Kijiwe chapendekeza nigombee urahis

          Baada ya kushudia mshike mshike, kasheshe na patashika ambapo kila mtu anautaka urahis wa kaya hii, Kijiwe kwa taadhima kimeniomba nigombee urahis. Sambamba nami, Kijiwe kimependekeza Msomi Mkata tamaa awe mgombea wangu mwenza huku Mijjinga akipewa cheo cha waziri mkuu kama tutatoboa. Pia kwa vile urahis ni ufalme wa mlango wa nyuma, Kijiwe kimenipa jukumu la kuhakikisha wanakijiwe wote wanapata ulaji kuanzia ubalozi, uwaziri, ubunge wa kuteuliwa, ukuu mkoa na wilaya na ujumbe kwenye bodi za ulaji.

          Mgosi Machungi ndiye aliyetoa hoja hii. Analianzisha, “Jamani, nadhani sote timeona jinsi mafisi mafisadi hata na vigetemezi vyao wakiwania kutitawaaa. Kwa vie nasi hatiko nyuma, napendekeza titeue mwenzetu mmoja agombee na asiwe mwingine ila Mzee Mpayukaji.” Ananiangalia kwa kutabasamu nami natikisa kichwa na kutabasamu.

          “Usemayo ya kweli ntupu. Maana naona hata vitoto vilivo na nepi eti navyo vyautaka! Wallahi sasa imekuwa fujo tupuu. Heri nasi tuwe na ntu wetu ati.” Anachangia Mpemba huku akitabasamu na kukamua kahawa yake.

          Kapende anatia timu, “Wazo hili la mbolea na hapa mahala mwake. Maana hatuwezi kuruhusu vikongwe vilivyokwishaishiwa, vichanga vilivyovaa nepi tena za kununuliwa na wazazi wake vigombee nasi tuwe watazamaji. Mkiogopa mie nitajitosa muda si mrefu. Hata hivyo, namuunga mkono mzee Mzima najua atatuvusha walipotuzamisha hawa wajalaana wanaojitiatia na kujiletaleta wakati tulishawastukia.”

          “Kwa hali ilivyo, tukiteua mchovu mwenye sifa kama mzee Mpayukaji bila shaka tutapeta na kupetuka hasa usawa huu ambapo Chama cha Mafisi na Mafisadi (CcMM) kimeshikwa pabaya tokana na kila mmoja kuutaka ulaji rahisi kupitia urahis.” Anachomekea Mzee Maneno.

          “Naungana nawe mia kwa mia. Wale hawana sera zaidi ya sera moja tu yaani vurugu za kifisadi. Kwa vile sisi tunajulikana tangu zama na enzi, tuna uwezekano mkubwa wa kukamata Dola halafu tukalaga madola au vipi?” Anasema Mipawa.

          Mheshimiwa Bwege anakatua mic, “Kama sura mzee unayo tena ya nguvu.” Ananigeukia na kusema, “Wewe ni bonge la handsome tena asiyechekacheka wala kupayuka hovyo. Kama ni elimu wewe ni profesa na kama ni sera, wewe ndiyo alpha na omega hapa kayani maana hata machache waliyofanya hawa waduwanzi wameiba na kukopi sera zako hapa Kijiweni. Tusiruhusu hawa wafanya vurugu na mafisadi na vichanga watujazie mbu. Zao zilishapita zama gani?”

          Msomi Mkatatamaa aliyekuwa anamtext mtu wake anakatua mic, “Nilikuwa nawaza kutoa hili wazo. Mgosi ameniwahi. Hata hivyo, hakuna tatizo. Nakubaliana na michango ya wajumbe kuwa lazima tujiandae kuchukua kaya. Napendekeza tuwakaribishe na wapingaji watuunge mkono tuchukue hii kitu ili tuonyeshe nini maana ya dhana nzima ya utawala bora na wa sheria. Lazima tukuchukue hii kitu na kuwatupilia lupango hawa mafisi na mafisadi wanaokula kaya kiasi cha kula kwa miguu na mikono huku –kama mainzi –wakitapika, kunonihino na kuogelea kwenye sahani hiyo hiyo wanamokula.”

          Anapiga chafya na kuendelea, “Hatuwezi kuacha huu upuuzi ukaendelea. Hivyo, basi lazima tujiandae kuzungukia vijiwe vyote kuhakikisha kila mmoja anapiga kampeni na kushinda ki-Tsunami.”

Sofia Lion aka Kunungaembe hangoji. Anamchomekea Msomi, “Kumbe sera zenu ni za kulipiza visasi! Nilidhani mna sera lau za kuendeleza kaya kumbe mambo yenyewe michosho!”

          Kabla ya kuendelea, Mbwamwitu anamchomekea Sofi, “Da Sofi hapa umepoteza pwenti. Hivi ulidhani unaweza kusafisha nyumba kwa kusukumizia uchafu ndani au nje?”

          Kabla ya kuendelea Mijjinga anachomekea, “Sidhani kama Sofi amemuelewa Msomi. Tunachofanya hapa ni kutaka kuondoa ufisadi once and for all. Hivyo, lazima afungwe ngurumbili hapa. Hivyo, hatutaomba msamaha kwa hili sana sana kulitekeleza tena ndani ya siku mia za kuwa kwenye ulaji.”

          Kanji naye hajivungi. Anachomekea. Maana leo ni siku ya kuchomekeana kama vile mafisadi wanavyochomekeana wakitafuta urahis. Anakula mic, “Hebu seme kweli jamani. Je veve naweza kamata fisadi yote natupa lupango? Kwanini hapana samehe yeye dugu yangu?”

          “Kanji isitake kitiudhi. Eti tiwasamehe? Kama kusamehe dii basi kasamehe Bombei akini si kwenye kaya hii. Dawa ya inzi ni kumuua ili asiozeshe kidonda.” Machungi anaongea kwa ukali kidogo huku akitupa kipisi cha sigara kali.

          “Kama sera zenyewe ndiyo hizi hampati kitu ng’oo.” Anasema Sofi kama mtu anayezodoa.

          Kapende anamchomekea, “Wewe ukitunyima wengine watatupa. Bania usibanie wapo wanaotuzimia na kutuelewa. Hivyo, ngoma lazima isonge na washenzi wote na majambazi lazima waipate utake usitake utoe usitoe.”

          “Mheshimiwa inatosha. Hiyo dozi uliyompa da Sofi nadhani inamtosha.” Anachomekea mzee Maneno.

          Wakati nikiwa sina hili wala lile si Msomi akanigutua! Alisema, “Mzee sasa mpira uko kwako.” Alinikazia macho na kuendelea, “Lazima tuanze kujipanga lau tuwakomboe wachovu na walevi. Hivyo, ningeshauri tukitoka hapa tukutane mimi nawe ili tuweze kuangalia vipaumbele, sera, hali halisi na mambo mengine hasa namna ya kutumia mitifuano ya mafisi kuwamaliza. Hapa tunamkaanga samaki kwa mafuta yake au vipi?”

          Kabla hata sijajibu si ikaji misafara ya watangaza nia wakitaka tuwadhamini. Tuliwarushia vikombe vya kahawa wakatimka kama vibaka.

          Ndipo Mbwamwitu akasema. “Kum…nina zenu wana hizaya nyie mna bahati tungewafanyia kitu mbaya.”

Chanzo: Tanzania Daima Juni 17, 2015.

