Mlevi akataa tuzo kanyabwoya ya mlevi bora

            Kuna kijigazeti cha kitapeli kiitwacho Afro Jua Times kilitaka kuniingiza mjini na kunitumia kikidhani mimi ni njinga na mpenda kusifiwa ujinga kama wale wanaopenda kila upuuzi ilmradi wamesifiwa hata kwa ujinga.

            Kijigazeti hiki –ambacho bila shaka kinamilkiwa na matapeli wa kibongo na kinigeria eti kilinitangaza kama mlevi wa mwaka wakati hakuna nilichowafanyia walevi zaidi ya kushirikiana na wezi kuiba kanywaji kao. Eti kilitaka niende kupokea tuzo hii kichaa utadhani mimi kichaa au Njaa! Hata hivyo –hata ingekuwa kweli nimefanya mambo makubwa kwa walevi –nani anapaswa kujua ubora wa mlevi kati ya walevi na hawa matapeli wa ulaya? Nimewastukia hawa matapeli uchwara wanaotaka kunitumia niwapigie ndogo ndogo kwa Dk Kanywaji baada ya kugundua kuwa tulisoma wote na ni swahiba yangu mkubwa. Nasema wazi mmenoa na mkome na kukomaa. Bongo siyo shamba la bibi tena tangu rafiki yangu Dk Kanywaji akamate ukanda.

            Historia hii ya matapeli kutaka kunigeuza mumu au mpumbavu kwa lugha ya matapeli wa kinegeria inaanzia mbali. Kuna kipindi nilipewa shahada feki ya Udaktari na chuo kimoja cha mtaani kule majuu baada ya kugundua mimi ni kihiyo na mpenda sifa. Punde si punde nikapewa tuzo na wachunaji uchwara na baadhi ya NGOs. Kwa vile walinipata kabla sijawabamba kuwa ni matapeli, waliona mimi ni mumu ambaye wanaweza kumtumia watakavyo. Kama ni kuwa mumu basi wao ndiyo mumu ila siyo mlevi kama mimi bonge la mjanja ambaye nimepiga vitabu kuliko hata ninavopiga ulabu. Guess what. Nimepiga shule hadi nikafikia kibao kisemacho, il n’y a pas plus de classe pour vous. Yaani kwa kisambaa hakuna darasa hapa ndiyo mwisho.

            Kwa wanaotujua wasomi kama sisi na Dk Kanywaji, huwa hatupendi sifa za dezo hasa za kisomi au utendaji. Unakwenda shule haki la mlevi anaona. Unachapa mzigo hadi kila mvivu na mwizi anaona na kupigwa na butwaa. Kwanza, hawa matapeli wamepoteza muda wao. Mimi –sawa na Dk Kanywaji –si watu wa kutumia njuluku za walevi kwenda kuzurura ughaibuni. Si washamba wala malimbukeni wala watu wenye roho mbaya wanaojifanya kutoona jinsi walevi walivyopigika. Hata kama tuzo yenyewe ingekuwa ya ukweli nisingeunguza dola kwenda kupokea upuuzi. Kwa vile mimi ni fyatu, nilipopigiwa simu kuwa nimepata tuzo hii mavi niliamua kuwaambia –kama tuzo ni dili –wawape mama zao waliozaa na kulea matapeli wasiopenda kufanya kazi bali kutapeli wenzao. Walidhani mimi ni bongolala au Vasco da Gama mpenda kuzurura hata kwa vitu vya hovyo? Thubutu yao. Hawampati mtu hata kwa chembe.

            Kama ninastahiki tuzo, basi, tuzo hiyo nitapewa na walevi ambao napanga kuacha kuwabia na kuwatumikia kama Dk Kanywaji anavyotumikia wachovu wa kaya hii iliyokuwa imenajisiwa na vihiyo, mafisi, mafisadi, malimbuke, wavivu, wazururaji, wasanii na wajinga waliokuwa wakitumia masaburi kufikiri badala ya vichwa. Haya ya matapeli na matapeli watapeliwa wenzao tuyaache.

            By the way, ngoja niwape ishu bab kubwa ambayo itanitoa kiasi cha kugeuka bilionea na kuandikwa kwenye gazeti la Forbes. Guess what. Ninataka kuanza bishara ya kuingiza kayani mafuta machafu na kuwalangua wachovu. Maana siku zote sikujua kuwa kumbe wese feki lilikuwa dili na washenzi walikuwa wakiukata wakati sisi tunakatwa na umaskini, ukwete na ukapa! Kwa vile nimeinyaka. Lazima nianze kupiga dili ili nami niwe tajiri ati. Pia nataka kuanza biashara ya kulima miraa. Wasioinyaka misamiati yangu ni kwamba miraa ni mirungi ambayo kule kaya ya jirani ambako binadamu waliamua kujigeuza mbuzi wakibugia majani kama hawana akili nzuri miraa ni dili bab kubwa. Nimeishapata eneo kule upareni ambako nitalima hii kitu na kuula kama wengine.

            Wakati nikingoja wafanyakazi wamalize kulima hii kitu na kuvuna –kwa vile nimesoma ma-commerce, business na madude mengine ya kitapeli lazima nibadili jina na kujiita Mpayukaji Kanywaji ili niweze kuomba kazi pale Banki kuu sawa na vitegemezi vingine vya wanene vilivyojazana pale ambavyo Dk Kanywaji naona hajavistukia na kuvitumbua hata kama ni vijipu vilivyozaliwa na mabusha ambayo nayo hajayatumbua. Hii ikibuma basi nitaamua kufanya kitu kingine ambacho kitaishangaza dunia. Guess what.  Hebu soma taratibu, nitaanza kukusanya habari za Dk Kanywaji nijue kama ana kabinti ambako hakajaolewa nikaoe ili nami niwe mkwe wa dingi ili anikumbuke. Jamaa anavyopenda wachovu na wanyonge, najua atafurahi kusikia kuwa Ayatollah Mlevi ameamua kuwa mkwewe ili nibadili jina vizuri.

            Wakati nikisukuti jinsi ya kutoka, ngoja niende kwa mama Ndiza nikapate kanywaji halafu niende mitaa ya Lumumba kununua kete mbili hivi za bwimbwi nibembee kwenye maraha yangu nikiota kuwa bahari tena wa nchi kavu.

Chanzo: Nipashe Januari 16, 2016.

Kijiwe chataka rais atumbue na mabusha

            Rais Joni Kanywaji Makufuli amejipa cheo cha mtumbua majipu. Wengi wamemkubali ingawa wapo wanaomlaani hasa wale wakazi a mabondeni. Wanalaumu kwanini watoe kura waishie kubomolewa mijengo yao.

