Kiquette: True, presidency is a “tough” job

When some news breaks leaves your heart broken. The other day I was at our eatery at Uwanja wa Hyena devouring some visceral and trimmings expecting to go for kanywaji and ganja aka msokoto. I can see that fella laughing especially after reading my menu of offal. Do you think I’m alone in this business of insanity? Wait.

Sometimes you wonder about the world boozers live in.  We swiggers wonder if politicians live in this world we all live in. They say things that need the courage of the mad. I don’t mean they tell lies even if they do. This is why politics is called usanii or abracadabra. The other day Jake Kiquette bumfuzzled me alleging that Bongolalanland’s presidency is a tough, rough and sucking job. Really?! Yeah. Sucking others is not cool for them.

Jake knew how to choose his spot. For, he said that presidency –for him –was a tough job when he’s in the country of Joji Kichaka at Woodrow Wilson International Centre for Scholars. Interestingly an unscholarly doc speaks to scholars! He knew too well. If he said this in Bongo, he’d be booed and cooed. He said eti presidency –especially of Bongolalaland –is a hard job. Hey folks, giddyap. There’s nothing easy like ruling uncomplaining and unsuspecting Bongolalanders. First, they forget easily. Refer to scams that left them screwed up like escrow and other mega ones involving the high and the mighty. Remember how the draft constitution was slain merciless and stupidly? One boozer whom we call Snake Andrew used to call Bongo the land of the  insane,the  blind and the  forgetful.

Again, was Jake right or wrong to say that ulaji is a heck of a thing? Surely, eating for free with hands and legs without even washing them is not that easy. You’re always guilty so as to ensconce yourself amidst body guards and bouncers. Do you know why these folks are always overprotected? Now you know. Keep this info till Election Day and use it well to decide whom you’ll want to piggyback on your resources and tax come next season for appointing a chief eater.

Just imagine. Once you become head you make sure that your wife, friends and courtier, and you crisscross the world to enjoy as tax payers pick up the tab. You globetrot till some folks baptize you Vasco da Gama to signify that you can win the prize of globetrotting. Is this tough really? Indeed, eating with both hands and legs without washing them after taking a dip in a gravy train is a tough job especially competing with the richest first raider, sorry rider, sorry lady who used to be a pauper before you got to power.

If presidency were a tough job, goons and freaks like Joseph Desire Mobutu, Idd Amin, Sani Abacha and Jean-Bedel Bokassa and other crooks would not have stayed in power even for a single day. See, everybody can become president and eat free and unaccountably just like others who try to put a spin on this naked truth claiming that the job is tough while it is as easy as ABC.

Again, Jake is not the first eater to say that eating is a tough job. Ben Dugong aka Nkapa said the same after lapsing his brutal phase. An interesting thing about these folks is their detachment with time and reality thinking they know more than others. Methinks, only one person deserves to say that presidency is a tough job. This is none other than iconic mzee Mchonga who used his presidency to make other eat instead of eating them as it currently is. Mchonga’s presidency’s tough, holy and ever demanding especially, laying the foundation for whatever laughing hyenas are now wolfing. By then ikulu was the holy of the holy not now it’s become “a den of robbers” where hyenas, wolves and all bête noirs congregate to do their monkey business.

Under Mchonga, the president was a leader not a ruler. He’d to shape the vision of the nation. The president was the father of the hunk but not a thug of it as it currently is. Guess what. Under Mchonga corruption was a crime not a rewarding thing as it currently is whereby escrow thugs are in bed with the high and the mighty. Say not I’m making this up. If they’re not in the same bed, do you think they’d been free making more killings? Again, this is Bongolalaland of the blind, insanity, and stupid where the high priests of graft go scot-free.

Presidency becomes even easier for people without conscience and vision. Myopic and greedy as they’re, they use their intestines to think in lieu of brains. Can you expect any true and sensible thing from them while they actually use their bums to think in lieu of heads? Being a kind of boozers of Bongolalaland has nary been a demanding job. This position gives you the power of making all sorts of errors as you commit as many crimes as possible without being brought to books or being thrown behind bars.

Source: Guardian April 19, 2015.