CCM imseshikwa pabaya muhula huu

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          Hukuna ubishi CCM sasa iko pabaya na imeshikwa pabaya. Yanayoendelea kwenye kuusaka kuteuliwa na chama kwa watangaza nia kumrithi rais Jakaya Kikwete ni ushahidi tosha kuwa chama hiki kiko chumba cha wagonjwa mahututi (ICU) kinapumulia mashine. Chama kimeparaganyika. Hakina hata mtu wa kuweza kuwakaripia wanaovurugana na kuvuana nguo hadharani. Ushahidi wa namna watangaza nia wanavyoshambuliana na kumkosoa rais anayeondoka uko katika kila matamko.  Hawana nidhamu tena. Kila mtu anacheza ngoma yake kivyake na wakati wake.

          Kwa kuchanganyikiwa na kuparaganyikiwa kama walivyo, CCM wamekuwa kama kambale ambapo kila mmoja ana sharubu huku wote wakiwa kwenye kokolo liitwalo CCM ambalo hukumbakumba kila kitu kuanzia samaki hadi mamba na kenge. Japo demokrasia ni ushindani wa hoja ili kuonyesha wapiga kura kuwa mhusika anafaa, kwa CCM si hivyo. Kuna mitandao haramu ya kimaslahi ambayo bila shaka ndiyo itapigilia msumari wa mwisho kwenye jeneza litakaloizika CCM. Kutokana na mitandao hii ya ulaji, tumeshuhudia hata wale tuliodhani ni wakongwe tena wanafunzi wazuri wa Marehemu baba wa taifa Mwl. Julius Nyerere wakigeuka nepi za watangaza nia wenye si mabaka tu bali mizigo ya kashfa nyingi tu. Kwa mfano, unajiuliza swali ambalo jibu lake linakuwa gumu. Hivi –kwa mfano –Kingunge Ngombale-Mwiru alikumbwa na nini hadi akampitisha na kupigia debe Lowassa zaidi ya kupinga kile alichowaaminisha watanzania kuwa alikuwa akikipigania? Je ni uzee au njaa au sumu ya mitandao ambapo chama kimegawanyika kwenye vyama vya upinzani vya ndani yaani mitandao ya kimaslahi? Je nani alaumiwe kwa uoza huu zaidi ya mwenyekiti wa CCM rais Kikwete ambaye alianzisha mitandao hii mwaka 1995?

 Rushwa inatembea wazi wazi. Kwa ufupi ni kwamba CCM imekosa mtu wa kukemea. Akina Kingunge tuliowategemea sasa wameishalishwa lilmbwata.

          Hakuna sehemu CCM iliponiacha hoi kama kuja na sifa na vigezo vya kumpata atakayepeperusha bendera. Unashangaa. CCM yenyewe inayoweka hizi sifa au vigezo haina sifa hata moja. Huu naona ni unafiki wa aina yake. Kwa niijuavyo CCM, haina mtu hata nusu mwenye kufaa kuwa rais hata kutokana na yanayozidi kufichuliwa ukiachia mbali kuwa na rekodi mbovu kiuongozi na utendaji. Tangu CCM ilipowekwa mifukoni mwa mafisadi, nadhani ilikufa na kifo cha Nyerere ambaye angalau alikuwa akikaripia.  Ukitaka kujua CCM ilivyoisha na kuishiwa angalia wanavyonangana kwa sasa. Ni kama mchezo wa kuigiza ingawa mwisho wa situ watashikamana baada ya kuhujumiana na kujeruhiana.

          Mtifuano ndani ya CCM ni ushahidi kuwa inapwa na imeisha na kuishiwa bila kusahau kupwaya kwa mwenyekiti wake. Anayejaribu kufurukuta ni katibu mkuu Abdulrahaman Kinana ambaye kila siku yuko kiguu na njia akitangaza chama mikoani. Kwanini sasa wakati wa kuelekea uchaguzi? Hii maana yake ni kwamba CCM iliwatelekeza wananchi kiasi cha kuisahau. Imewakumbuka wakati huu inapotaka kura kutoka kwao. Baada ya kuipata itaanza kula kama kawaida ikiwaacha Solemba.

          Ukimtathmini Kinana na kashfa yake ya kusafirisha vipusa nje, huoni kama ataleta mageuzi wala lolote la maana zaidi ya kula fedha ya chama kwa ziara zisizo na tija.  Sijui kama Kinana –kwa mfano –ana udhu wa kutosha kumwambia mtu kama Edward Lowassa kuwa hafai kwa vile ana kashfa ya Richmond shingoni mwake. Sijui kama Kinana anaweza kumtokea mtu kama Wiliam Ngeleja kuwa alitimliwa kutokana na kuwa mzigo au January Makamba kuwa anatumia jina la baba yake na hana lolote. Sijui kama Lowassa anaweza kumvaa mtu kama Stephen Wassira na kumpa kuwa haaminiki zaidi ya kusaka maslahi kama alivyofanya wakati alipotimkia NCCR-Mageuzi. Kwa lugha rahisi CCM sasa ni kama vyura kwenye dimbwi. Kila mmoja anaimba yangu yangu wakati hana lake.

          Hata karipio la Philip Mangula kuwa wanaotangaza nia wanapoteza muda haliingii akilini wakati chama kimeshindwa kuwazuia. Ukiangalia watu ambao wangeweza kuwa na ushawishi kiasi cha kuleta nidhamu chamani kama Fredrick Sumaye nao wamo wakisaka urais kana kwamba miaka kumi aliyokaa madarakni haitoshi.

          Kwa hali ilivyo ndani ya CCM, kama ikitokea kikashinda uchaguzi ujao basi lazima mambo mawili yatokee kwa pamoja au mojawap. Ima itokee miujiza au wachakachue kama walivyozoea. Kwa walivyo uchi sidhani kama wanaweza kuchaguliwa hata na ndege achilia mbali binadamu tena watanzania.  Maana badala ya kutangaza sera zao, kila mmoja amegeuza sera kuwa yeye. Anajitangaza kwa vigezo vyake uchwara huku akikwepa kujibu maswali muhimu kama ilivyobainika walipokacha mdahalo ambapo mwenyekiti wake Ali Mfuruki alikaririwa akisema kuwa baada ya wahusika kujua aina ya maswali ambayo wangepaswa kujibu waliamua kujitoa kama ushahidi kuwa hawana sera wala mpango wowote wa kutawala zaidi ya maslahi binafsi. Mfuruki alisema kuwa kila mtangaza nia alitakiwa kujibu maswali manne ya uchumi na manne ya utawala bora na utawala wa sheria na ya aina moja. Je watu wanaokimbia hata mdahalo ambao ungewasaidia kuonyesha makali na sera zao wana jipya la kulifanyia taifa? Ama kweli CCM imeshikwa pabaya tena ikiwa haina nguo. Nadhani wakati wa watanzania kuchagua rais toka nje ya CCM umewadia.

Chanzo: Dira Juni 15, 2015

Hongera Makongoro na Membe

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          Hivi karibuni waziri wa Mambo ya Nchi za Nje na Ushirikiano wa Kimataifa (MNNUK) Bernard Membe alikaririwa akiwaonya watanzania kuwachunguza wanaotangaza nia ya kugombea urais. Membe aliyasema haya wakati akizindua Tamasha la Ulamaa la Qaswida katika shule ya Benjamen Mkapa akitangaza siku chache bada ya kutangaza nia ya kugombea kadhalika.