            Leo mheshimiwa Bwege ndiye analianzisha. Baada ya kutua gazeti la Danganyika Daima mezani, analianzisha, “Mmeisoma hii ya mchunaji Rwakatarehe kughushi uhalali wa hekalu lake kuendelea kukaa kwenye eneo alilojenga kinyume cha sheria?”
            Mijjinga anamchomekea hata kabla ya kuendelea, “Hili hekalu litapigwa chini tu. Huyu mchunaji na mwanasheria wake uchwara wametumia mbinu za kitoto. Waliozoea kuchezea utawala wa Njaa Kaya waliokuwa wameuweka mifukono. Kwa hii ngoma iliyopo ikulu wamekwama.”

            Kabla ya kuendelea Msomi Mkatatamaa anakula mic, “Kwa hili nakubaliana nawe mheshimiwa Bwege. Kwanza walichofanya ni jinai ya kughushi. Hata kabla ya kujadili mantiki na kwanini walifanya hivyo, Rwakatarehe na wanasheria wake walipaswa kuwa ndani ili uchunguzi zaidi kufanyika. Inashangaza kwa kaya yenye utawala wa sheria –kwa mtu mwenye akili timamu kufanya vitu kama hivi. Ajabu eti gendaeka mwenyewe alipewa PhD ya heshima. Kwa heshima ipi wakati ni tapeli wa kawaida?”
  “Msomi unashangaa huyu mchunaji kufanya aliyofanya na kupewa digrii ya heshima ya juu! Mbona wapo wengi kama yeye wanajiita madaktari wakati hata sekondari hakumaliza?, anajibu Mipawa huku akikamua kahawa yake.

            Kapende aliyekuwa ndiyo anaweka kisimu chake vizuri mezani anakula mic, “Mie nadhani huku kutumbua majipu anakofanya rahis hakujaniridhisha. Bila kutumbua mabusha kama yale ya Escrow, UdA, BoT na mengine mengi sitakubaliana naye. Lazima rais ayatumbue majipu na mabusha sambamba.”

            Mgosi anaamua kuchomekea, “Hapa Kapende umenena. Tinataka kuona mabusha yote yaiyoingia mikataba feki nayo yakitumbuiwa. Tinataka kuona vinaa wa hujuma wakisakwa na kutumbuiwa. Huwezi kutumbua majipu na mapunye ukaacha mabusha kama yae yaiyosababisha mgao wa umeme kwa kuazamisha kuuza majeneeta yao. Lazima rahis aambiwe kuwa atumbue na mabusha.”

            Sofia Lion aka Kanungaembe naye anaamua kukamua, “Nakubaliana nawe Mgosi. Kutumbua majipu na mapunye tu na kuacha mabusha ni kufuga ugonjwa. Lazima rais atumbue. Pia nasi tutumbuane bila kuoneana aibu.”

            “Mimi nitakutumbua wewe da Sofi kama mchezo wenyewe ndiyo huu,” Mbwamwitu anamchomekea da Sofia.

            Msomi anarejea, “Kweli mnaomtaka rais atumbue mabusha mna pwenti hapa. Hamkuona juzi baadhi ya mabusha yakienda ikuu eti kumpongeza na kutaka ayape kazi kana kwamba hajastaafu? Hivi jamaa aliyejitwalia mgodi wa Makaa ya Mawe wa Kiwila siyo busha? Je jamaa yetu wa Loliyondo, Kagoda na EPA siyo mabusha? Kama Dokta Kanywaji amepania kweli kusafisha kaya na kuondoa ugonjwa, lazima atumbue haya mabusha makubwa makubwa.”

            Kabla ya kuendelea, Kanji anakula mic, “Mimi chuki busha kuliko jipu. Nini jipu mtu naweza ficha? Kila mtu ona busha kubakuba napita mbele ya nyumbani yake. Kama rais haiko ona busha mimi tapelekea yeye orodha.”

            Mijjinga anapoka mic, “Orodha ya nini Kanji wakati Dokta Kanywaji anayajua mabusha yote kwa vile amefanya kazi nayo? Tangu Njaa Kaya alipoatamia ile orodha ya wauza bwimbwi mafisadi na majambazi, siamini tena katika kuwapa wakubwa orodha. Wao wana vyombo vya usalama vinavyolipwa mabilioni ya njuluku. Wavitumie hivyo hivyo kuyabaini na kuyatumbua majipu na mabusha.”

            Mzee Maneno anatia guu, “Hapa Mijjinga umenikuna. Bila kutumbua mabusha tutakuwa tunapaka rangi upepo. Hakuna mabusha yanayonisumbua kama yale yaliyojaa Banki kuu. Hivi rahis ajui kuwa ile banki imejaa watoto wa mabusha? Je rahis hajui kuwa hata haya majipu anayonasa TRA, Bandari na kwingineko yameajiriwa kutokana na kudhaminiwa au kupelekwa na mabusha? Je tuna wafanyabiashara wangapi tena wanaoitwa mashuhuri ambao ni wakwepa kodi kwa vile wamekiteka chama twawala kwa kukichangia njuluku wanayoibia kaya yetu?”

            Kabla ya mzee Maneno kuendelea Mpemba anakula mic, “Yakhe unosema hakika kweli tupu. Tuna wafanyibiashara wengi matapeli wanaoibia kaya kwa kujifanya wanatoa huduma za maendeleo. Hivi kweli hii migodi ya dhahabu inayoiba mabilioni na kujenga vijishule na vijizahanati viwili vitatu si mabusha? Je haya makampuni ya promosheni za kila uchao hasa yale ya simu si mabusha? Twataka yote yatumbuliwe kwani yajulikana ati.”

            Mipawa anarejea, “Hata Chama cha Maulaji (CcM) nacho ni busha. Kwani ndicho kilichoruhusu wezi wakifadhili kana kwamba haina uwezo wa kutafuta vyanzo vyake vya fedha chenyewe. Kwani Dokta Kanywaji hajui kuwa wafadhili wengi wa CcM ni wauza bwimbwi, wakwepa kodi, walanguzi, wafanya magendo, mafisadi na hata majambazi! Kama hajui aje hapa kijiweni tumtajie majina wazi wazi bila kificho kwani tunakula na kulala nao.”

            Wakati kijiwe kinanoga si likapita shumbwengu la mchunaji Rwakatarehe. Acha tulitoa mkuku. Bahati yake tungempata tungemfanyia kitu mbaya ili liwe somo kwa wengine.

Chanzo: Tanzania Daima January 13, 2016.

Boozer proposes axing presidential perks

 After Dr. Joni Kanywaji Mugful came to power two months ago, the dirty linens of the former regime are on the agora for every eye to see enjoy and jeer for the victims; and frown for the beneficiaries. Essentially, Dr. Mugful’s opened Pandora’s Box if not dressing down the former sitting-duck-like regime which’s but a cabal of fisadis and swindlers who held our hunk at ransom wantonly.

            Guess what. After evidencing all garbage and messes the former regime was sitting on, boozers have decided to put such stuff to an end. As we’re swallowing Kanywaji and talking about how Escrow buggers will always screw us big time one boozer came with a very revolutionary suggestion.  Sweat it not my friend. When I say revolution, I don’t mean coup d’état. I mean a different and lucid way of doing things for the benefit of all boozers including their thieves in their offices who receive bribes and let criminals get away with murder.

