:
First, tell voters about Shangri-La and the hunk of milk and honey and other lies. They’ll swallow them hook, line, and sinker. As you make your debut, promise their kids some gadgets such as laptops even real computers; you’ll get away with murder; and it’ll make your voters’ arch favori.
Secondly, make zillions of promises that you won’t make good on. So , too, make sure you freely though cautiously hobnob with your voters. Before this season of lies, you’re on the heavy side. But this time, you need to climb down so much so that you see to it that you make your voters believe that all binadams are equal while they actually aren’t. Equality here’s when the big guns seek to make a killing. Thereafter, the distance between the hoi polloi and the hoity toity becomes far apart like death and life. The guys that used to be as scarce as bird’s urine must become luvs that oft-wine and dine voters as a ruse of getting their votes that guarantee them to vend voters for four coming four years. You used to fear them like Hansen’s disease. But now, impromptu love must kick in so sturdily that it equates you though temporarily in this casino-culture-like season. I can see many paupers with dosh the high and the mighty offer them to easily bung them. This trend’s like an old chestnut in African charades aka elections.
Thirdly, make sure; your oil guzzler’s becoming a village Matatu. This is known as the doctrine of temporal sonkorisation to mean offering the services paupers have never had freely, but covertly expecting something from them. Those you used to feed dust when you rolled on by, now have all rights to enjoy your expensive toy provided that after elections are over, they’ll see it the same way they see the moon. Those whose kids were expelled from school for their inability to pay school fees or hospital bills are good baits to use in the search for votes. Further, this is the rightest time to attend massed every Sunday on which you donate bigly and generously. If you want those votes, there’s a price to pay. Foot the bill; simple. It’ll make them happy though temporally. Just pick up the tab; and make them feel good about you. When you do that, make sure you pontificate it so that every voter hears about your newfound generosity and love for your people. Makes sure; you make them believe that this a-bolt-out-of-the-blue-like love’s real even in truth it’s fake and a chimera.
Fourthly, make them believe you’re cut out for the job. Show ‘em you’re academically healthy. In your flipflops, make sure you don’t flop or flub your mission. If you know this art of deceit and use your gift of the garb rightly, be sure of filliping your cusses so that they can end in oblivion easily and quickly. Show the voters that your foes are dead handed. Therefore, voting for them is wasting their votes and voting for you is securing their future. Essentially, this is the wattle and daub of this trade known as politricks in which the winner must put the foes through the wringer.
Fifthly and last, guess what. All said, expect the unexpected in this game of deceit. Sometimes, things turn out differently from the way they’re envisaged. Again, whether you lose or win, make sure you live up to your promises as the preparations for the next elections.
All said, there is no need to put a country in war mood by fabricating things. There is no need of making farfetched allegations that involve serious matters such as homicide. As the late prof George Saitoti, former vice president, once succinctly put it that “there comes a time when the nation is more important than an individual…but one day I will be proved right.” I thus would proudly say that, when it comes to Kenya, please all contenders and suitors for presidency must see to it that Kenya is more important than their personal gains, thus all wars and wrangles for presidency need to be abandoned and ceased forthwith.
Source: African Executive Think Tank-Nairobi, Kenya
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