Membe alikaririwa akisema, “Wachujeni viongozi wanaotangaza nia ya kuwaongoza, muwapime kama wana maadili ya kutosha, wapimeni kama siyo wala rushwa.” Asemayo Membe ni ya msingi japo kuna mengine ya muhimu aliyosahau au kuyaacha maksudi kwa vile yanamgusa. Hivi karibuni wizara yake iligundilika kulipa mishahara na marupurupu na pango la nyumba kwa maafisa wake waliostaafu kwenye balozi zetu nje. Kashfa hii iliibuliwa na ripoti ya Mdhibiti na Mkaguzi Mkuu wa fedha za serikali (CAG). Hivyo, tukianza na Membe, kama ameshindwa kusimamia wizara moja na fedha za umma, hiyo nchi ataiweza?

          Baada ya wanachama wengi vigogo wa Chama Cha Mapinduzi (CCM) kutangaza nia ya kugombea, vituko vingi vimeibuka. Kila anayesimama kuongea anajiwekea vigezo vya urais kwa kuangalia sifa zake. Mfano, Edward Lowassa aliyetikisa sana hivi karibuni, alikaririwa akisema, “Kuamini kama una uwezo na shauku, hakuna budi kwenda sambamba na uwezo wa kusimamia yale unayoyaamini. Na kwangu haya mawili ni dhahiri. Nina ari, nina shauku na nina uwezo, kama rekodi yangu inavyothibitisha.” Je ari na shauku ya mhusika vinatosha kweli kuwa vigezo safi vya mtu anayefaa kuwa rais? Ajabu ya maajabu ni pale Lowassa anaposema, “kusimamia yale nayoyaamini”. Je kama mhusika anaamini kwa mfano katika ndoto na upuuzi nacho kiwe kigezo jamani? Kituko alichotuachia Lowassa ni kujipa sifa zote za kuwa rais lakini akasahau au kuficha au kukwepa kuongelea kashfa ambayo imemuandamana maisha yake yote ya Richmond. Bila shaka hapa kuna namna.

          Vituko vinaendelea kuonyesha watangaza nia walivyofilisika kiasi cha kujivuana nguo japo ni ukweli. Makongoro Nyerere hakubaki nyuma. Alikaririwa akisema, “Kosa la Rais Kikwete ni kuwapenda sana marafiki zake. Kwa bahati mbaya baadhi ya marafiki zake hao ni vibaka. Kibaka ni kibaka tu hata akipewa gari la Serikali na kupeperusha bendera ya Tanzania, bado ataendelea kuwa kibaka tu.” Wengi wanajua aliowalenga. Maana, baadhi ya vyombo vya habari vilitaja wazi wazi majina ya wahusika mmojawapo akiwa Lowassa. Gazeti moja la Kiswahili litolewalo kila wiki lilibeba kichwa cha habari tangulizi: Makongoro: Kina Lowassa wadokozi. Ajabu hawa ndiyo mkongwe wa CCM Kingunge Ngombale-Mwiru aliwapigia debe kuwa wanafaa. Je tatizo hapa ni njaa, uzee au chama kibovu? Jibu analo Makongoro aliyekaririwa akisema, “CCM kinaugua maradhi ya kukaa madarakani kwa muda mrefu na dalili za maradhi hayo ni kuteua wagombea bila kujali matakwa ya wananchi.” Kwa lugha nyepesi ni kwamba CCM imeisha, imeishiwa. Wanachoweza kufanya wanachi hasa wapiga kura ni kuistaafisha lau ikapumzike.

Je Kingunge alisukumwa na nini hadi akajivua nguo hadharani? Acha Makongoro ajibu, “CCM hivi sasa ina makundi. Kila mgombea ana timu yake na msingi mkuu wa timu hizi ni fedha na wanaojiunga nayo wanafuata fedha. Leo hii nikiwa na hela hata walioko kwa wagombea wengine wananifuata.” Ama kweli penye udhia penyeza rupia walijisemea wahenga!

          Kinachonogesha ngoma ni kuona makada hawa vigogo wa CCM wakiinanga CCM na mwenyekiti wake wazi wazi wakionyesha wazi ilivyochemsha. Membe alikaririwa akisema, “Uongozi wa heshima ni ule wenye maadili. Viongozi bora ni wale watakaochukia vitendo vya rushwa kwa nguvu zote, jamii imechoka kushuhudia vitendo hivi vinavyonyima haki.” Kwa maana nyingine ni kwamba Membe anakiri kuwa chama chake kimeua maadili na kuanzisha madili huku wananchi wakiporwa haki zao na viongozi. Je Maneno ya Membe ni uongo? Makongoro anajibu, “Wapo waliotangaza nia ambao wanajinasibu kununua nyubma Dubai na sehemu kadhaa huko Ulaya na kwingineko. Wasijidanganye kwa sababu wakiharibu huku na kukimbilia huko watambue watakuwa wakimbizi tu. Hapa ndipo petu sote.” Je hawa ni akina nani? Je ni wale aliowaita marafiki wa Kikwete ambao anawapenda sana kuliko wananchi? Jibu unaweza kulipata kwenye maneno ya Lowassa aliyewahi kusema kuwa urafiki wake na Kikwete haukuanzia barabarani. Je watu wa namna hii wanalifaa taifa au wataliuza zaidi?

          Kwa vile Makongoro ameamua kuweka mambo hadharani kwa kuingia moto huu wa urais, kuna haja ya kumtaka ataje majina ili asionekane mmbea japo maneno yake yana ukweli.

          Kama kuna masomo nimejifunza tokana na utangazaji wa nia ni:-

Mosi, CCM kweli imeishiwa na hairekebishiki wala kusafishwa na wala haiwezi kupona kipindi hiki vinginevyo yatokee mambo mawili, mosi, miujiza na pili, uchakachuaji.

Pili, ni kwamba mjenga na mjengua nchi ni mwananchi. Kwa sasa, wanachofanya watangaza nia ni kuizika CCM kabisa. Kwani, kama upinzani utazingatia maneno yao na mazito waliyoyaibua na kuyafikisha kwa wananchi kwa ustadi, CCM kwishinei (kwisha). Maana, hakuna anayewajua CCM kama wanavyojuana. Hivyo wasemayo si siasa bali ukweli usiopingika.

Hongereeni Makongoro na Membe kwa kuweka mambo hadharani na kutufumbua macho.

 Chanzo: Tanzania Daima Juni 14, 2015.

Whose lies should we gulp?

When King Boozer wrote an article wondering how Ikulu sanitized escrow banditti, the Big Minister mzee Mizengwe Pinda came up with a rejoinder saying the guys are still criminally tainted. Now this being the case, whose lies should we swallow? For, Chief Sec., Ombi Sifui left us baffled saying the folks are as clean as a whistle after his office scrubbed them. This being the situation whereby the same govt is offering contradictory responses; we need to know who’s telling the truth and who is telling lies.

Interestingly, mzee Pinda and Sifui are all serving the same syndicate they’re trying to save to no avail. Who’s confused hither that wants to confuse us? Is it the govt, Sifui or Pinda or all? This being the tantalizing situation and dressing down, I’d urge Jake Kiquette to come forth and mount his defense. Again, will he avoid confusing us even more given that he once defended escrow saying the dosh was halali as if it were? What do you make of this mix-up among the biggies who seem to have something to cover?