            The boozer who answers to the name of Fyatu left us baffled when he proposed that the president that’s let down the boozers shouldn’t receive any kinua mgongo. He said that such a person should be delivered to the gaol so that he can do his time just like the likes of Charles Taahira and Laurent Badboy who are now rotting in The Hague for failing to deliver.

            Before long, the son of man added more spices. He questioned the rationale –for instance –of remunerating Jake Kiquette whom Dr. Mugful Kanywaji has proved to be but a damp squib. The boozer didn’t end up there. Without any gist of fear, wanted to know what Jake was doing for ten years if Danganyika was as rotten as Dr. Mugful found it. He added as he frowned, “What is Jake remunerated for if at all he failed to collect revenues, punishing drug barons, Kagoda, EPA, Escrow architects and whatnot?”

            As the boozer went on puking cool stuff, everybody’s peeping outside to see if there were any security guys or cops who’d charge us with made-up cases to please their bosses. We’d to take some measure especially in the hunk where big thieves are rewarded while petty offenders are incarcerated forever for their stupidity of steal small things instead of big sums of dosh like the Escrow buggers did. Do you remember the bugger who’s apprehended recently smuggling billions of dosh worth of tanzanite?  After doing his stuff he’s sentenced to either pay Tshs 15ish million or go to jail for six years. Given that they puta was prepared paid such vijisenti and became a free criminal! Compare this stinking corruption to what transpired in the same week whereby some mugs were sentenced to serve 60 years in jail for just pilfering Tshs. 300,000.

            Going back to presidential remunerations and yum-yum, it seems.  Our entertaining boozers of the day Mr. Fyatu took the mic and hollered, “Those who perform poorly are well remunerated while those who perform well end up being left to die of hardship. If you think I am making this up go ask former East African Community workers. How many years have they waited for their emoluments? From there go ask Jake if he hasn’t already started enjoying his fat perks. Little bird told me that Africa is always poor not because it is godsent situation or anything but internal colonialism perpetrated by black colonialists we entrusted our offices to misuse and abuse as they deem fit.”

             Fyatu fears nothing but fear. After sipping more kanywaji he went on lecturing us saying, “Sometimes you don’t get it. How a dude that presided over the regime that allowed thieves to smuggle out containers in thousands can be remunerated instead of having a date with the judge.”

            Fyatu smiled at the wall and went on, “Isn’t this rewarding crimes and graft in the first place? Is there any dangerous enemy of the people that this really? You wonder to find that the dude that burnt a lot of dosh globetrotting is awarded more yum-yum while many boozers are dying of preventable and treatable diseases.”

             After finding that Fyatu was dominating the gathering, I decided to chip in. I asked him, “You keep on blaming others which is wrong. Tell us what you would do if you were president.”  He spat and looked at me as if I were offal if not a born that a dog has left and said, “The president of Danganyika?” I replied affirmatively. He said, “I’d vend you to modern slave masters the same way your ancestors were vended by Arabs to Europeans.”

             All boozers laughed till eyes were full of tears. Fyatu didn’t laugh. Instead he calmly said, “What do you do with the hunk of the blind where thieves are always rewarded while do-gooders are jeered and laughed at? Go ask Harbinger Singasinga and Jimmy Rugemalayer, Roast Tamu L’Aziz and other buggers such as those of UdA.”

Source: Guardian, Jan.,10, 2016.

Mlevi aja na Quantum Corruption Detection Theory

                  Baada ya matapeli wanaocheza na uhai wa walevi kuja na kinachoitwa Quantum Magnetic Analyzer ili kuwaaminisha kuwa nao ni wataalamu tena wanaokwenda na sayansi na teknolojia, Mlevi nimeingiza kitu inaitwa Quantum Corruption Detection Theory (QCDT) itakayomsaidia rais Dk Kanywaji Magufuli kupambana na mafisi na mafisadi.  Hii dhana ni ubunifu wa kisomi wa mlevi wala haitoki China wala Korea hata Ugabacholini. Chini ya dhana hii ni rahisi wadanganyika kuona tofauti yangu na matapeli wenye roho mbaya na uchoyo wa fisi unaosababisha vifo na umaskini kwa walevi, mlevi analenga kuwakomboa walevi wenzake kutoka kwenya makucha na uroho wa mashetani watu hawa. QCDT tofauti na Quantum Magnetic Analyzer, haitoi jibu ndani ya muda mfupi wala hairuhusu matapeli kuitumia kwa vile inataka mhusika awe amebukua si nchezo.

            Tofauti nyingine ni kwamba Mlevi haji na kifaa chochote bali wazo au nadharia ambayo –kama itafanyiwa kazi vizuri –italeta mapinduzi ya hali ya juu ukiachia mbali kutoa haki kwa walioikosa kwa miongo mingi hasa baada ya kuachia ngazi mzee Mchonga. Hivyo, nadharia hii ya kimapinduzi hailengi kumtapeli wala kumnyonya yeyote bali kumkomboa kila mlevi hata wale waroho na mafisi wanaowaibia kwa sasa wasijue wanajiibia hata wao wenyewewe. Sasa baada ya serikali mpya ya Dk Kanywaji kuja juu na kutaka kurejesha kaya kwenye mstari, lazima tumpe tafu ili kuharakisha maendeleo ya kaya na walevi wetu.

            Chini ya dhana ya QCDT si lazima uibe ndipo uwe tajiri na si lazima ukwepe kodi ndiyo upate utajiri. Lazima ufanye kazi kwa juhudi na maarifa ndipo upate ufanisi. Hapa kazi tu na asiyefanya kazi asile. Dhana ya QDCT inasema wazi kuwa kama umma utafanya kazi kwa kujituma na kutenda haki kwa kila mtu kaya nzima itaendelea kwani hakuna atakayekuwa anamnyonya mwenzake na hivyo utajiri utatiririka toka lisirikalini hadi kwa walevi. Hapa lazima pande zote zitimize wajibu wake. Walevi wachape kazi na kulipa kodi na kufanya manunuzi na lisirikali likusanye kodi na kuwekeza kwa walevi. Chini ya dhana ndogo ya QCDT iitwayo Yin Yang interconnectivity (YYI) wawili hawa yaani lisirikali na walevi hutugemeana na kufanya kazi kwa kushirikiana kuheshimiana na kulindana ilmradi wote watendeane haki kwa mujibu wa makubaliano ambayo huwekwa kwenye kitabu kinachoitwa Katiba.