Up till now, we’ve almost five lies. The first one is that of Jake saying that the dosh was legitimate. The second is Sifui’s that avers that the folks have been cleansed. The third one’s Pinda’s who says that Sefui and his boss are but liars that we need to pooh pooh. The fourth one is your lie of not taking any action after discovering that your coffers were broken into.

The other day I asked who runs the shows in Bongolalaland. Now the answer is obvious that there are many more players. Sometimes, I tend to think in my intoxicative way that our hunk is run by a caricature if not a genie.  If not, how can a govt confuse itself in its attempts to confuse the confused boozers? Again, who’d we blame when the whole govt finds itself immersed in majitaka simply because its heads careless when it comes to making dosh?

Sometimes, you wonder especially when those you think to be matured act childishly and gullibly as if we’re all insane kids. Do they think that boozers don’t know how escrow criminals have almost every who’s who in their pockets? Do they think boozers don’t know that escrow is another govt that the govt can’t touch?

There are more lies. The other day Chama Cha Mapingaji (CCM) alleged that it had barred its cadres who prematurely and unprocedurally declared their candidacy. One of them is Eddie Luwasha. Recently, though, the Vice President appointed him to represent him in a charity mission involving fundraising for a mosque in Arusha. If the guy were banned, how can the VP appoint him knowingly he’d use this opportunity to campaign as he did? Sometimes, I don’t get it. How can you say you’ve barred someone whose agents –under many pretext –have been campaigning ever since? Isn’t this a lie? Does it mean those telling lies that they barred Luwasha don’t see the friends of Luwasha climbing K’njaro and doing other macabre campaigns the hunk over wantonly?

While the VP declared Luwasha to be unbanned, CCM’s chief spin doctor Nipe Mapepe Ninaye came with ballyhoos saying that the cadres are still banned. Really? Is Luwasha banned too while he‘s offered opportunity to campaign while other neophytes are still in the cold. Whose lie should we gulp hither? And who’s fooling who?

The other day I heard mzee Pinda outlining the feats that Jake’s regime has made. Ironically, mzee Pinda forgot to enlist corruption as an achievement which has surge to the levels that the hunk’s nary seen. So, too, he forgot the surge of the hunk’s debt which in itself is another gain that their regime attained.

I, for one, was waiting to hear what mzee Pinda had to say vis-à-vis the many trips his boss made abroad as one of his successes. Again, how do you portend that you’ve performed miraculously while embezzlement of public funds has become the in-thing for those in ulaji? If I were mzee Pinda, I’d have even mentioned escrow and EPA as other development the regime attained so to speak.

The other day a friend of mine who answers to the name snake Andy left me in stitches when he averred that our hunk will soon bid farewell to third world status the Bretton woods designated us. I candidly asked him if under such endemic corruption this was possible. Lucky him, he didn’t reply save telling me to read govt’s reports which I tend to suspect. I felt sorry for my friend who still believes in reports the govt makes while they’re but meal-mouthed sorts of stuff.

Although boozers are used to lies the high and the mighty tell them, this time those who tell lies have gotten it wrong. How can you say that the hunk made great strides while the boozers are becoming poorer and poorer by day?

Now that elections are on the door, whose lies should we believe?

Source: Guardian June 14, 2015.

Mlevia aota ndoto ya vita ya inzi

          Baada ya kuchapa mma na kupata msokoto nilijilaza kwenye kitanda changu cha kamba. Usiku ulikuwa umeingia. Hivyo, kama ada, lazima nilale mapema lau kutafakari hili na lile. Siku hii sikumsumbua bi Mkubwa bingwa wa maneno. Sikumtakisha cha jio wala chausiku. Niligeukia upande wangu na kuanza kupiga usingi.

          Punde si punde si aliyejuu akaanza kuongea nami kwa kunionyesha maajabu ambayo nami naamua kukumegea lau ujue kuwa kuna ulimwengu zaidi ya huu tuanoishi wa kuchuuzana na kudanganyana. Kwa taarifa yako hatuko peke yetu kwenye vita ya ulaji na kila aina ya tamaa na mazabe. Mara nikaona mainzi manene majike kwa madume yakigombea mzoga uliokuwa umelala bila kujitingisha. Yalikuwa yamehanikiza kuparurana hata kung’atana ilmradi kila inzi lake litimie. Yalikuwapo mainzi mengi madume na machache majike huku yakipigana kwa kila mbinu. Yalikuwa yakipigana huku yakiguguna mzoga.

          Kwa vile mainzi ni mainzi hata yanone vipi, yalikuwa yakila, kutapika, kunya na kuogelea kwenye mzoga hule ule bila kujali kuwa kuna kesho. Maana nijuavyo, mainzi yakishaunajisi mzoga shurti uoze. Hili kwa mainzi yale halikuwa inshu. Inshu ilikuwa kila inzi kupata alichotaka.

          Kabla ya kuendelea kushuhudia huu mtifuano na mnyukano juu ya mzoga niliuliza swali: Je haya mainzi siku zote huishi hivyo? Sauti ilitokea na kujibu. “Hizo ndizo tabia za mainzi sema kwa sasa ni msimu wa kiangazi kwenye ulimwengu wa mainzi.” Jibu hili halikunipa maana ya nilichotazamia. Niliuliza: Una maanisha nini sauti ya asiyeonekana? Sauti ilijibu, “Nilijua hutaelewa hadi nikueleze zaidi.” Kilipita kitambo bila kusikika sauti kana kwamba msemaji aliamua kuondoka ghafla. Mara nikasikia sauti ikisema, “ Katika ulimwengu wa mainzi huwa na msimu wa kiangazi kila baada ya miaka mitano. Hivyo, unapofika msimu huu ambapo ulaji unakuwa juu juu, lazima mainzi yatoane ngeu yakigombea kukusanya mlo ambao utayapeleka kwa miaka mitano.” Niliuliza tena, “Mbona sasa yanakula, kutapika, kunya na kuogelea humo humo?” Sauti ilijibu, “ Hiyo ndiyo tabia ya mainzi. Ni malafi na yasiyoona hata mbele.”

          Kimya kilitawala na nikarejeshewa picha ya  yale mainzi  yakiendelea na uharibifu wake. Yaliendelea kusukumana huku yakipita huku na kule. Ghafla walitokea vipepeo waliokonda. Wanapendeza kwa rangi zao lakini wamekondeana. Kumbe nao walitaka kula kwenye ule mzoga lakini mainzi yalishauchafua kiasi cha kutotamanika ukiachia mbali kuwazuia. Vipepeo walikaa kando wakiangalia kasheshe na mshike mshike wa yale mainzi maneno na machafu yakiendelea kuuguguna na kuchafua mzoga.

          Punde si punde, baada ya kuona mainzi yanataka kutoana roho, inzi moja linaloonekana kuwa mkubwa lao lilipaza sauti na kusema, “Jamani mambo yamebadilika. Mnawaona wale vipepeo.” Lilinyosha mkono kuelekea walipokuwa vipepeo na kuendelea, “Tukiendelea na kujidanganya na kudanganyana hao vipepeo watachukua mzoga na tutakufa kwa njaa.” Mainzi yote yaligutuka na kuacha kufanya makufuru yake ili kusikiliza nondo za mkubwa wao. Aliendelea, “Tusipoweka utaratibu mzuri wa kula, kubalini wenzetu watatunyang’anya hiki kitoweo hata kutushitaki kwa kukichafua kwa kula kilafi bila kunawa, kutapika, kuogelea na kunyea kitoweo.”

          Mara inzi moja lenye kichwa cheupe tofauti na mengine likaamka na kusema, “Mkubwa, naona umezeeka. Maana umekuwa mkubwa kwa viangazi viwili na hali bado ni hii hii ya mtifuano. Naomba unipendekeze mimi kwa inzi wote nipitishwe kusimamia mzoga huu.”

          Kabla ya kuendelea inzi jingine lilipaza sauti na kusema, “Wote watake kusimamia kitoweo na wewe pia? Unadhani ulipokuwa ukinya na kutapika tena madude makubwa hatukuona? Go tell it to the birds, white head huna chako hapa.”

          Mara likatokea inzi kijana na kusema, “Wazee, mimi bado ni kijana na nina nguvu ya kuweza kusimamia kitoweo hiki kisiliwe kilafi wala kuendelea kunajisiwa.” Kabla ya kumaliza kuongea inzi huyu alikunya na kutapika. Ndipo wenzake wakasema, “Wewe acha kimbelembele. Ina maana hivi ndivyo unavyotaka kusimamia kitoweo chetu. Go to hell.”

          Mtifuano uliendelea huku kila inzi akitaka awe msimamizi wa kitoweo. Hata hivyo, inzi ni inzi na inzi wote ni sawa na tabia zao ni sawa. Wakati mainzi yakiendelea kutifuana na kumalizana, vipepeo walipanga mkakati. Waliambizana kuwa wavamie ule mzoga na kuwatimua mainzi kwa nguvu. Wazo hili lilikataliwa na wengi kwa kuogopa kuchafuliwa na mainzi. Hivyo, walikubaliana kuwa waende na kuwalai wale mainzi ima kuuosha ule mzoga au kuondoka ili vipepeo wafanye kazi ile ndiposa wakae pamoja wagawane. Wazo hili lilikubaliwa na pande zote. Ndipo vipepeo wakashinda kuutwaa ule mzoga na kutokomea nao wakiyaacha mainzi yakilaumiana kwa ujinga, uchafu na ulafi wao. Ghafla picha ikatoweka.

          Kabla ya kukurupuka usingizini tazama naona picha ya kunguru wakipigana huku panzi wakijihami. Kunguru kumbe wanapigania haki ya nani awe mkubwa katika kula panzi. Kwa vile wote ni waroho, kila mmoja anataka awe mkuu ili awe anachukua panzi nyingi na kupeleka nyumbani kwake na kula na kunguru wenzake.

          Wakati kunguru wakihanikiza na kutoana macho, naona panzi wakikaa kwenye kikao. Wanakubaliana kuwa sasa wakati wa kuwaadhibu kunguru umefika. Hivyo, wanapendekeza waende kwa binadamu na kuomba msaada wa kuwaangamiza hawa maadui zao. Panzi wanapaa haraka haraka na kutua kwenye nyumba ya binadamu. Binadamu anawauliza, “Nyie panzi, nini cha mno kimewaleta kwangu? Panzi wanasema, tumekuja kukupa taarifa ya mipango ya kunguru. Tumewakuta wakipigana na kutoa maneno mabaya juu yako wakisema kuwa watahakikisha kuku wako hawalei vifaranga. Binadamu aliuza, “Mnasemaje?” panzi walijibu, “tumekuja kukutahadharisha kuwa kunguru wanapanga kuja kuhujumu vifaranga wako na kuhakikisha kuku wako hawaongezeki.” Binadamu aliamka haraka haraka na kusema twende mnionyeshe walipo. Panzi na binadamu waliongozana hadi kwenye kigwena cha kunguru waliokuwa wakiendelea kupigana mateke mitama na makonde. Bila wao kuwa na hili wala lile, binadamu alifungua gunia na kuwafunika nalo na kuondoka nao tayari kwenda kuwafunga kama adhabu ya ubaya wao.

          Kumbe kumekucha! Tafsiri mwenyewe ila usiwaamini inzi na kunguru.

Chanzo: Nipashe Juni 13, 2015.

Kijiwe chafurahia mipasho ya watangaza nia ya urahis

          Baada ya songombwingo na kila aina ya ngurumbili kutangaza nia ya kuwania ulaji wa dezo na rahisi yaani urahis, Kijiwe –kwa furaha –kimekaa kama kamati na kudurusu mtifuano na mshike mshike huu wenye kila aina ya patashika kasheshe, vitimbwi na mitimbwiriko.

          Mpembe anaingia akiwa na gazeti la Toboa. Anaamkua na kumwaga mada mezani. “Yakhe mmesikia hii mipasho ya wasaka urahis na ulaji wa dezo?”

          Kapende anadakia, “Hawana lolote hawa. wengi mafisadi wa kunuka japo wanajifanya wana sera za kutukomboa wakati moyoni wana mipango ya kutuangamiza kama hawa wanaoondoka.”

          Mbwamwitu anachomekea, “Wengi viherehere kama alivyosema mwana wa Mchonga japo naye hafai.”

          “Wengine wanafuata mkumbo ukiachia mbali kutengeneza mazingira ya kutaka wawemo kwenye ulaji kama mmoja wao atapenya. Nionavyo mwaka huu hapenyi mtu. Maana kwa wanavyochafuana lazima wapingaji wachuke waweke waa kama watakuwa makini kutumia huu mtifuano.” Anasema Mijjinga huku akibwia kahawa yake.

          Mgosi anatia timu kwa chati, “Hakuna sehemu wameniacha hoi kama yule  Kimbelembele Mwehujuu Michembe kusema eti atativusha. Kumbe timekwama bahaini. Ina maana huyu dogo anakii kuwa Njaa Kaya ametizamisha? Makubwa haya wagosi tate nane tate nane.”

          Msomi Mkatatamaa aliyekuwa akibofya ki-Samsung Galaxy 5 anaamua kula mic, “Wote wamepayuka hakuna aliyeniacha hoi kama Freddie Sumayi aliyekumbuka blanketi wakati kumekucha. Eti anasema kuwa Chama Cha Maulaji kikipitisha fisadi atajitoa. Mbona amechelewa. Kama chama chenyewe ni genge la mafisadi anategemea huyu msafi kitampata wapi.”

          Kabla ya kuendelea mheshimiwa Bwege anamchomekea, “Naona huyu buda anaweweseka hasa ikizingatiwa kuwa hawezi kupenya kutokana na kuwa na kashfa ya kuuza nyumba za wachovu wakati wa utawala wake na Chinga Dugong Ben Makapi. Kama anataka kufanya kweli angeishajitoa zamani gani! hata hivyo, sishangai. Hawa ni wanasiasa ambao –mara nyingi –huwa hawana tofauti na vyangu kimaadili na madili.”

          Msomi anaendelea, “Hakuna aliyeniacha hoi kama profwedheha Muongo kusema eti ataongoza kaya kisayansi. Sijui alisahau kusema kifisadi au kiescrow akasema kisayansi? Huyu kama kuna kinachomfaa si kingine bali kwenda kwa bosi wake Jimmy Lugemalayer na Singasinga wakamtumie kule.”

          Kanji anadandia, “Kama yeye kwenda escrow tumia yeye si tapata aibu? Veve sema witu zito sana Somi. Ile yote nashiriki escrow hapana paswa gombea rahis jamani.”

          Sofia Lion aka Kanungaembe aliyekuwa na usongo wa kuchangia anakula mic, “Jamani tunapaswa kuwa makini tunapotoa shutuma. Hivi kuna mtu ana ushahidi dhidi ya mheshimiwa huyu au fitina na chuki binafsi?”