            Chini ya dhana ya kisomi ya QCDT serikali inapaswa kutumia mbinu chokonozi na fumuzi ya kuwapa fomu wale wote inaowashuku kuwa nyuma ya ufisadi ili wajieleze na kuorodhesha utajiri wao na namna walivyoupata bila kusahau kuonyesha wamefanya hivyo kwa muda gani na kwa shughuli gani halali na haramu. Hapa lazima serikali iwasisitize kusema ukweli. Ili kubaini upungufu, unapokuwa na watuhumiwa kama hawa, unawaita sehemu na kuwahoji bila kuwa na nyaraka halafu unawaruhusu waandike maelezo kwa mikono yao wakitumia ushahidi wowote ili baadaye upambanishwe na yale waliyosema kwenye mahojiano ya awali. Hii ni njia ya kisayansi ya kumfanya muongo abainike kutokana na kutoa maelezo yanayogongana.

            Baada ya hapo dhana ya QCDT inapendekeza kuwachunguza watuhumiwa baada ya kuwahoji na kupokea maelezo yao ya maandishi na ya mahojiano.  Baada ya hapo unakwenda kwenye  taasisi  na makampuni ya simu na mawasiliano na kupata taarifa za simu zao ili kuangalia kama kuna walichoficha bila kusahau kuwahoji, watu wa karibu nao,  majirani zao hasa maadui zao.

            Ili kuopata taarifa sahihi zoezi la kuwahoji lazima lifanyike si mara moja wala mbili kwenye issue hiyo hiyo moja.  Kitaalamu ni kwamba lazima watafanya makosa na kujikanganya. Pia katika mahojiano na fomu za kujieleza hakikisha watuhumiwa wanaorodhesha matumizi yao miaka mitano.

            Wengine unaweza hata kuangalia saizi ya vitambi vyao, mitaa wanayoishi, kampani zao hata safari zao.  Wengine unaweza kuchunguza ngoma wanazochukua ujue zinatokea mikoa gani na zinawakwangua kiasi gani kuzitunza au kuzihudumia. Ukikuta mduwanzi anazo na ana ngoma toka karibu na ile milima ya akina Shimbo… we koma! Ujue kuna kitu hapo si bure hasa mdingi mwenyewe anapokuwa ana manzi kali ikilinganishwa na shepu yake. Hayo tuyaache japo meseji sent.

Chanzo: Nipashe, Januari 8, 2016.

Serikali imulike makampuni ya simu

            Serikali ya awamu ya tano imeanza kuweka nchi kwenye mguu sawa baada ya kuanza kushughulikia ufisadi wa kutish na wa kunuka wa muda mrefu nchini. Bandari, Mamlaka ya Mapato, Hospitali ya taifa ya Muhimbili, na Reli wameishaonja joto ya juhudi hizi za makusudi. Hata hivyo, hizi zote ni taasisi za umma.  Hatujui kama serikali imeanza na taasisi za umma ili baadaye zifuatie za binafsi au ndiyo utakuwa mwisho wa opereshini. Japo hatuwezi kusema kuwa serikali imezisahau taasisi na makampuni binafsi –kutokana na ukubwa wa tatizo –si vibaya tukaipa tipu nyingine ili iweze kutumbua majipu mengine ambayo haijayashughulikia. Kwani taasisi hizi zinashirikiana katika mambo yote yawe mabaya au mazuri kwa taifa. Hivyo, si vibaya tukiikumbusha serikali kuzimulika taasisi na makampuni binafsi ili kuweka nchi kwenye mstari unaotakiwa kwa ajili ya maendeleo ya taifa na watu wake.  Hakuna watu wanawawachezea watanzania kama makampuni ya binafsi yakiwamo makampuni ya simu. Kwanza, yanawalangua watu wetu ikilinganishwa na nchi jirani. Sijawahi kupata jibu ni kwanini nikipiga simu Kenya au Uganda natozwa pesa kidogo ikilinganishwa na Tanzania. Pili, sijawahi kupata jibu kwanini ninapopiga kwenye nchi tajwa hapo juu naongea bila simu kukatika hadi mwisho wa maongezi tofauti na Tanzania ambapo simu inakatika mara kwa mara ili kukatwa tozo la kuuganishia mitandao na simu.

            Tatu, huwa sijapata jibu kwanini simu za Tanzania –hasa kwa tulio Amerika ya Kaskazini –kutopatikana sawa na nchi tajwa.  Baada ya kukumbwa na hayo matatizo hapo juu, nilifikia hitimisho kuwa kuna kitu si cha kawaida nchini.  Ajabu nikiangalia shughuli zinazofanyika nchini sioni cha maana zaidi ya kuandaa mashindano ya kuwalewesha watanzania huku wakitapeliwa.

            Taarifa za hivi karibuni kuwa serikali iliyapiga faini makampuni ya simu kwa kufanya biashara kitapeli ilinizindua kiasi cha kunilazimisha kuandika makala hii. Vyombo vya habari vilimkariri mkurugenzi wa Mamlaka ya Mawasiliano (TCRA) Dk Ally Simba akisema kuwa makampuni ya simu yalikuwa yakitumia ujumbe wa kitapeli na kiulaghai kwenye mitandao. Laiti TCRA ingekujua kuwa utapeli wa makampuni ya simu hauiishii utapeli wa ujumbe bali hata viwango wanavyotoza. Tunadhani hata mitambo mingi iliyofungwa Tanzania ni ya kizamani na isiyofaa kwa matumizi tena ikilinganishwa na nchi jirani. Kuna haja ya kuchunguza hili kwa makini.

            Pia kuna upande hatarishi wa makampuni ya simu kwa afya za watu wetu. Ni Afrika tu ambako minara ya mawasiliano inatumika. Nchi zilizoendelea hutumia setalaiti kuepuka kuathiri afya za watu wake. Afrika, bado inatumia minara tena iliyotapakaa na kujengwa hata kwenye makazi ya binadamu kama ule wa Kunduchi Mbuyuni, Chalinze na maeneo mengine. Ni bahati mbaya kuwa watu wanaoishi karibu na mitambo ile wanaumizwa kwa kansa bila kujua. Je wataalamu wetu waliojazana serikalini hawajui au ni ile hali kuwa wao si waathirika? Kama hawajui utaalamu wao ni wa nini? Ingawa kuna migongano baina ya watafiti wa magonjwa ya binadamu kuhusiana na kama minara inasababisha kansa na mangonjwa mengine hasa kwa akina mama na watoto, huwa sipati jibu ninapoangalia huku jinsi minara inavyowekwa mbali –pale wanapolazimika kuitumia –milimani mbali na makazi ya watu wakati kwa Afrika minara husika inajengwa kwenye makazi ya watu bila kuhofia madhara yanayoweza kutokana na kuwa na minara hii kwenye maeneo ya watu. Kuna haja ya wataalamu wetu kuchunguza bila upendeleo na kuja na majibu juu ya huu utata wa kuruhusu minara ya simu kujengwa kwenye makazi ya watu. Hata ukiachia mbali madhara yanayoweza kutokana na mionzi ya sumu, kuna upande wa pili. Minara mingi ya simu ni mkusanyiko wa vyuma. Je ikititokea mnara husika ukaanguka tutegemee nini kwa wakati wanaoishi karibu nao hasa ikizingatiwa kuwa mingi iko karibu na makazi ya watu?

            Kama minara husika ingekuwa salama –basi hata huku inakochimbuka –ingejengwa sawa na inavyojengwa huko nyumbani. Kuna haja ya serikali kuondosha minara ya simu kwenye makazi ya binadamu bila kungoja madhara makubwa ambayo yataigharimu serikali na watu wake. Pia kuna haja ya kuchunguza viwango vya tozo katika nchi jirani ndipo serikali itagundua madudu na wizi mwingi mkubwa wa makampuni ya simu. Mfano, kampuni ya Primus Canada inatoza dola ya Kikanada 1.298 kwa dakika nikipiga simu kenya wakati kwa Tanzania ninatozwa dola za Kikanada 2.376 wakati Uganda natozwa 1.452. Ukiangalia haraka haraka, Tanzania ndiyo aghali ikilinganishwa na nchi nyingine kwenye ukanda mmoja. Kwanini kama hakuna namna wawekezaji kwenye simu wanavyotulangua?

            Wakati serikali ikiyamulika makampuni ya simu, inapaswa kujimulika pia kuona kama inawatoza kodi kubwa kiasi cha kuwasababishia walaji kutwishwa mzigo au inazidiwa akili kama ilivyokuwa kwenye kashfa za ukwepaji kulipa kodi na ushuru bandarini na kwingineko. Lazima watu watendewe haki ili waweze kuendeleza nchi yao na kujenga mazingira mazuri ya kiuzalishaji na kiuchumi. 

Chanzo: Tanzania Daima, Januari6, 2016. 

Waziri mkuu anapogeuka mwanamuziki

Wa pili kushoto ni waziri mkuu wa zamani wa Kanada, Stephen Harper akiwa na wanamuziki wa kundi lake la  Herringbone baada ya kutumbuiza jijini Toronto hivi karibuni
Baada ya kubwagwa kwenye uchaguzi mkuu uliopita nchini Kanada, waziri mkuu wa zamani Stephen Harper ameamua kuwa mwanamuziki. Napiga picha kuwaona akina Edward Lowassa na Fredrick Sumaye hata Mizengo Pinda wakitumbuiza maeneo ya Manzese jijini Dar. Wenzetu ni wabunifu na wawazi. Hawafichi mapenzi yao hata wakiwa na madaraka makubwa kiasi gani. Wakati Harper akiingia kwenye muziki, Barack Obama anapanga kucheza mpira wa tufe au tenis hata ku-surf kwao Hawaii. Sijui Jakaya Kikwete zaidi ya kuizunguka dunia anapanga kujiburudisha kwa mchezo au tasnia gani. Nadhani Kikwete anafaa kujiunga na vikundi vya maigizo au filamu ili aonyeshe umahiri wake katika usanii, fani aliyoienzi na kuimudu zaidi.

Kijiwe chajadili mjengo wa Uhindini

          Kijiwe kilisherehekea mwaka mpya 2016 kwa furaha isiyo ya kawaida. Hii ni baada ya magazeti ya umbea kuripoti kuwa mahekalu ya mchunaji Gettie Rwakaterehe –hatimaye –yatapigwa chini kwa vile yalijengwa kinyume cha sheria.

            Kapende anainga na gazeti la Danganyika Daima. Mchuguliaji mpenda magazeti analidaka na kuanza kusoma kwa sauti ya juu. Anasoma, “Mahekalu ya mchunaji Rwakaterehe kupigwa chini.”

Kabla ya kuendelea Mijjinga anadakia, “Kwanini mahekalu ya mchunaji tu ambayo hayajawahi kuua mtu zaidi ya kuua sheria si ule mjengo dada wa mjengo uaji wa ugabacholini?” anamkata jicho Kanji ambaye naye anamkata Mijjinga jicho na kutabasamu.

            Msomi Mkatatamaa anaamua kula mic, “Kwa spidi ya Daktari na mwanafunzi mwenzangu Joni Kanywaji –kama hatazimwa au kuishia kuwa nguvu ya soda –hata huo mjengo wako utapigwa chini tu. Ni suala la wakati. Nadhani ninachompenda na kumfahamu my friend Joni ni kwamba he is uncompromisable. Huo mjengo wako utavunjwa tu. Ni suala la muda. Na hapa suala si utavunja wa au la bali ni lini utapigwa chini.”

            Mgosi Machungi anaamua kula mic, “Timefuahi sana kuona kuwa hata wasioguswa sasa wanaguswa. Tinataka sasa tipange mikakati ya kumwabia daktai Kanywaji ashughuikie mashamba mengi yaiyopoa na vigogo wa seikali ziizopita. Hamkusikia juzi eti shamba la Dan Jonah liivamiwa? Haya mashamba nayo yanapaswa kuejeshwa kwa umma. Timechoka na wakubwa vibaka na mibaka. Hata Kiwia ya Nkapa nayo azima iejeshwe na ikiwezekana jamaa atupwe upango.”

            Mipawa aliyekuwa akimalizia kichungi cha sigara kali anaamua kula mic, “Hata mimi nimefurahi kuona hata wakubwa wanaguswa pabaya. Nilidhani zoezi la kubomoa lingeishia Uswazi nisijue litakwenda hadi Uzitoni. Nilidhani kuwa ubomoaji ni kwa ajili ya wanyonge wa mabondeni. Kumbe na wazito nao wanaonja joto ya jiwe siyo. Ama kweli hii ni kutenda haki. Naunga mkono wazo la kurejesha mashamba ya umma yaliyoporwa na vigogo wa sirikali zilizopita.”

            Mheshimiwa Bwege anaamua kukamua, “Tupanue wigo. Lazima na mashirika ya umma kama vile UDA yaliyoibiwa na wezi wenye ushirika na wakubwa yarejeshwe kwa umma. Lazima mikataba yote ya uwekezaji ambayo kimsingi ni ya uchukuaji ifanyiwe marekebisho mara moja ili tuache kugeuzwa shamba la chizi na wezi na washitiri wao wa hapa kayani.”

            Msomi anajerea, “Usemayo mheshimiwa Bwege ni kweli tupu. Nangojea kuona akina Symbion na Dowans bila kusahau Escrow, IpTL watakavyonyolewa bila maji. Lazima hapa tuheshimiane. Haiwezekani tukaendelea kuwa maskini wakati majizi machache yanatuchezea na kutanua wakati sisi tukitanuliwa na matatizo yatokanayo na umaskini.”

          Mpemba ambaye leo amechelewa kutia timu kijiweni anaamua naye kula mic, “Yakhe hakuna kitu kilionifurahisha kama kuona sasa zile zama za Nyerere zikirejea kupita kwa Makufuli. Kuna watu walishajiona wao miungu kiasi cha kudhani kuwa hawawezi kuguswa na sharia. Sasa twangojaona jinsi wauza bwimbwi watavoshughulikiwa sawa na mafisi na mafisadi tunaoona wakihaha sasa.”