          Msomi hangoji mwingine ajibu. Anakula mic huku akitabasamu na kumwangalia Sofi kama kwa dharau hivi na kusema, “Da Sofi unataka ushahidi gani? kwani alifukuzwa ulaji kwa sababu gani na kwanini? Je huu si ushahidi tosha sawa na ule uliomfukuzisha Eddie Luwasha ambaye kwenye kigwena chake aligwaya kugusia Richmonduli akidhani sisi tutasahau?”

          Inaonekana Sofi kashikwa sehemu nyeti. Kwani badala ya kutoa macho na kunung’una hajibu maswali ya Msomi.

          Mpemba anarejea,”Wallahi usemayo Nsomi mazito kweli kweli. Hawa wajalaana wadhani sisi mataahira na wasahaulifu kiasi cha kujitiatia na kujiletaleta eti tuwape ulaji watuuze zaidi?”

          Mzee Maneno anachomekea, “Ami eti wanajitiatia na kujiletaleta? Au ndicho hicho kimbelembele cha vidokozi anachosema Makorongo Mchonga?”

          Mipawa anatia timu, “Wajameni mwashangaaga kusikia hii mipasho. Hamjui kuwa wakati waliozoea kula wenzao kuliwa umefika? Watabwabwaja mengi na kuvuana nguo sana tu. Nadhani laana ya kukwanyua njuluku za wachovu inaanza kuwaandama kiasi cha kumalizana wao kwa wao. Hatuna haja ya kusherekea anguko hili la ghafla la genge la mafisadi.” Sofi anamkata jicho la chuki lakini hasemi kitu.

          Msomi anarejea, “Usemayo mheshimiwa Mipawa ni kweli tupu. Hamuoni wanavyoanza kugeukana kiasi cha wale waliojidai ni marafiki wa mtukufu tena si wa kukutana barabarani wanavyolialia kama vichanga? Huoni kila mmoja anavyojitahidi kumtupia Njaa Kaya mzigo wakati walikula na kuvurunda wote. Namuonea huruma rafiki yangu Njaa Kaya ambaye alionywa kuwa ufisadi haulipi akaendeleza urafiki. Usishangae wakabwagwa na jamaa wakaishia lupango kutokana na ujambazi na ufisadi waliotenda. Hakuna aliyeniacha hoi kama Makorongo kutaja kabisa kuwa kuna wajaalaana wana mahekalu Dubai na kwingineko. Nadhani kazi sasa ni kwa wapingaji kupeleka ukweli huu mchungu kwa wachovu vijijini. Nadhani kilichoikuta Kanu kule kaya ya nyayo kinainyemelea CcM. Nadhani tuombe Mungu wazidi kuvuana nguo na kujitiatia kujua ili umma ustuke na kuwapiga chini.”

          Mbwamwitu anachomekea kwa utani, “Eti wanavuana nguo na kujitiatia! Ama kweli mmewachoka jamaa hawa!”

          Msomi anarejea, “Jamani haya si maneno yangu. Ni maneno ya Makorongo Mchonga aliyesema kuwa wengine wana kimbelembele na kiherehere asijue ni wote. Hivi ulitegemea nini jitu kama Dume la Nyani Steve Wahasira kutia timu wakati hana jipya wala lolote au kitegemezi cha Mgosi na huyu tabibu Kingwalangwala? Acha wapigane ngwala na kuchimbiana mikwara huku wakivuana nguo na kumwaga mtama kwa kuku tufaidi.” Anamgeukia Sofi na kuuliza, “Mbona akina mama hawatii guu au wanaogopa kuvuliwa nguo? Ama kweli vita ya kunguru ni neema ya panzi kama watakuwa makini.”

          Kijiwe kikiwa kinaendelea si ukapita msafara wa watangaza nia wakitaka kutoana mcho. Acha tuwashangae na kuwashangilia tukiomba waendelee kutupa uhondo!

Chanzo; Tanzania Daima Juni 10, 2015.

Mlevi atangaza kugombea urahis

          Baada ya kuona kila ghasia kuanzia vidokozi, mafisadi, viherehere na wachovu wakitangaza nia za kuwania urahis, na Mlevi rasmi najitupa kilingeni ili niwatoe jasho. Sigombei kwa vile rais umegeuka ulaji rahisi na njia ya kutajirika haraka kwa rahis na watu wake. Nafanya hivyo kutokana na kuwa na sifa na nia ya kuwa rahis tangu nikiwa kwenye tumbo la bi mkubwa wangu.

Bila kuchelewesha wala kuzungusha, zifuatazo ni sera zangu:-

Mosi, nitaamuru Mjengo utunge sheria ya kumlazimisha rahis anayeondoka kunipa orodha za majambazi, wauza unga, mafisadi na wahalifu wote alizo nazo ili nizishughulikie ndani ya wiki moja ya kuwa kwangu ikulu.

Pili, nitapiga marufuku uwekezaji wa kichukuaji kwa kufumua mikataba yote iliyomshinda rahis anayeondoka.

 Tatu, nitahakikisha nawanyongelea mbali mafisadi wa EPA, Richmonduli, escrow, Meremeta, SUkiTA, Mwanakaya Gold na wale wanaoua watu wenye ulemavu wa ngozi. Nataka ndani ya mwezi mmoja vitu hivi viwe historia kwenye kaya. Sambamba na hili nitapiga marufuku uganga wa kienyeji kayani bila kusahau uchunaji unaoitwa uchungaji na ushehena unaoitwa ushehe.

Nne, nitazuia kutoa uraia wetu kama njugu pamoja na paspoti zetu kugeuzwa njugu kwa kuuzwa kwa wahalifu wa kimataifa kwenda kudhalilisha kaya yetu kama ilivyo. Wote wanaojulikana kujihusisha na hujuma hili kwa kaya wajiandae kunyongwa na kutaifishwa mali walizochuma kupitia biashara hii kichaa.

Tano, nitapiga marufuku kusafirisha wanyama hai na waliokufa na kufufua ile kesi ya utoroshaji wanyama. Adhabu ya watakaopatikana na nyara za kaya ni kunyongwa.

Sita, nitaanzisha kiwanda cha kuchambua tanzanite na kuhakikisha madini na vito havivushwi kama ilivyo.

Saba, nitapiga marufuku safari za nje za hovyo kuanzia kwangu na maafisa wote wa serikali. Wale waliozoea kwenda nje kufanya utalii kwa kujidai wanatangaza utalii lazima warejeshe njuluku zetu. Nani anataka rahis Vasco da Gama usawa huu? Wale wote waliokwisha tumia njuluku za kaya kufanya utalii nje wajiandae kunyea debe bila kujali wadhifa aliokuwa nao ngurumbili hata awe rahis.

Nane, nitapiga marufuku my wife aka first lady kuwa na NGO ya uongo na ukweli. Wale waliokwisha kuwa nazo watalazimika kurejesha njuluku zote walizochuma kupitia NGO hizi na kufungwa jela miaka 50 bila msamaha wangu.

Tisa, nitapiga marufuku waishiwa kulala mjengoni. Watakaobainika watafukuzwa uishiwa right away baada ya kupigwa bakora hamsini ili wakawaonyeshe wake au waume zao makalio yaliyovimba

Kumi, nitaunda serikali ndogo inayoendana na uchumi wa kaya kwa sharti kuwa yeyote mwenye uhusiano wa aina yoyote nami hataruhusiwa kuwa kwenye serikali yangu. Sambamba na hili nitafuta wilaya na mikoa vilivyoanzishwa kishikaji bila kujali uwezo wa kiufedha na kiuchumi.