            Mijjinga anakula mic tena, “Tena ami umenikumbusha. Juzi nilisikia waduwanzi wakisema eti katika ubomoaji wa nyumba zilizojengwa kinyume cha sheria lazima sirikali ilinde nyumba za ibada. Kwani kazi ya sirikali ni kulinda nyumba za ibada au sheria? Kama kuna nyumba za ibada zilizojengwa kinyume cha sheria lazima zipigwe chini. Kwani nyumba zinapaswa kufuata sheria lakini siyo sheria kufuata nyumba za ibada.”

            Msomi anarejea, “Usemayo Mijjinga ni kweli. Hapa suala si nyumba za ibada au ada bali kufuata sheria. Nyumba za ibada zilizojengwa na wachunaji kama huyu Rwakatarehe si za ibada bali maduku ya kuwachuuzia na kuwaibia makapuku wetu wajinga.  Wakati mwingine unashindwa kutofautisha kati ya uganga wa kienyeji na uchunaji wa siku hizi. Hamkusikia waganganjaa wanavyowaibiwa wachovu kwa kutumia Quantum Magnetic Analyzer wakati ni utapeli mtupu? Hawa nao wanapaswa kubomolewa biashara zao kwa kuzifunga kwani wanaeneza magonjwa na kuwaibia wachovu. Tangu lini mganga wa kienyeji akatumia vifaa vya kisasa? Ukianza kutumia vifaa vya kisasa unakoma kuwa mganga wa kienyeji na kuwa mganga wa kisasa ambaye anapaswa asomee. Tulidhani wangeendelea kutumia matunguli. Lakini baada ya kugundua kuwa matunguli yameishastukiwa nao wanajifanya madaktari wakati ni matapeli wa kawaida. Hawa nao lazima wapigwe chini.”

            Sofia Lion aka Kanungaemba anakula mic, “Msomi usinikumbushe hawa wana hizaya wasio na huruma. Waliniibia pesa nyingi wakati mwanangu anaumwa nyumonia kiasi cha kutaka kusababisha nimpoteze kwenye ujinga na utapeli wao. Kila nikienda wanampima na hiyo kwantumu yao na kuniambia ana matatizo ya vitamin wakati tatizo ilikuwa nyumonia. Sina hamu nao. Hawa wanapaswa hata kupigwa risasi. Hawana tofauti na majambazi yanayobomoa majumba.”

            Kanji naye anaamua kula mic, “Hii ganga kienyeji naibia jinga jinga tu.” Kabla ya kuendela Sofia anamchomekea, “Kanji unadiriki kuniita mjinga!”

            Kanji anajibu huku akicheka, “Kwani jinga tusi? Jinga ni ile hapa jua kitu fulanifulani kama veve ilipopeleka toto kwa tapeli ya Quantum Magnetic Analyzer. Kwani natumia magnetic analyze veve iko madini? Hiyo ndiyo jinga ongelea mimi dada yangu.”

            Kijiwe kikiwa kinanoga si likapita shumbwengu la Rwakatarehe. Acha tumpongeze kwa kubomolewa mahekalu yake! Waligeuza kaya yetu shamba la bibi na wakome.

Chanzo: Tanzania Daima Januari 6, 2016.

How many unknown EGMA are out there?

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     Let us start with wishing everybody a very spiffy new year 2016 that saw our hunk having a very brand new responsible government under JPM. If anything, the year 2016 is the year of change. This year marks the end of business as usual for those who were wantonly robbing the boozers. What’s more, this year is the year of unscrambling the netherworld of graft in Bongo that’s ring a bell in my head. After becoming aware of the existence of specious companies that belong to bigwigs working with the govt, one question struck mind. How many such like companies are out there? The so-called Engineered Graft and Mali Amassing (EGMAs) seem to make more dosh than employment. I, for one, have assigned myself the duty of unearthing these economic vampires so that they can face the music. Boozers are saying enough is enough. They are committed to helping Dr. Kanywaji to see to it that everybody is living according to his sweat but not by sucking the sweat and the blood of others as it was under Njaa Kaya who turned our hunk into shamba la bibi or No Man’s Land.

            Given that in Bongolalaland any quack can make a killing, I am intending to form a mannered company so that I can rake some dosh in by investigating other EGMAs. I, therefore, submit that soon I’ll form my EGMA as a consultancy company especially for those who want to evade tax not to forget all those involved in capital flight. So, too, my company will pretend that it helps businessperson to get their consignments out of the harbour without paying even a dime.

            To make sure that I am becoming super rich overnight by robbing robbers, I’m going to form an religious group known as Baraza la Kuula Tanzania (BAKUTA) or Evangelical of God for Messianic Assembly (EGMA) so that I can use it to deceive all belief-based outfits that used to enjoy tax holidays just like others I heard purporting they imported vehicles that have never been seen anywhere except in their pockets.

            After my rip off tools against robbers starts to pay dividends for my creativity, I’ll by a chopper that’ll pretend to offer to those opposing Dr. Kanywaji in the coming general elections. I’ll convince them that Dr. Kanywaji will lose squarely in the next general elections so that robbers can resume their missions as it was under the former regimes that were dupable and cool as far as robbing the hunk is concerned.

            Being the smartest chap on earth, I will make sure that my business in the name of God Almighty won’t be touched by any bin-Adam be he or she president, Premier or a taxman. If you live in smart hunk where individual are rich than the govt, you must learn how to use the govt to make dosh.  Again, for me things are different. I know the powers that be are bankrupt. This is why I’ve decided to form companies that’ll fleece the robbers in the hunk where every conman and con woman can easily make a killing. With my religious tools, I’ll act like missionaries during colonial era. I’ll pretend to pray for robbers while I actually investigate them and pass on their information to the govt so that they can be crucified just like our people were during the colonial era.

            To seal the deal, I’ll touch base with Dr. Kanywaji to tell him how committed I’m when it comes to helping him to cleanse the hunk. I’m sure he’ll buy into my plans of changing the hunk from a robbed one to a prosperous one.  First of all, I’ll want to know how many bogus companies are out there. Secondly, I’d like to know all biggies behind these companies so that we can jail them for life after nationalizing all mammon they amassed by robbing the pauperized boozers. To begin with, for the month of January, I’ll dig in the underground business empires that belong to dudes such as Eddie Ewasa, Rush Baddie, Hurry Kitilia, Nizero Kadamage, Riz and Sal Kiquette, Ben and Annie Makapi not to forget Alie Huss Muinyi and other biggies I’m sure are running the rings of robbers because they waged great power in the hunk. My trap will spare no thief. Even those using lobes to rob us will be a fair game as far as my set-up is concerned. While boozers are aiming at exploring the future mine will be to explore the past from the day mzee Mchonga hanged the boots.

            Though this is a boozer project, to make is successful for the benefit of all boozers and Bongolalalanders please we ask all victims to volunteer information so that we can put a stop on criminality that’s pauperized our earthlings in this hunk. I therefore submit that this project isn’t mine but yours. So, whenever you volunteer info you are ushering your prosperity in.
Source: Guardian, Jan., 3, 2016.

Uenyekiti CCM:Kikwete uliachiwa muachie Magufuli

             Baada ya rais Jakaya Kikwete kustaafu na kuendelea kuwa mwenyekiti wa Chama Cha Mapindizi (CCM) mengi yameanza kusemwa ya maana na yasiyo ya maana. Yanasemwa mengi baada ya kupatikana rais mpya Dk John Pombe Magufuli ambaye –kutokana na spidi yake ya kupambana na maouvu na uzembe –wangetaka apewa rungu la mwenyekiti wa CCM ili asafishe taifa na kulirejesha kwenye mstari kama lilivyokuwa wakati wa marehemu baba wa taifa Mwalimu Julius Nyerere.  Baadhi ya vyombo vya habari vimeishaandika kuwa CCM inapanga kuchelewesha utaratibu uliozoeleka tangu zama za baba wa taifa Mwl Nyerere wa kuachiana wenyekiti wa chama kabla ya kufikia mwisho ili kumwezesha rais ambaye pia anakuwa mwenyekiti wa chama kuteleza mipango na ahadi zake.

            Kwa kuelewa na kutambua umuhimu wa nyadhifa hizi mbili, rais na mwenyekiti, Mwl Nyerere aliamua kwa hiari kumwachia mrithi wake Ali Hassan Mwinyi ili avae kofia mbili na kupanga nguvu za kukamilisha aliyopanga kwa taifa. Kwa busara zake, baada ya Mwl kuwa akimshauri baadhi ya mambo Mwinyi ambayo wengi waliona kama alikuwa akimwingilia kwenye madaraka yake au kutaka kutawala kupitia mlango wa nyuma, alianzisha utaratibu wa kuachia madaraka kabla ya wakati wake ili kumpa mrithi wake fursa ya kufanya na kutekeleza yale aliyokuwa ameyapanga.  Pia, Mwl Nyerere aliepuka mgongano unaoweza kutokea baina ya rais na mwenyekiti wa chama chake. Hivyo, hata baada ya Mwinyi kuingia na kustaafu –kwa lengo hilo hilo la kuepuka mganganyiko na kufanikisha malengo ya chama na ya rais –alimuachia mrithi wake Benjami Mkapa aliyemuachia rais mstaafu Jakaya Kikwete ambaye anaonekana kunogewa na uenyekiti kiasi cha kuruhusu mengi yasemwe bila kuachia madaraka wala kutoa ufafanuzi. Wengi wanauliza anahofia nini au kunani?  Wasio na subira au wenye wasi wasi kuwa kuna watu wa ndani ya chama wanaotaka kumkwamisha au kuogopa kasi ya rais Magufuli wameishaanza kusema mengi na wengine kuuliza: “Sasa unangoja au unaogopa nini kumwachia ukanda Magufuli ili afanikishe mipango yake kama rais na kutimiza ahadi zake ambazo kimsingi ni za chama?”

            Kuondoa dhana potofu kuwa Kikwete anaogopa mabaya yake yasifuchuke, anapaswa kuendeleza utaratibu wa kuachiana uenyekiti ili kumpa nguvu na uwezo Dk Magufuli kuikomboa nchi iliyokuwa imezama kwenye uhovyo, ufisadi, uvivu na ujinga bila sababu ya msingi. Kikwete nimjuaye ni jasiri. Hivyo, asikubali kuonekana fisadi au mhalifu kwa kuogopa kuacha uenyekiti kwa Magufuli ili atekeleze ahadi zake. Ninaamini Kikwete aliangushwa na wasaidizi wake. Hivyo, si vibaya kutoa fursa ili mambo yarejee kwenye mstari. Uzuri ni kwamba hata Magufuli analijua hili na aliwahi kulitamka wazi alipomlaumu Kikwete kwa kula na wanafiki tokana na huruma yake. Kwa vile Kikwete ametamka wazi wazi kuwa anaunga mkono juhudi za Magufuli –ili asionekane mnafiki na muongo –wapo wanaosema amwachie uenyekiti Magufuli ili arekebishe chama na taifa kwa mpigo.

            Japo Kikwete ana haki ya kuendelea kuwa mwenyekiti hadi ukomo wake wa kikatiba, kuna uwezekano kuwa ung’ang’anizi na ukiukaji wake wa utaratibu uliozoeleka ima kumchelewesha rais au kuzua kutokuelewana kiasi cha wawili kukwamishana –kama itatokea. Hali hii, hata hivyo, inaweza kuwa na madhara mabaya kwa Kikwete zaidi ya Magufuli hasa tukizingiatia mambo mawili. Mosi, rais wa Tanzania ana nguvu nyingi kikatiba kuliko mwenyekiti wa chama tawala. Pili, tukirejea kilichotokea nchi jirani ya Malawi pale rais mstaafu Bakili Muluzi alipotaka kutumia uenyekiti wa chama tawala kumkwamisha mrithi wake marehemu Bingu wa Muthrika. Nini kilitokea? Rais alitumia umaarufu na madaraka yake kuanzisha chama chake na kukihama chama kilichomwingiza madarakani kiasi cha kukiua kirahisi. Tuombe Mungu ili lisotokee. Na hapa jibu si kuomba Mungu bali kumshauri Kikwete amwachie uenyekiti wa CCM Magufuli ili afanikishe mipango yake ambayo pia ina tija kwa chama chake hasa ikizingatiwa kuwa maandilizi ya uchaguzi ujao ndiyo yanaanza pindipo rais mpya anapoapishwa.

            Kama Kikwete ataamua kumaliza muda wake na kufanya hivyo kukawa kikwazo kwa mipango ya Magufuli kuna sababu moja au mbili za kutegemea kilichotokea Malawi kwa sababu Kikwete hana mpango wa kugombea tena urais. Hivyo, hana sababu yoyote ya msingi ya kuendelea kuwa mwenyekiti vinginevyo kuwapo na mambo mengine nyuma ya pazia kama wabaya wake wanavyodai ambayo anataka yasifichuke. Kwanza, Magufuli kwa sasa anakubalika kuliko watangulizi wake isipokuwa baba wa taifa. Pili, Magufuli si mtu aliyepata urais kwa kismati. Alijiandaa kwa muda mrefu. Tatu, Magufuli si mbabaishaji wala mtafuta sifa. Ana malengo ya mbali na mapenzi makubwa kwa taifa –kama hatabadilika au kukwamishwa na huu mgawanyo wa madaraka.  Hata hivyo, kwa udhubutu wake, spidi yake, sera zake na tabia yake, Magufuli si mtu wa kushindwa kirahisi. Hivyo–kama Kikwete atang’ang’ania –lolote laweza kutokea ambapo mwenye kupoteza atakuwa CCM na Kikwete zaidi ya Magufuli.