Kumi na moja, nitashughulikia vigogo na fito wote waliofoji vyeti vya kitaaluma na kuhakikisha wanafungwa maisha ili liwe somo kwa wengine.

Kumi na mbili, nitarejesha njuluku zilizofichwa Uswizini na kwingineko kwenye mabenki jambazi ya ughaibuni. Mzee wa vijisenti vya ugolo na vijisenti wajiandae kupelekwa majirini huku akina Kagoda wakipigwa na kuchomwa moto kama vibaka.

Kumi na mbili, nitarejesha maadili ya utumishi wa umma na kufuta madili yaliyopo sasa.

Kumi na nne nitahakikisha kila mtumishi wa umma na wanakaya wote wanatangaza utajiri na umaskini wao kwa kufanya kuwa lazima kujaza ripoti za kodi na mapato kwa kila mwanakaya kila mwaka. Atakayekaidi amri hii atafungwa maisha na kutaifishwa mali zake. Kadhalika nitaamuru utunzaji wa fedha, mali na raslimali za umma vinapewa kipaumbele. Kwa mfano, hakuna kutumia simu za umma kutongozeana au kuacha taa zikiwaka maofisini. Idara itakayokuwa na bili kubwa ya umeme italipia bili. Pia nitahakikisha nafunga mita za ruku kwenye ofisi za umma huku walevi wakienjoy umeme bure. Kadhalika mgao utakuwa historia kayani mwetu.

Kumi na tano, nitahakikisha upimaji wa afya za watumishi wa umma kuwa lazima kila mwaka. Na baada ya kufanya hivyo, matokeo ya afya za wazito yatatangazwe kwenye gazeti la sirikali na kunukuliwa na magazeti yote isipokuwa ya udaku ambayo napanga kuyapiga marufuku.

Kumi na sita, nitafufua elimu kwa kurejesha kimombo kuwa lugha ya kufundishia kwenye shule za upili na vyuo. Pia ushenzi wa kutumia kitabu kimoja shuleni nitaufutilia mbali. Sambamba na hili nitahakikisha wote watakaowadunga pregnancy wanafunzi watafungwa maisha. Nyodo ya kwanza nitafunga guest houses zote zinazotumika kama short time facilities za uchangudoa iwe ni kwa wanafunzi au watu wengine.

Kumi na saba, nitawafunga walioua elimu huku nikiongeza mishahara ya walimu na kuamuru elimu itolewe bure kama wakati wa gwiji Mchonga ambaye alikuwa mshirika na rafiki yangu mkubwa.

Kumi na nane, nitahakikisha wote wanaomwaga njuluku kama hongo kwa walevi na wachovu wanafungwa maisha hata kama watashinda kwenye uchaguzi.

Kumi na tisa, nitavunja tume ya uchakachuaji na kuiunda upya kwa kushauriana na vyama huku nikiiondoa Takokuru chini ya ofisi ya rahis ili ipate nguvu na meno vya kuwashughulikia wezi, majambazi na mafisadi katika kaya.

Ishirini, nitafunga vyombo vya habari vinavyochochea uharibifu wa mila za kichovu. Kuanzia siku nitakayoapishwa mambo ya kuvaa hereni kwa wanaume au milegezo na kuonyesha video chafu almaaruf kama pila kwishinei. Wote wanaojihusisha na kadhia hii wajiandae kuozea jela.

Ishirini na moja, nitakagua barabara zote zilizojengwa kijambazi kuangalia ukubwa wake na kama zinafikia viwango vilivyokubalika. Watakaogundulika kuiba njuluku ya umma kwa kujenga barabara zilizo chini ya kiwango ni halali yangu, wallahi nitawanyonga tu. Maana nina usongo na kaya yetu iliyobinafsishwa kwa manyani na mafisi, mafisadi uchwara.

Kwa ufupi nina mengi ya kufanya. Mengine nitayaeleza baada ya kuapishwa. Hivyo nichagueni mimi wengine michosho. Ngoja niende kupata msokoto na kanywaji kwanza. Long live Mlevi son of Boozer.

Chanzo: Nipashe Juni 6, 2015

Xenophobia Is Wrong

My soul is tormented
I feel totally humiliated
I am completely traumatized
I see unnecessary conflict
It is brewing down in South Africa
Africans are killing Africans
Looking at them as a problem while they aren’t
Poor people are looking for a pretext
To vent their angst
Again, will xenophobia we see in South Africa bring respite?
I doubt it
I invoke Lord to save our souls

I can see unfamiliarity
I see deficiency
I see dishonesty
I see delinquency
They all have eaten the populace
People have lost confidence
Institutions have betrayed the populace
We need to tell those in supremacy
Please do your business
Get the citizenry out of this mess
Don’t let them do monkey business
By having others to harass
Lord save our souls

I see greed and selfishness
A few select is in opulence
The majority is in untidiness
It needs the national cake
That the minority greedily chew
As the majority live in abject scarceness
This is the only obstacle
That the authorities need to address
God show them the truth

I truly smell danger
I frown and wonder
I see people with hammers and daggers
Hunting to kill their brothers and sisters
They brutally kill their neighbours
They hate and torture their brothers
They discriminate against their sisters
I see the nation of haters
The nation of self-willed killers
This shouldn’t be in Africa
It shouldn’t be in South Africa
How can this happen in Africa
I wonder
Yet I still strongly implore
Lord save our souls

I see groups and group of goons
They pitilessly take on their brothers and sisters
They erroneously blame them for all miseries
They blame them for poverty and joblessness
To me this is madness and senselessness
Again, are they the cause of their miseries?
Ironically, those they butcher mercilessly
Are the ones that ran away from miseries?
Miseries back in their countries
Lord save our souls
Save us from ourselves

Xenophobia is a crime
How can this be one of the hallmarks of South Africa?
A criminal South Africa!
This should not be South Africa
Xenophobia
Myopia!
Phobia!
Dear South Africans
Say no to xenophobia
Say not to megalomania
Say not to such mania
Lord save our souls

When xenophobic attacks started in South Africa
Many were dismayed and shocked
It took them time to comprehend
That this is the South Africa they envisaged
The South Africa they helped
During the struggle against apartheid
It took them by astonishment
Thereafter they made a note
That this thing is existent
Now let’s face it
South Africa needs another support
A help to get her out of the predicament
I call upon Lord
Please save our soul

I heard it not for the first time
It is not long time before
Again, it has been going on
Everybody seems to bemoan
How can this happen in Africa
How can it happen in the rainbow nation?
Such abomination!
How!
Wow!
I can understand up to now
However it is a great shame
Africans to turn against each other in whatever name
It is indeed a horrible shame
South Africans have been in the news almost every time
They attack kill and mime
They kill their own brothers and sisters from Africa
Wrongly thinking they are the source of their problems
O lord show us the light and save our souls

I urge brothers and sisters from South Africa
Africa is one and we are all one
Remember Africa
Before being divided by colonizers
That aimed at weakening us
Creating rifts among us
They created a mess
Now the onus is on us
So please stop xenophobia
It won’t help an of us
It won’t help us
Especially us as Africans
O lord my God save our souls
Source: The African Executive May, 3, 2015
Excerpt from the book SOULS ON SALES

Kijiwe chasherehekea kufunguliwa kwa wagombea

Baada ya kamati kuu ya mizengwe ya chama cha mizengwe kufanya mizengwe yake: kusema imewafungulia wataka urahis wake, Kijiwe kimepokea habari hizi kwa hisia tofauti mojawapo ikiwa ni kujiandaa kuwalia njuluku zao na kuwapiga chini.