            Tuhitimishe kwa kumtaka Kikwete ima aendeleze utaratibu alioukuta au atoe angalau maelezo ni kwanini anataka kuupinda utaratibu uliozoeleka. Tunaamini hatawapa nafasi wakosoaji wake kuendelea kudai kuwa anaogopa mabaya yake yasifumliwe akaishia pakanga.

Chanzo: Tanzania Daima, Januari 3, 2016.

Mlevi aaga, atafsiri na kukaribisha mwaka

      Japo mlevi si muumini wa dini yoyote zaidi ya ulabu na mibangi, anamshukuru Subhanna kuumaliza na kuanza mwaka bila ya kuuawa na mibangi na mma ukiachia mbali kutotupwa lupango kwa kusakiziwa kesi feki na ndata. Siku hizi ndata nao wanaipatapata hasa wanapofikiria kasi ya kufichua ufisadi ambao wengi wao wanaufanya na kuwa matajiri wakati mishahara yao ni kiduchu.

             Pia anachukua fursa hii kumtakia mafanikio rahis mpya mwenye mapya, Dk Joni Kanywaji Makufuli, kuingia na kasi ya kuridhisha. Dua hizi ni zinatoka moyoni na ni za dhati. Mimi si kama matapeli wanaojitia kumuombea Dk Kanywaji na kaya wakati wanachofanya ni kutafuta ukaribu naye ili awape ulaji. Mie mibangi na mipombe yangu inanitosha. Kwa Dk Kanywaji wamekwama. Si mpenda sifa.

            Pia nachukua fursa hii kumshukuru Kahari kuniwezesha kushiriki uchaguzi wa maana ulioleta kidume aliyerejesha heshima ambapo sasa mambo yanaanza kubadilika. Nazidi kuomba ipatikane haki badala ya kuwa imemilkiwa na wakubwa na mafisadi huku wakituacha walevi tukipigika bila sababu tokana na ukwapuzi na uzembe wao.

            Nimshukuru God kwa kutuwezesha kuachana na utawala kidhabi uliopita. Maana uliigeuza kaya yetu danguro la mafisadi na shamba la chizi. Nichukue fursa hii kushukuru kwa kunusurika kutawaliwa na fisadi aliyetuachia machungu baada ya kuua upinzani tokana na upogo na uchoyo na uroho wa wakubwa wake wachache wasioona zaidi ya usawa wa matumbo na pua zao. Sipati picha kama tungepata fisadi mwingine aliyebadili chama baada ya fisadi wa chama kikongwe hali yetu ingekuwaje. Ama kweli Mungu si Mlevi! Alhamdullillahi aametuvusha salama kwa kupata kifaa au jembe la “Hapa kazi tu.”

            Habari mbaya ni kwamba mlevi alibomolewa mjengo wake kule kwenye bonde la Mkwajuni tokana na kuingizwa mjini na mafisadi waliomuuzia kiwanja kumbe kanyabwoya.

            Mwaka uliopita ulikuwa mgumu kwa mlevi kutokana na kasi ya Dk Kanywaji kumkumba mfadhili wake aliyezoea kumpa ofa za mapupu bangi na kanywaji. Hata  hivyo, hajutii sana. Kwani uwajibikaji na maadili yakirejea kwa kuondoa madili huenda naye akakomaa na kuukata.

             Baada ya kutoa tathmini binafsi ya mlevi, ngoja nizame kwenye matarajio ya mwaka mpya. Kwanza, mambo makubwa yatatokea ambapo kaya itarejea kwenye mstari na kila mlevi atakula na kunywa jasho lake. Waliozoea kuja kujiibia watakavyo wakishirikiana na panya na mchwa wa kayani sasa watakoma. Hakuna kilichokuwa kinaniumiza kama kuona kaya iliyojaliwa neema lukuki kuombaomba huku magabacholi, sorry wachukuaji wakichukua na kwenda kuneemesha kwao.

            Tokana na kasi ya Dk Kanywaji, nashauri ahakikishe mibaka, vibaka, mafisadi, mchwa, makuadi, panya na wote waliokuwa wakitukwamisha wanafilisiwa na kufia lupango.

            Pili, namshauri abadili mfumo wote hasa kwa kuanzisha mchakato wa Katiba Mpya ili malengo yake yawe na ulinzi na uhalali kisheria ukiachia mbali kuwa endelevu. Lazima tuheshimiane. Tumechoka na wezi kutukoga kwa utajiri waliouchuma kwa kutuibia.

            Mwaka mpya utaanza na mambo mapya kama vile:

            Walevi wote kutakiwa kutaja umaskini na utajiri wao kaya nzima. Pili, walevi watachapa kazi hata kama ni kwa kuogopa spidi ya Dk Kanywaji na kaya itasonga mbele.  Mfano, wale waliozoea kugeuza ofisi za umma vijiwe na vijiko vya kuchotea ulaji wasahau kabisa. Wapenda kuzurura ughaibuni wakilipana per diem kiama chao kinaanza. Walioficha njuluku Uswizi wakae mkao wa kuliwa. Wote wenye utajiri wa kutia shaka lazima watie maji vichwani. Wauza bwimbwi watatangaziwa kiama muda si mrefu.

            Habari njema, heshima na uchumi wa kaya vitaumka kama vile vimwekwa hamira. Wale waliokuwa wakijiona ni untouchable wakimilki ukwasi wa kaya na kuutoroshea nje wakae mkao wa kuliwa. Misheni town wote waliozoea kushinda bandari wakikuwadia maadui wa uchumi wetu wataanza kuuza nyanya. Jingine la kushangilia ni kwamba vyanzo vyetu vya maji vitakuwa salama ukiachia mbali miji yetu kuanza kuwa na mpangilio.

            Utabiri: Japo mlevi si tapeli kama wale wanaojifanya watabiri, acha atabiri kidogo. Mwaka unaoanza utaanza upya na mambo mapya ambapo hata wale usiotegemea kuguswa waliochezea dhamana zao kwa umma kuanzia nambari wani hadi chini wataguswa na kutikiswa. Pili, maisha ya walevi yatabadilika na kuboreka huku ya wale waliozoea kuiba yakizidi kuwa mabaya. Kiwango cha uombaomba kitapungua kiasi cha wafadhili kuanza kulalamika kwanini wakubwa wetu hawaendi kuwaramba makalio kama ilivyokuwa kwenye awamu tatu zilizopita.

            Mwisho, natabiri kuwa wakuu wengi wa mashirika, ubalozi, wilaya, mikoa na popote kwenye ulaji walioteuliwa kishikaji wataporomoka kama nyumba ya karata. Dk Kanywaji atafanya vitu ambavyo havikuwahi kushuhudiwa kwa zaidi ya miaka 30 tangu mzee Mchonga (Mungu amrehemu) alipotundika daruga.

            Kwa ufupi ni kwamba mwaka 2016 ni mwaka wa Danganyika kurejea kwenye hadhi.

Chanzo: Nipashe Januari 2, 2016.