Mchunguliaji analianzisha, “Waheshimiwa mmesikia mizingwe ya kufunguliana utadhani kulikuwa na mtu kifungoni? Hapa cha mno ni kufungua msimu wa kununuana na kuuzana ili ipatikane kura ya kula dezo. Lazima walete na kumwaga fedha zao na lazima ziliwe na lazima kura wanyimwe.”

 Mijjinga anakula mic, “Kwani walikuwa wamefungiwa au ni kutufunga kamba.  Mbona wengi wao walikuwa wakiendelea kupiga kampeni kupitia visingizio na sanaa mbali mbali? Waliofungwa hapa ni wapiga kura wasipokuwa makini wataula wa chuya kama kawa.”

Kapende anapoka mic, “Naona kama jamaa wanaanza kugeukana kwa kuogopa kupigwa chini. Wale tuliodhani kuwa walikuwa marafiki wa kweli kumbe walikuwa wameunganishwa na ulaji! Naona jamaa baada ya kuupata na kuufaidi ameamua kumtosa mwenzie japo alimtosa tangu zama za Richmonduli alipomuachia zigo lake alibebe peke yake. Ningekuwa mimi nisingekubali bali ningemwaga mtama lau kila mtu apate haki na stahiki yake.”

Mipawa anakatua mic, “Wewe unaongelea kuwa wanaweza kupigwa chini. Kwani hawatapigwa chini usawa huu? Wapigwe chini mara ngapi? We ngoja utawasikia. Cha mno hapa ni kuhakikisha kuwa hatukubali uchakachuaji na upuuzi mwingine.”

Anaendelea, “Pia nashauri wapinzani wajiandae kikamilifu kuwahamasisha wachovu kulinda kura zao ambazo licha ya kuwa haki yao ni mstakabali wao.”

Mbwamwitu hajivungi, anakatua mic, “Kwa hali ilivyo lazima kiumane. Hamkusikia Njaa Kaya akiwaonya kuwa waache kukalia mazoea ya uchakachuaji na kubebana wasijepigwa chini.”

“Yakhe mie siku watopigwa chini ntasherehekea ajuaye subhanna mwenyewe. Maana wanchosha hawa eti. Kila mwaka kila uchaguzi wao waiba na kudokoa tuuuu.” Mpemba anaukoleza.

“Tikubaiane. Siku hizi urais umegeuka urahis waahi. Hata wae wazinzi waiokamatwa kue Igunga na wake za watu eti nao wanataka kuugombea! Ingekuwa Tanga tingepiga mtu zongo waahi naapa.” Mgosi anaamua kulalama.

Mheshimiwa Bwege anatia guu, “Kwani wewe siku zote ulidhani urais si rahisi siyo? Kwa kaya isiyo na maadili bali madili hata kuku anaweza kuwa rahis na akatawala kwa kunya kila mahali bila kuguswa kwa vile anakuwa juu ya sheria.”

Anaendelea,“Mie naona heri ya kuku kwani atatoa mbolea kila mahali kuliko fisi na mchwa wanaoguguna kila kitu kam alivyo kwa sasa.”

Msomi Mkatatamaa anaingia kwa jam,“Jamani tuache utani. Urais ulikuwa wakati wa mzee Mchonga. Lakini baada ya wale aliowakataa kuukwaa huoni umegeuka ufanyabiashara na ulaji wa dezo? Tangu ilipotolewa ruxa ya kuiba na kufisidi kwa kadri mja atakavyo, urais wa kaya yetu uligeuka ujambazi wa mchana kusema ule ukweli.”

Mzee Maneno anakwanyua mic, “Usemayo ni kweli Msomi. Ndiyo maana kila fisadi anaugombea na kuutaka hata bila ya kujipima kama wachovu wanamtaka. Kimsingi, hapa kinachofanyika ni kuchagua walaji watakaokuja kutula.”

Mgosi hataki kupitwa, “Tafadhai futa kaui yako. Eti tinachagua watu wa kuja kutula. Haiwi mtu kama kuiwa utaiwa wewe si Mgosi.”

Mzee Maneno anajibu, “Mgosi ogopa sana kula. Mbona veve kula nyingine? Kama veve kula nyingine haiko baya kuliwa kidogo dugu yangu.”

Msomi anarejea tena, “Mimi nadhani mambo ya kuliwa tuachane nayo na kupanga jinsi ya kula fedha za mafisi na mafisadi wanaojifanya wanatupenda kwa sasa ili wapate kura yetu ya kula halafu watubamize mkenge. Hapa tegemea ahadi nyingi nono na nzito kama utajiri kwa wote, elimu kwa wote, vijana kwanza, akina mama kwanza na upuuzi mwingine. Hukumsikia yule kidhabu akisema eti atawekeza kwenye elimu kwanza na si kilimo utadhani anakula makaratasi? Ama kweli wanajua kututenda utadhani hatuna akili kama wao!”

Sofia Lion aka Kanungaembe anaamua kutia guu, “Hivi mnataka mliwe mara ngapi? Mtake msitake mtaliwa tu. Hakuna cha dezo. Hata hiyo njuluku mnayopanga kula lazima mlipie kwa mlango wa nyuma.”

“Sofi chunga hiyo lugha. Eti tutalipa kwa mlango wa nyuma, upi huo kama si matusi ya nguoni?”

“Mtajaza wenyewe, halo halo! Mtaipata pale itakapojibu baada ya matokeo ya kura kutangazwa na mkajikuta mmegaragazwa kama mende.” Sofia anakandia zaidi.

Kanji naye hajivungi, “Kama veve kula vatu nyingine nave taliwa tu. Tindo ya sasa ni kula na kulipa dugu yangu. Hapana ogopa liwa hii kitu dogo tu.”

Kama kuiwa diii basi iwa wewe si Mgosi. Tena misitake kunipandisha hasia nkapiga mtu zongo hapa hapa kijiweni ohoooo! Unadhani ninatania. Nitakushusha shipa hapa hapa.”

“Tafadhari Gosi acha tisha mimi. Kama veve veza shusha shipa basi nenda shusha shipa ile naibia veve halafu nahonga veve juluku naibia veve.”

Msomi anarejea, “Tuache utani. Tukiendelea na utani tutafanyiwa kitu mbaya kama ilivyokuwa 2005. Hapa tupange mikakati ya kula njuluku ya mafisadi wataka urahis lakini kura tusiwape. Tutapewa kila aina za urongo na ahadi ili tuuvae mkenge. Hukumsikia habithi mmoja akidai eti anasisitiza elimu utadhani anaweza kuishi kwa kula vitabu. Hata mbuzi hawezi kuishi kwa karatasi bali majani. Elimu gani wanaweza kusimamia wakati wameendekeza kulindana kwenye kughushi huku wakizidi kuua elimu? Shame on them all.”

Kijiwe kikiwa kinanoga si likapita shumbwengu la Eddy Luwasha. Acha tulitoa mkuku!

Chanzo: Tanzania Daima 3, 2015.